Ladies: How do you handle this?

Question

I just moved to a new city and the men here are very aggressive. I rely on public transportation and I go around the city alone quite a bit. The problem is men in cars honk, in the stores and on the bus they hit on me, even the cab drivers come on to me! I know it's because I am young, female and alone. I know I'm not the only one going through this... So, how do I get men to show me respect? It's annoying!!

It's interesting how people assume I'm attracting negative attention by the way I dress. I work in the business world and dress accordingly. Which is to say conservative.

Answer 1

I think it is disgusting that some people are answering that you should dress differently or act less inviting. You have the RIGHT to wear what you want and act in any way without being sexually harassed and degraded!!

I would vote that you ignore them, don't show that you are angry or upset, do not give them any reaction at all!

Just to be extra safe - learn some self defence and maybe carry some mace and an alert alarm.

If anyone becomes aggressive - don't be afraid to let them know that you do not feel comfortable, even if it means raising your voice at them.

Good luck

Answer 2

Men are always trying to try to get a reaction frome a female. It's not your fault. If you must go around the city alone, and have problems if this nature, be flattered by them finding you attractive. You may feel like being "hit on, etc . . ." is disrespectful and rude. It really is the wrong perception. It is flattering to you and you should feel flattered by the attention. Most of the time, they mean no harm. They are just seeking out what kind of response you may give in return. You do not have to be intimidated. You should be polite. If they take your politeness in the wrong way, it's time to start mentioning the man you are seeing, possibly informing them that you are pretty heavily involved and this man is probably moving to be with you in your new city as soon as his career advances giving him the opportunity to move to the city in which you reside and it is looking like it going to be pretty soon. Honking cars and any other rude approaches like that should be ignored completely. Act as though you do not even realize who they are honking at. Where a walkman or something. Avoid eye contact when possible. Pretty soon you will make new friends. That is going to be a big help. You can engage in a conversation with them and ignoring these - now unavoidable - circumstances will be much more simple. You do not have to worry about these type of men respecting you, they do not matter. Politely getting them to leave you alone is all you really need for now. This can be done. What do you care about the type of man that you are describing showing respect for you anyway? Just get rid of the situation at the time. I know it can become annoying. You need to learn not to feel "on the spot" and politely reject their efforts. Ignore the cars that are honking. Keep on acting as you already were and do not even acknowledge them. They do not reserve any type of respect from you if they are the type to honk at yiou from their car. I am sure you deserve better than people driving by you honking. Don't let this annoy you. Pretty soon, you won't even notice them. Be glad that you do not feel ignored. I am sure that would feel worse if you stop and think about it. Make the adjustment. You will be fine. Some men do not kow how to "respect" attractive women. Deny them the chance to annoy you by considering the source. Best wishes!

Answer 3

Hooo man have I been there. I am a native midwesterner, but I later moved to NYC, and couldn't believe the difference in the way men acted. There was nothing I could do- apparently I "walk like a prostitute"- which means with confidence. Head up, brisk pace- apparently to some people, this means I'm easy.

I deal with this differently for each situation. If the guy coming onto me is even marginally polite, I'll thank him for his attention, decline whatever he's offering, and move on. If he's insulting, makes a lewd gesture at me, or touches me- then that's another matter. I even punched a guy once- all that did was turn him on. I tried a fake wedding band, all that did was attract even bigger losers. I have found it helps to be seen once in a while with a HUGE guy. If you know anyone nice who lifts weights, is a marine, is in a biker club, or in any way looks fearsome- be seen in your usual haunts with him. As un feminist as this is, it really does seem to be the one thing that makes these guys back off.

Answer 4

For safety's sake, I would at least take a self defense course of some kind. I think that is better than any mace or pepper spray or any other kind of weapon you can carry, because they can take it away from you. If you are trained to protect yourself without any type of weapon but yourself, you can let them know you won't put up with any crap. Also, all the attention you recieve, men are going to be men always. They always look at, honk at, and hit on beautiful women. You just may have that "chemistry" that drives men nuts. Just keep in mind, at least they aren't laughing at you or making fun of you for being overweight, ugly, or otherwise not that pleasant to look at. Count your blessings (even though they may seem not to be at the time).

Answer 5

You are hot. That is why. The only thing that might not be plausible that I can suggest is either you act like a really nasty woman who hates men, or you wear an ugly beat up sweat suit when you are alone in public and mess up your hair and smear your makeup. Other then that dont seem sweet and open, seem mean and nasty, but if you look way to good then you might need to hit yourself with the ugly stick once in a while.

Answer 6

Not a lady, but I've talked to friends who had similar problems. It wasn't an issue of how they dressed or acted in public - guys were just very aggressive.

One solution some women came up with is to form a website about obnoxious behavior like this in a bunch of major cities. It's probably really cathartic, and at least let's you know you're not alone in dealing with creeps. (link below)

Answer 7

Don't react to their annoying behaviors. You may never get them to show you any respect, but the only thing you can do is decide how you will let the offense affect you. When you're told something face to face, look the offender in the eye & say "I won't tolerate being treated this way and leave it at that." Don't carry that anger with you, let it go. You can't change another's behavior, but you can change how you respond to it and how you allow it to affect you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Don't look so friendly and inviting. Watch women who work with men a lot. They always look like they have something to do, and they look at them men like they know just what they are. And don't be afraid to tell a guy to bug off (stronger language is okay too) because you are not interested.

Once you have been there awhile, and you don't look so new to the area and lost, they will probably chill out a lot.

Answer 9

I had the same problem as you at work..
I wasn't used to it and that made me feel good
but later my boss yelled at me.. I wasn´t doing anything wrong but i had 2 demand some respect.. awww what a shame..
She told me that i should ignore him or even ask them to behave.
but anyway u r not going to talk to all the people on the street. Pay attention on how u dress..that might be the reason

Answer 10

Give them the brush-off in a no nonsense but not hostile manner.

Ignore the guys honking and you can calmly but seriously say to the cab drivers and the guys on the bus something like "Please stop" or "Don't do that." Quick, blunt and no further conversation.