How do I handle my 6 year old son?

Question

In the past I had never whooped my son. Yet, now it seems like the only other option because hes so out of control and disrespectful. When I whoop him though he goes off and hides somewhere which makes me feel like I've done something terrible. I get to feeling so bad that I go do silly things to try and cheer him up but then I feel there was no since in whooping him if I'm only gonna feel bad and go play with him. What do I do?

Answer 1

I think every now and then children need to be "whooped" when they do something wrong. However, Working with children for a few years now, i have learned new ways to approach things. Instead of whooping him explain why a certin thing is wrong. get on his eye level, and help him to understand. know that children are going to repeat mistakes thats how they learn. but also know that it is very important not to let something just slide by. When you spank or whoop him then play, its putting in his mind that if i do this bad thing im going to get whooped, but if i get whooped and go hide dad will come play with me. Reward him when he does good things, play with him then. Find new ways to disapline him, becuase if its the same thing each time, he will get used to it and it wont help any longer. save whooping for really sever things. The best thing you can do is be patiant with him. because you have unknowingly set him in a thinking path that if he gets whooped he gets to play with dad, he will continue to try to get you to do that. but work on it, with him and yourself. ALSO we often forget to recongnize the small things children do that are good, because we are too busy with life and small things dont matter as much anymore. but to children small things are HUGE so when he picks up a toy and puts it away praise him and offer to help with the rest. the best times i have had with my dad ( and mom) are the moments when we help eachother, and when they recongnized thier wrongs when i recongnized mine. (Remember to say your sorry when you loose your temper. if he has to say sorry you should too) remember they learn from example! :) Good luck and i hope everything works out! :) anymore questions just ask! :) im full of advise about children! :)

Answer 2

A 6 year old will go through this type of behavior...they've just started to become aware that they are little people who can have a say in things that matter to them. Of course, they don't actually understand the concept of asking, doing, telling or being proper all the time and acting out of control, being disrespectful is usually done out of frustration.

"Whooping" the little fellow isn't the route to take and obviously because you feel badly afterwards, he's going to begin to understand that with every "whooping" comes a pity party that he can enjoy.

Find a different way to discipline...one that has a cause and effect attitude attached...i.e. a calendar or chart that lists all of the various behaviors you find acceptable. i.e. Saying please and thank you, playing nicely, no tantrums, etc.

Then, when he has a great day that meets your expectations you allow him to paste a happy face or some other symbolic face or sticker on the date he works hard at being a great kid. Naturally, poor behavior results in him having to remove a sticker (many times this is a painful process for them) other times they rip it off without hesitation. Losing a sticker means one less step towards their reward. Once the month has passed or the week, however you choose to divide it up...at the end of the period, comes a reward. Perhaps 5 good stickers reaps a movie reward...4 good stickers minus one bad sticker gets him a choice of say an apple or a pear for dessert after dinner (something not as substantial as if he had done very well). Before the reward period begins sit down with him and find out what kind of rewards he'd be interested in...a favourite small toy, a friend over for a night, a favourite movie etc.

When he's "earned" his reward, praise him well and tell him how proud you are of him.

This system worked for all 5 of my children...it taught them not only appropriate behavior but how to do something for the chance to be successful...to enjoy praise and acknowledgement of their achievement and more. This system actually worked until my youngest three were 11, 9 and 7, mind you tho the rewards where larger and usually consisted of cash :) People used to comment on how well behaved and happy they seemed to be, and they were and still are ... well into their teen and young adult years.

Good luck with whatever system you choose, but try to stay free of hitting him...because suddenly he's bigger than you one day and he's treating you the way you've treated him...no win situation which fosters little love but a whole lot of resentment.

Answer 3

I would say to take away an object he is attached to. For my 6 yr old its no computer and no gamecube. If he was bad at school and disrespectful to his teachers we take him back to school the next day and ask his teachers to come out in the hall so he can apologize for his behavior with out making a huge production of it. Another thing is to have both parents enforcing the rules and punishments so he cannot go crying to the other when he has been punished. Trust me, they may be only 6 but they will try to manipulate one parent against the other if they think they can. I have seen some relationships come to the end because one parent will not let the other punish "my baby". Be fair, strict and don't always change the rules because that causes confusion.

Answer 4

You have to find his currency and use it. And going to cheer him up after a punishment is asking for more trouble.

He should never be allowed to go and hide. Make him sit in time out to calm down. 6 minutes each time.

Instead of spanking take a favorite item of his and make him earn it back by following directions.

Watch super nanny. You can get some real good tips. And never have to raise your hand.

Answer 5

you shouldn't feel bad about whooping him he is dissbehaving sometimes you have to what my mom used to do was whoop us let us cry it out for like 5 mins then come back in and give us a hug and tell us she still loves us but we need to behave so she doesn't have to do that

Answer 6

Hi, as a parent I would really suggest tat you remain steadfast when you are discipling your son! If you regret or feel guilty for disciplining him then he will sense that you he has power over you, not the other way around. He will use this to manipulate you, and your relationship dynamic will always follow this pattern. Before it is too late, change that dynamic! Assert your power as the authority, the mother, and the caretaker. Good luck!

Answer 7

I assume that you want him to be respectful and obedient. Since he is out of control and disbedient, hitting him obviously isn't working. It doesn't work, and it makes you feel bad.

Go to www.rosemond.com, which is a wonderful resource on disciplining children. It is run by Dr. John Rosemond, a child psychologist. Dr. Rosemond has excellent common sense methods for dealing with children. They may not be instant...you'll have to stick to the program and be consistent with the kid...but they work.

Answer 8

You need to figure out what punishment will be acceptable and suitable to you and then stick with it. If you punish him by spanking, then go play with him out if guilt, he will know it and play on that guilt. You need to be continuous with your punishments meaning you cant let him slide once in a while.
One thing I noticed about some parents is that they 'ask' thier child to behave, almost whining, pleading. The voice needs to be strong and firm. Do not ASK your child to behave, you TELL him.

Answer 9

i've just read 1-2-3 magic and it's really good. I haven't lost it or yelled at my kids for 5 days now. It's much more peaceful and they have adapted well to the new rules. Good luck.

Answer 10

HOLY HELL, YOU BEAT YOUR CHILD??? Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone..... oh wait, everyone DID spank their kids 100 yrs ago.

OK, there is a time and a place for spanking. If you feel bad about spanking just think how bad you'll feel when he's serving 20-life bacause you didn't want to feel bad about spanking him. And although not every situation calls for spanking, it can be a useful tool in many regards.

that should be enuff to get me violated.... Have a nice day.

and feel free to contact me if you need some help differenciating between when to and when not to...