Help with coming out to friends, please?

Question

I'm a 16 year old guy in high school, and I have confirmed that I'm gay. I have begun coming out, and have told my closest friends and my immediate family. However, I would like to be open with some of my casual friends as well, but don't know how to break the news to them. What would be the best way to tell them that would be the least offensive? (e.g.- How would you prefer to have a friend tell you he/she was gay? One-on-one conversations, emails, hearsay from another, AIM, what?)

Also: if I have a crush on another guy, but don't know if he's gay or straight (assume straight, but only because it's the social norm and everybody HAS to act that way), what is the best way to tell him without causing hard feelings if it turns out he's straight? (e.g.- Guys, if a person you knew told you he had a crush on you, how could he tell you so that you would not feel like you had to break the friendship off?)

PS- I have no intention of acting differently (flaming) to come out. It's not who I am.

Answer 1

you could always ask your friends to let people know in a casual way. That's what one of my friends did and it worked really well. Also try flirting with the guy you like and see if he flirts back, no danger in that really.

Answer 2

this is a toughy, the hardest part is over though, you've dealt with close friends and family. As far as your casual friends, unless you just want them to know flat out right away then drop subtle hints, like talking about how Brad Pitt is fine or however... I'm sure they'd figure it out or just ask & then you tell.
As far as the crush, that's a tough one too. Sometimes it is very hard to tell if someone is straight or hiding in the closet. Best thing to do about him is for sure make sure he knows you are gay, proud and single! If he's anything but straight and interested he should start giving you some looks, just pay attention to his moves. If he doesn't give any signs and you don't want to ruin the friendship then just leave it as friends unless he approaches you. Coming onto him at all if he's straight will 9 times out of 10 ruin the friendship because he'll always be wondering if you are thinking about him in that way. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Kid, your "casual" friends don't need or want you to come out to them. They either already know, or they don't really want to know. You already are what you are and as long as you know it and are true to what you want, there's no need to explain your life story to a "casual friend"

As for your crush on another guy, here's where you have problems. Most people are straight, it's true, and most gay guys would rather have a relationship with a "straight" guy than a gay-acting guy.

unfortunately, this is pretty unlikely.

also most boys even if they are gay aren't even willing to consider a gay relationship until well into their 20s when they finally realize, "gee, I don't like girls anymore and I'd like a guy." There's a LOT of married men who wish they had a boyfriend. Watch the movie "Kinsey" sometime.

Another problem you have is your age. If you have sex with someone over 18, that's rape and the 19 year old can go to jail for a long time.

I would wait until you are 18 to start pursuing gay sex (or straight sex). It is a dangerous act, it can hurt and it often smells bad. When you're a little older, the boys you ask to be with will also be older and less likely to punch you in the face if they're not gay.

Answer 4

young lad your life is just starting . and you smart with understanding social and peer pressures and wish to under stand the mechanics of life . I've been CD ing sense age 5 and still am.it's the wiring Glitch, get it, no one is perfect tho they may work hard at it. In life you must bring your mind and soul together and just be as you are you will find that Comfort within do not worry about others thaugts towards you conserning your sexaulity this is not there buisness unless a looker ask . note to you learn body language this will help. alot your a keen lad

Answer 5

First- that is great, man - I am very proud of you, congratulations. I think it's great to see so many people come out so early. I came out when I was 18 (I'm 29 now) and I thought I was young, but now that seems a bit old. Anyway, I guess if you tell one or two people, they will just tell everyone else, right?

Answer 6

unfortunatly, in out society. this has to be tough. personally, in my opinion, i think that you should just be open about it. i wouldnt go out and shout it to the world that you are gay, its not like its something that needs to be known by the world. but if it ever comes up, about you liking someone, or a rumor that was heard, dont lie, be open. odds are, no one is going to care. certainly not your FRIENDS. and for the people that do care, and have a problem with it, its only hurting themselves for being stuck in the past and their barbaric ways. as for the guy you like, i really think that you should leave it be, if he is gay, and he hears that you are, let him make the move if there is an attraction. you really shouldnt hit on a straight guy, simply because it would probably freak him out and you couldnt be friends. its sad to say, but until you are in college, you probably wont have much of a dating life, unless you are in a bigger city. but trust me, as you get older, it will be easier.

Answer 7

Be honest and make sure you are comfortable....what do you mean by casual friends....I feel that the close friends maybe enough....If the other guy doesn't know your gay don't hit on him it may make him nervous!!!!

Answer 8

Just come out and tell them, if they don't get or understand you give them time and if they still don't understand they shouldn't be considered friends!

Answer 9

LOOK just live your life. AND when the time is right you will say something.BUT to walk around and stress about it will only make things tuffer on you.