I am planning to get married soon, but i am scared whether we will last for long... wat are the tips to find out the person whom i am planning to marry is the right person... we are in love for 5 years... but lots of feuds and making up .. but i love him
2006-11-27 18:40:11 · 15 answers · asked by sueann_love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
if you have concerns about your relationship, then BEFORE you do go ahead with your ceremony ,then go & see a relationship counsellor either alone or with your partner. these professionals are there to help you decide the right path for your life which only you can decide regardless of the final outcome
the majority of couples go through ups & downs for the duration of their relationship ; but it depends on how you manage these defferences as to whether or not your own is going to last a long time.
do you both communicate openly with each other; respect the other persons point of view ( it does NOT have to be the same as yours),
can you compromise on just how important some things are to you?
have you discussed whether you both want children ,how many & a time frame for having them? how any children are going to be raised- schooling, discipline,primary care-giver,?
do you both have similar goals in life; house,travel,career
have you both maintained some interests/hobbies of your own as well as friends?
what are both your attitudes to money? do you like to save & he likes to spend, are you both thrifty??
for any relationship to stand the tests of time BOTH parties need to be contributing to its growth, be prepared to equally ( well almost) give & take.
are either of you particularly religious? how does that faith impact on your relationship? what is each persons attitudes to the others family?
Loving someone does not necessarily make that person right for you.
it is GREAT that you are looking at these things now .
you do need to sit down with your partner & express your concerns to him
SMILE
2006-11-27 19:09:36 · answer #1 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All relationships have quarrels, it's only natural. You are 2 people with 2 seperate brains.
The question is how much do you argue and is it enough to end it before you are actually married? Marriage can be very hard and people divorce everyday because sometimes things just can't be resolved. A marriage is like a job, you have to work at it day and night and it's a huge responsibility, but you have to both approach it that way. Then you both understand that you are equally responsible for maintaining it and making things work well for both of you.
I'm into my 5th year of marriage and we have two kids under age 3, and they add even more challenges to our marriage. Some days are great, some are hell, but always we love each other even if we can't say it.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-27 19:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by Kris17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the two of you can communicate about everything from how you feel to the finances you'll be fine. Every couple in wedded bliss will have arguments every now and then. Always keep the communication line open. It's when that communication no longer exists that problems can escalate to divorce. Talk to your pastor or a couples therapist if you feel that might be marrying the wrong person. The pastor and therapist can teach the two of you how to be more open with communication and many other things that will help the marriage work.
2006-11-27 18:49:39 · answer #3 · answered by deltazeta_mary 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you like feuding? You will continue to fued. Sounds like you are having second thoughts....that means run or at least date around for a year or so.....and if either of you owe money....pay everything off before even considering a marriage(unless you like starting off on a bad note or prepping yourself for divorce). You can do a very thorough testing with a psychologist to see if the two of you are really compatible, it cost some money but probably save a lot of heartache in the end. Just because you love him does not mean you have to or need to marry him.
2006-11-27 18:49:24 · answer #4 · answered by Okay9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you have managed to not break up in 5 years does not mean that you are going to have a happy marriage. One person on here answering and says they have been in love for over 26 years with his wife, has on line female friends that he shares his dreams and ideas that can not be shared with his wife. That is not someone who is in love with his wife for 26+ years. That is someone who is making due with what they have. (What he is doing is no different than someone going outside the marriage for sex if they feel they are not getting enough from the wife.)
Ask yourself why you are marrying him now. Is it because you want kids and your bio clock is ticking? Because it is too much hassle to start looking for a new guy? The only reason to marry this guy is because you can't imagine him not being in your life for the next 75 years.
2006-11-27 21:52:26 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is now sure fire way to know you are going to make it. Marriage is hard work and only gets easier with time, a lot of time. I have been married fourteen years and work every day at it. Most things are easier now. Don't argue about money. It's simple if there is no money there no money if there is then save it for a proverbial rainy day.
2006-11-27 18:50:39 · answer #6 · answered by laidbck111 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could be describing my wife and me.
We've had quite a few big tiffs (my mom said that she couldn't understand how we manage to stay together sometimes, we even got in a few big ones while engaged!)
Next June will be our 25th wedding anniversary (27 years together)
Just remember, you love each other so you should take some time to cool off after arguments and remember just that.
Everybody has doubts, but you have been together for 5 years. You must be doing something right.
2006-11-27 18:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats how wedding is. i have never heard of a couple who never had feud. So i beleive its normal. The fact that it lasted for 5 yrs says a lot.
2006-11-27 18:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by whisper v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A successful marriage is.......A succesful compromise.
It depends on who compromises from time to time.
If only one person is compromising always then it cannot be a happy marriage. It will be like pulling a rubber band till it breaks.
Check if it is u or if it is He who is the one making the compromises all the time? Thats the only indication before marriage.
2006-11-27 20:41:26 · answer #9 · answered by jack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will know it in your heart...if something is telling you not to get married, then it might not be such a good idea. You should definitely go to couple's counseling before the wedding though. For most church weddings it is required.
2006-11-28 02:37:29 · answer #10 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋