I need help with my daughters feelings.?

Question

My daughter is 9 years old and 5 years ago she lost her grandma. Her grandma and pappy used to take her everyday and all weekend long a lot of times. When she died a part of my daughters spirit died as well. I have talked to her, I have her talking to therapist, but nothing seems to help. every other night and, her grandfather has put her through a lot since the death. Not long (meaning within a month or 2) after her grandma died, he tried on more than one occassion to commit suicide. Very tramatic for her to go through that, then he started dating a crazy woman only 2 months after she died, then that didn't work. Then he dated another woman a month after the 1st and then announced on her birthday only 9 months after her grandma died that he was going to marry this woman. This woman hates our kids, has tried to stab her grandfather, has watched her slap me, and won't allow him the time to visit. We did move away for awhile, but I think she needs him, as much as he needs her. HELP!!!

I have tried to talk with her grandfather, but he thinks it is a joke. The other woman is just a weirdo. As as for me, well my spirits and health are just fine. I don't need to find my happiness, my happiness comes from a happy family and when something is wrong with one of my kids, it brings me down, so in order for me to find happiness, mr Iranian Amigo guy I think I need to make sure my children are happy. I wouldn't be a mother if I didn't worry a little. I have tried councelors and therapist, different grief groups, etc. I have even had her grandpa admitted several times. This has been very hard on my kids and my husband since this is his father and mother to whom we are speaking. I am just looking for some advise on other options. I talk to my daughter all the time, she knows I listen. She is my number one focus when she needs me. I just don't know how to work her through this. Yes, I have told her about heaven and angels and spirits and all of that, but nothing helps, she's hurt

We moved away due to my husband finding another job across the country, and it then brought him back to the area, it wasn't related to anything here. Just to clear that up "relationship mendor". And the one on one time would be great if he would spend more than 5 minutes here at a time and would want to spend to time with her, and after his wife trying to stab him, I am sure not going to send my children there, since she hates them so bad, for her to do something bad to one of them. I would end up in jail. That wouldn't help the situation any. That would not be a choice I could live with. I am not getting in between them, but I am trying to protect her from hurt to a point, she's already been through so much pain, can you understand that as a mother I would want to do that. And again, this is my father-n-law, not my father. my husband and I both have tried to talk reason with him, let him know how she feels, it doesn't phase him.

Answer 1

I truly believe that you must sit down with your father one-on-one and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. To do this without making him feel defensive, I would suggest that you ask your dad to try to understand that what you need to discuss with him isn't easy for you and hope that he keeps in mind that you only want what is best for your daughter and for him as well.

If he has the love for his granddaughter that most grandparents do for their grandchildren, then you might want to focus the conversation on her and her emotional well-being. Express to him the negative and life-long challenges that result from the decisions he has made and continues to make. Perhaps it is best to address the fact that he has put aside any self respect and self worth by deciding to marry a woman that obviously has deep emotional issues that aren't healthy for him, his granddaughter, or anyone else in the family for that matter. Ask him to give these points some serious thought.

There are several books that can help your dad sort through his emotions, while also helping him to recognize the destructive path he is heading toward if he doesn't do something to take responsibility for his life and his pain.

I hope this was helpful, I pray that all works out for you and your family. If things do not change or get worse... I also believe that it is crucial that you establish a very open and honest relationship with you daughter and that you use the situations that come about to help your daughter feel secure within herself and to help her understand that life isn't always easy and sometimes our lives are turned upside down for many reasons. Unconditional love from mom and dad, while guiding her through life's lessons to always take life's challenges and chose to learn from them and to help others do the same along the way would be my message to my kids.

The Four Agreements is an excellent book to help with an overall personal fulfillment/development guide. It sometimes can be repetitive and might seem strange in the beginning but it you ask that your dad and your daughter (even yourself) to make a commitment to read the entire book, I think you will all come away with a much more positive outlook on life and love.

My son would also like to suggest that you remind your daughter that her grandma is always looking down on her from heaven and will always be with her. I think that this was such a great suggestion as I remember when I lost my grandma when I was 6 years old... knowing that she was always there made me feel as though I could get through anything and I never felt alone.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this, it must be the hardest thing. She is going through some major abandonment issues right now. First the death of her Grandmother and then the detachment of her Grandfather. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about either, unless you think you can talk some since into the Grandfather. Have you tried telling her that Grandma might not visibly be here but she is here spiritually and will always be with her in her heart? And that she can talk to her anytime she chooses, that it's our bodies that get sick and die not our spirit, as long as we remember them they never die. If her councilor isn't helping then it's time to find another one and keep looking until you find one that's getting through to her.Do you go to church? You might try talking to your priest or pastor. This is a time and situation where your child needs some faith. I hope you find someone that can help you and your child through this very rough time.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you can't control grandpa, but you can protect yourself by staying away. He's grieving still, I'm sure, and will come around soon enough when he gets tired of this other woman. In the meantime, take some time to take your daughter to a nursing home and visit with some of the lonely older folks there. They would love the company and so would she. She sounds like a lovely little girl who would bring a smile to another "grandmother"; why not share her loving spirit? Godlovey both.

Answer 4

Why did you move away? It sounds like your daughter and her grandfather need the time together, so they both can heal together. Just them two, spending time alone, with no one else to hinder them. Neither you or the other woman.
They both have a broken heart. The bonding of your daughter and grandfather will mend together. Find a place, and a time where they can spend some moments together. That's what they both need- each other.

Answer 5

wow.. this is very sad!!! have you tried having a conversation with the woman that has been doing all this and telling the grandfather if not you should sit down and talk with the both of them ..the woman and the grandfather and tell them that your daughter n his grandaughter needs him!

Answer 6

My ultimate pal in basic terms have been given married for the period of the JP final month. She substitute into together with her significant different for 8 years and that they desperate to get married in basic terms a week formerly they did. They did it spontaneously, and pulled it off. they did not have lots time to rearrange or perhaps forgot to ask a brother. there substitute right into a entire of 30 human beings, relatives generally. the stunning area substitute into their eldest son, in basic terms age 4 self appointed himself because of the fact the ring boy. He could of considered this on t.v. or someplace and assumed his function, even tho they did not think of they needed the flower woman/ring boy area of all of it. The ceremony took a entire of 10 or so minutes, it substitute into casual and each thing think of grew to become out. i could propose allowing her to be aside of whether she could like. quite her up and make her experience solid. she would be in a position to bear in ideas this at her age, and could be proud. what's the worst that would ensue?

Answer 7

Hi! It is not clear for me what you really asking!

I know you suffered a lot of problems. BUT, before, thinking about your Daughters, think about yourself. DO exercise A LOT, run, walk and spend hours in the gym until you feel better.

I think you must talk with doctors about yourself and ask from doctors to talk with your daughters.

SO, your heath is FIRST

Second issue is your daughters' health

Answer 8

Print off your question and give it to the grandfather. Tell him he is welcome to come visit his granddaughter anytime WITHOUT his new wife. If he doesn't it is his loss, and as for your daughter, age and time helps to heal....good luck!

Answer 9

he needs to leave her and move in w/ you and you need to take care of him and make sure he's ok!