Is this selfish of me?

Question

My boyfriend wants to go work out after work, and he won't get home until 9 every night, and we don't talk the rest of the day. I will only get to talk to him for a little bit. I am going from talking hours a night for years, to only a little bit a night after a weekend with his friends. Is this selfish of me for being mad at him?

Answer 1

nope cuz my bf use to be gone every saturday doing what he wants then on sunday he would sleep all day and during the week he worked all the time so i had to hell raise about it. so no you are not wrong. men will go wild if you dont put your foot down. he has to know he is still in a relationship

Answer 2

It's not selfish of you, specially that he got you used to that. If all of a sudden he cant call you every night because he's working out, well, that's cool, but he should make it up to you by being with you on the weekend (instead of his buddies) or at least let you know that he misses talking to you too. If he did that, at least you'd feel better knowing that he's not avoiding you right?? so talk to him and let him know how you feel. If he gets mad at you for letting him know how you feel.. ohhhh, that's a red flag right there but if he hugs you and says nice stuff to you, stuff like, oh baby it's not like that, you know how much I care, Im sorry I've neglected you but it just temporary or whatever, then you're OK and should continue to support him and not nagg him about his not calling you as often anymore. The bottom line is this: If you feel neglected, you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend. If they really care, they'll make damn sure they make you feel better right there and then, if they dont, you'll end up feeling worse and it's time to start studying your options. Got it????

Answer 3

It isn't really selfish that you're not happy about talking so much less, but you shouldn't be mad about it either.

If you think about it, talking for hours every night can be kind of a time-waster. If he works and wants to work out too those are normal and good things for him to do. There are only so many hours in a day.

He may have just come around to feeling as if he's not doing what he should be doing when he talks for hours every night.

It isn't selfish of you to be unhappy about it, and it wouldn't even be selfish of you if you're worried that you're drifting apart. At the same time, I think you should draw the line on allowing yourself to be angry about it; because if he just wants to do the healthy thing of working out after work that's not something to be angry about, and if the relationship is drifting it isn't anyone's fault. Those things happen, and it isn't something people should be angry about.

(Note: If you put up too much of a stink it will strain the relationship further. You may just want to wait it out and see what goes on. Just as he apparently decided he wasn't spending enough time working out there's the chance he'll start to realize he isn't spending as much time with you as he'd like, and he'll change his schedule some way.)

Answer 4

Men are not talkers. They are doers, fixers, providers. While I think it's great to spend quality time doing mutually satisfying things, "talking" at night is not one of them for men. My hubby will talk about work for a little while, then he just wants to shut off his mind. They work hard.

So, to compensate, plan a nice picnic for the weekend, or stay up late a couple of nights, and just rub his shoulders when he gets home, or run him a nice hot bath and you two can soak together.

Answer 5

It depends on his work outs... if he is trying to lose some weight to be in better health for you then you need to be supportive of his dedication to work out. If your man is already in great shape then he needs to tailor his workouts in such a way as they allow him to be there for you in your relationship. Sure, everyone needs their space and a little alone time but one of the tell tell signs of a relationship in decline is when you don't even get bothered when you are not around each other. I hope that the two of you can work out some kind of schedule that helps you to both get what you need. Good Luck!

Answer 6

girl,....dont get too upset as longs as he's coming home to only you and you know where he is at all times wether its working and then going to the gym afterwards...dont be upset try going to the gym with him or even meet him there..dont let no one get the option of taking him from you because you want to be angry or selfish if you have a good thing keep him...dont give him any options of leaving you because of a little problem like that,...you will be opening a brand new window for other females to come in...lol

Answer 7

Go work out with him, or busy yourself with something you enjoy. Maybe an evening class. There may come a time in the relationship when you want some time away from him to pursue another activity. It's good to be flexible.

Answer 8

Well, no...and you need to find out what the reason is behind his lack of communication. He couldn't have been like in the early stages of your relationship, otherwise, you probably wouldn't be with him now. Just tell him you need his attention more, and if he continues giving you the silent treatment, then maybe it's time for a new man.

Answer 9

Talking for hours a night is way too long.
He's working out... it's not like he's cheating.

If you want to spend more time with him, just tell him. And you two can set up a day to spend time together.

Answer 10

sounds a little selfish to me --you are still together--you both care about each other --you see each other every night--dont get mad tell him your concerns and it will be fine--honesty and communication are very important and it sounds like you have the communication