Question about spanking?

Question

This is part of my class debate, I wanted to get other peoples views, insights, and beliefs on this subject, so don't get the wrong idea.

Do you believe that spanking is a form of abuse, how and why?

Do you believe that spanking is a form of discipline, how and why?

Leaving references and websites are also handy.

I was also spanked as a child, not by my parents but by a step-father and spanked on the bare *** with his hand, a belt, or even wooden spoons, but I was also grabbed by the arm, and other various forms of ABUSE (when it has gone too far and in anger) and he used to drink alcohol and had a gambling problem, so now I have grown to look at almost every man I meet that he is going to hurt me, but now I have a wonderful fiancee and he has assured me that not EVERY man is like that (not specifically men, everybody in general but in my case, men)

Answer 1

It can be questionable...yes it can be a form of abuse if you are physically putting all your strength and frustration into the situation and not just spanking once as a lesson as no, but no it is not if you spank your kid once for bad behaviour and reassuring them that you still love them but what they are doing is not appropriate.

Answer 2

Okay, my view is that spanking can be a form of abuse or a form of discipline. Anytime a parent holds anger against a child for their errors, it is abuse and mistreatment. If it hurts the parent to do this more than it hurts the child then a parent knows that their heart is in the right place. You also know it crosses the line into abuse when marks and bruises are left on the skin. Spanking can be helpful if the child understands why you're doing this and that it is out of love for the child wanting them to learn and remember to do what is right. It's definitely a form of abuse when used outside of certain age parameters. Most people these days are saying that it's all bad because most people don't understand how to use spanking properly. Alot of people don't know how to use time outs properly either or any other form of discipline. It's emotional abuse to try to discipline a child in any manner as an angry parent who is trying to get back at the child. You've got to have their best interests in mind and not everyone understands that. There are alot of people who really shouldn't spank their children because they can't do this without being angry. These people really damage their bond with their children. If the spanking results in a sense of security, bondedness and love - then it's been done in an appropriate way. If the spanking results in an insecure, sad and angry child - it's been done in an inappropriate way - I think we've thrown the baby out with the bathwater on this in saying that spanking is always abuse and should never be done when spanking could be abuse and is a valid form of discipline for the right parent. If spanking doesn't work - then obviously - it's just abusive because it's not teaching them anything. Every child and every parent is different - all children need boundaries and discipline. The method is not nearly as important as the outcome.

Answer 3

There's a great big gray area here. I took parenting classes after my separation because I couldn't control my 3 year old on my own and didn't want to spank. I repeated the class 3 times!
I gave her a lot of time outs on the couch and she would cry the whole time. I did not want to spank her like my mom spanked me.

My mom used a thick belt and hung it on the wall to use on the 4 of us. If she didn't have that, a switch or her hand would do. What I remember most about it, is that she was so mad when she would spank me, I felt like she hated me. I remember wishing she was dead. If you've been spanked a lot, you probably know what I'm talking about. Of course, those feelings would pass, but return again the next time.

My mom was a single parent and I think to some point, she did what she had to, being in that position. But, what my mother did was abuse. I believe she had other things she was mad about and took it out on us. There's no reason to spank a child to the point where the child wishes death on anyone. It caused me to be angry.

I started going to church after the separation too, and they said spanking is what children need, as long as it's not done out of anger. As my daughter got older, she would disrespect me and get all lippy.

I spanked her once without anger and I paced the floor while talking to her about what she did until she finally realized it was wrong. She just sat there with a smug look on her face, as if to say " oh well," which made it hard for me to remain calm. I did spank her and was she surprised. I felt so guilty! After that, just a few other times, I would just slap her butt once, just hard enough to know I meant business.

I think as a last resort it could be discipline, without anger, with the hand, only on the behind, only once, only by the parent/s, and the child knowing exactly what he or she did wrong. Your child has to fear you in some way to mind you.

Of course when a child reaches 10 or 11, a slap on the butt doesn't work. This age and beyond are going to be the hardest, I can tell already. I'm not quite sure how I'll handle it yet.

I hope this helps.

Answer 4

The best way to get insight into views on spanking is to aske an older person like a grandparent and then go ask someone in their 20's-30's. An elderly person will tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with smacking a kid on the bottom when the get out of line, whereas a generation x-er will tell you that hitting your child in any way is abuse and a parent should find a non-physical way to disciplin their child such as time outs. In my opinion, I see nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as its done only with your hand, on their bottom, and you explain to the child what they did wrong afterwards. But make sure you never spank your child outside of your own home because if someone sees you there is a good chance they will contact the police because they feel you are abusing your child. Its interesting when you look at some of the websites on this subject. The majority of parents feel it is ok to spank your child when done properly where as Pediatricians and psychologists feel it is wrong. I think Dr's should "butt out" (pun intended) and let parents raise their kids unless TRUE abuse is suspected

Answer 5

This is a hard one as discipline is needed in telling the children the difference between wrong and right in some minds... It is needed in some form or another however when parents go to the extreme then it's known as abuse and it's then taking it too far... It's difficult to draw the line on what's discipline and what's abuse.... As it's down to the strength of the blow to the child that then labels it as abuse....

There are other forms of discipline that can be followed.
I have two children and have only hit them very lightly when they where youngesters as a tap on the bottom (with nappies)... I have never hit them since as I have other ways of punishing them... Like sitting them on the stairs, taking things away from them, grounding them... My children are 8 and 6 and have learnt right from wrong without spanking....

I was spanked as a child and remember having the wooden spoon to my backside, or slipper.... Nowadays it would be classed probably as abuse to the form of punishment... However if you ask your parents or grandparents what form of punishment they had it would be the slipper, belt or something similar....

I think it's all down to the individual in the form of punishment they give their child but abusing a child is wrong... So really where do we draw the line, if you stop it altogether are we going soft on our children or if we carry on those that are getting abused aren't being protected.... Children do need to know the difference between right and wrong therefore other forms of punishment are needed.... However it does then go back to the child and parent....

Not every child is easy to deal with but with patience and understand and calm talking and reasonabling with them rather than just taking the easy route out sometimes... A little bit of time into the relationship and not letting your child get a way with things will definitely help.... If you let you child become a brat he or she will stay that way....

Try not to shout, nor let them see you're angry (I know it's not easy sometimes) but dealing with the problem by reasoning with them and talking to them calmly does help the situation and then they learn not to carry it on....

If you watch the Nanny 911 or Supernanny which I feel deals with the problems very well without spanking then they quickly realise that being good is a good thing and being naughty means you don't get praise, nor attention in the same way as being good.... They soon learn very fast what to be....

So to answer the question, when you're brought up having been spanked and not doing it to your own children.... What's the difference nothing both will be the same as we've both learnt the difference between right and wrong just different ways in learning....

Answer 6

Spanking, done correctly, is not abuse. Done incorrectly it can definitely be abuse. Children respond differently to different forms of discipline. I have two chilren and always looked at spanking as a method of last resort. My oldest child didn't get more than a few and it has been many many years since I had to do that with her. A good talking to was much more effective to her than a spanking. My youngest was much more hard headed and sometimes just wouldn't respond to anything else.

As a parent I look upon it as my job to run a orderly household. I'm not talking about a military barracks, but a household where it is clear that the adults are in charge. Children look for boundaries, some push those boundaries more than others but they still like to know where those boundaries are.

I'd like to address what someone else said about fear. When I was growing up my mother administered all of the spankings but it was my father that I feared. I feared him because he yelled and was mean and belittled me in front of my friends. I never felt his discipline was done to help set me on a better path in as much as it was done to keep me from doing something that was annoying him.

Answer 7

Spanking is only abusive if it is done in a heated moment and when it is done too excessfully. Spanking shouldnt be used as the main discipline too, it should be used as a last resort.

The time out thing, it may work out for some people, but not for others. Do what works for you and your child.. and spankings here and there are not going to hurt your child. People nowadays tend to think that spanking a child is so evil and the problem with today's kids is that their parents are too scared that if they even so much as touch their child then they will get in trouble for abuse.

Answer 8

Spanking is not a from of abuse, nor is it discipline.

Spanking is a consequence to misbehavior. Sorry to get technical on you, discipline is to teach. We use discipline and consequences together. In our home consequences can be anything from time outs, to grounding, to taking toys away, and among others, spanking. It's our belief that you need both in order to raise happy healthy children.

For example if your child runs into the street, and you spank them, and leave it at that, what have they learned? or instead of spanking you have a talk about not running into the street, and no consequence, they will be more willing to try it again. Neither of these alone will work, you need both. So in our home, if our girls run into the street, yes they will receive a good spanking, then a long talk about the dangers of speeding cars, followed up with a lot of hugs and kisses. For us this seems to be the best method.

Good Luck

Answer 9

I feel that there is a difference between spanking as a form of discipline, and abuse.
I was spanked as a child, and at times, I was abused, in a physical way, that was far beyond 'spanking'.
When you strike a child, on the bottom, and you make it clear to the child 'why' you are disciplining them, and get them to verbally relay that back to you, so they understand (considering they are at an age where they know how to express themselves) then it's a form of discipline.
When you strike a child, on other parts of the body, and without communicating with the child, 'why' you are doing so, then that is a form of abuse. The child knows no different, because they feel they are just being struck for no good reason.
I am a parent, and have used spanking as a form of discipline, however, BEFORE I even spanked my children, I ALWAYS told them why I was spanking them. I would get them to repeat it back to me, so they understood. I would ask them, "Now, why are you getting a spanking?" and they would tell me, in their own words, after thinking about it for a few minutes. Once they understood, I would explain to them that their behavior, or actions, were not acceptable, or appropriate. I wouldn't go on and spank them with 20 strikes or even 10, but with a minimum amount of probably 3 - 5 pats on the bottom, they would, in turn, cry and then I would hold them, telling them that I love them, and I only spanked them because I don't want them to make the same mistake, twice. Most of the time, my children were spanked because they did something that they knew they weren't supposed to, and deliberately did something that was inappropriate or wrong (breaking something, after I told them not to touch it, or swearing, when they know it's inappropriate, things of that nature).
I never had to spank my children for the same thing, twice, though, because they 'learned', along the way, what was 'right and wrong', 'good and bad', and 'appropriate and inappropriate'.
My children have since become more self-disciplined and more stronger, because I've always sat them down, and talked to them about their actions and the consequences of their actions.
I'm fortunate enough to know that all those years I was physically abused, by my own parents, that what they did was wrong. I know well enough that I cannot strike my child, now, because they are older and they've grown to understand what is acceptable behavior and what isn't.
I see children, nowadays, who are not disciplined in that way, who have no boundaries, and whose parents are struggling with them, in getting them to stop doing the 'wrongs' over and over, again. I see children who were never spanked, as good as gold, and not getting into mischief. Everyone is different, and depending on how the child is raised, all the way around, will determine what kind of discipline a parent decides to use, knowing that what they decide, will result in how the child reacts, or learns from this form of discipline. Some children never really recover, and they 'act out' and 'rebel' against their parents, if they are continuously spanked. I don't believe that a child needs to be continuously spanked for the same reason! Some kids may not learn from their mistakes if they are constantly being spanked, and another form of discipline may be required. However, communication with the child is vital in getting them to irst understand WHY they are being spanked, and not to 'over do it' when spanking, so it doesn't lead to 'abuse'.

Answer 10

spanking is a form of discipline, not a form of abuse.
it is stated in the Bible "spare the rod, spoil the child" i was spanked as a kid and it taught me to respect those in authority over me. it taught me how to behave. I work with children every wedensday night and the ones who are spanked (i know their parents, and know that if they miss behave they will be spanked) are the BEST BEHAVED KIDS IN THE CLASS. the ones that are not spanked are rude, crude, nasty, always in trouble or causing it. spanking is the only true form of punshment that realy works. sure the other kids get "time outs, and groundings, things taken away" but they dont care.

now yes some people can take it to far and beat the child, but a spanking is not a beating. as long as there are not any red marks or welts it is not abuse.

Answer 11

I was a social worker for 6 years and seen many forms of abuse. It seems that it is shoved down children's throats today that "if your parents spake you that is abuse" WRONG. Parent are allowed to spank their children by law. What determines if it is abuse is the amount of force that is used. You can only use your hand (open) You are not allowed to spank your children with an inanimate object. Personally I believe that children need to be more disciplined these days. Children are coming home and telling their parents " you can't spank me or I will turn you in" That is scary for a parent. Not only that but now who is in Charge. We have given to much power to our children. We are the parents! Take control. Discipline your children, spanking or not. Children now days are out of control.