I'm scared that when I have my own family it will be as bad as at my home...?

Question

Okay I have tons of problems at home. We're always yelling at each other and nobody knows how to solve their problems in a decent way, including me.
I'm scared that when I get married and have kids, it will be my story repeated all over again- a nutjob house. I don't want that to happen but my mother is always telling me that the way you were raised is the way you were going to treat your kids.
I don't want this to happen! I don't want to fight with my future husband and children, but I also don't want to be stepped on! What should I do?

Answer 1

Just knowing that you don't want to repeat history is a really good sign. As children we all said i am not going to do what my parents did to me. Some of us had more reason to say that than others. Speaking from experience, it can be done. You can change the pattern and there are ways to help you. You could get counselling on how to deal properly with problems,and this will help in all aspects of your future. There is also anger management to learn how to respond without letting it escalate. I am sorry for what you are going through but be strong and believe in yourself.Keep your chin up. you can and most likely will change it. just because someone says it might be, doesn't make it happen. You do.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry about your home situation. Someday when you have a family, treat your kids and husband with respect. This will make them respect you as well.

A good way to solve problems without yelling is to keep talking in a calm, mature voice, even if the other person is still yelling. They will eventually feel silly being the only one yelling and calm down. This is when you can both calmly and rationally discuss your problems.

Just try your hardest and things may turn out fine. Good luck. :-)

Answer 3

You have already made the first step, acknowledging there is a problem. I don't know how old you are, but don't forget what you learn, make decisions as you are growing up as to what kind of qualities and traits you want for your own children. In your life now, seek good role models, research on the Internet on how to make the right decisions, or even read self help books. Do what you got to do, but don't settle for less than your best. Only you can decide what your future holds. And that my friend, I know from experience.

Good luck.

Answer 4

We make our own choices in life. Although we may have no control over the curve balls that life throws our way (such as the family that we are born into), we do have control over how we choose to deal with them. A friend of mine was brought up in a very dysfunctional family, however today she has a very loving family of her own and has vowed to raise her kids in a different environment so that they don't have to endure the heartache that she has to when she was growing up. She made a conscious decision and carried it out. You can do the same, the fact that you are well aware of it is the first step. It won't be easy but it can be done, although I do think that it takes 2 to tango so finding the right partner will also be crucial to making your "dreams" of a happy family come true. Communication is a skill that can be learned. Good luck and remember the choice is yours.

Answer 5

Stop stressing. List your priorities. Do you really want a husband? Do you really want kids? Why? How many? You have to remember you have choices. You have control over your life, not your mother or any other member of your family, less say so if you live with them, more control when you are on your own. Do not let someone else prophesy your destiny. Are you in school or working? Is it a just a job or is it your career?

P.S. Consider joining a good church with a teaching pastor who speaks into your life. God does not instill FEAR in His children. That is the devil trying to trip you up. Good luck.

Answer 6

I oddly accept as true with human beings on the two components of this argument. i've got in basic terms offered a house and that i've got continuously felt that the capital i'm construction is useful interior the long-term. it is likewise a greater robust investment than the different for cover. for my area a loan is investment and lease is money for not something. whether, not each thing is black and white. If I had no determination yet to lease, i could nonetheless be chuffed. you're offering a house on your toddler, and each thing else s/he desires, so do not hassle. Many decide to lease as the two i) they prefer the liberty to be waiting to bypass on with out advertising or ii) they are frightened that in the event that they purchase and abode costs plummet, they are be in detrimental fairness. in case you could cope financially and you have a place to stay, i does not hassle approximately no count in case you very own or lease. possibly seem at shared possession to diminish the fee of the abode, or get a loan from a relatives member for the deposit? i understand that sounds much less complicated than it particularly is. I in basic terms got here across a deposit with the aid of asking my mom and dad to maintain on with for a loan for me and that i pay it with the aid of them.

Answer 7

Break the cycle! The only hope you have to do this is to invite God into your life. He has plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. You are important to him and so will your duture family be. Family is close to God's heart and he hates dysfunctionality. He wants for you r family to succeed and step into its God-given destiny.
Do not let your mother bring a spoken curse over your future - take control right now and change it by turning your life to Jesus Christ as only He can gaurantee happiness.

Answer 8

The best thing you can do is get educated. Finish high school, go to college. It is amazing what education will do. I bet your parents are not highly educated. Take some psychology classes... they will really help you see the problems, how to avoid them. The best mom is an educated mom.

Answer 9

You will bring your children up to respect each other also to Honor their mother and father as well as mother and father give respect for their children's and respect for each other.Everyone can change and if you don't want this to happen than it wont happen, you have choices in left and you make life just what you want it to be, trust me.when you grow up and get married and have children's you know just what to do.

Answer 10

The fact that you want to means you can. Think of everything you didn't like that they did (w/in reason) and don't do that to your kids, make it more befitting rather than rash.