My son's father is demanding that he be called "Dad" or "Pop", not his first name. He says that is not showing respect. My son (10) has voiced his concerns and he does not feel comfortable calling his father "Dad". I do not want my child to feel uncomfortable; at the same time I don't want to stop visitation. Any suggestions? Serious comments please.
2006-11-27 12:52:02 · 13 answers · asked by Inquiring Mind 19 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just wanted to add that my husband is much older than I and my son's father but both of my kids call him by his first name. He (my husband) has no problem with that. We have been married 4 yrs.
Also, my son will refer to my husband as "my father" not "my step-father" when talking about him to his friends.
2006-11-27 14:03:14 · update #1
You know, I would say this is between your child and his father. I know it will be hard for you to stand back....but this is the greatest gift you can give your child. This really is between he and his father. I do agree that he should not have to feel uncomfortable with this...it is not your son's fault that this guy was not around until now. Maybe they can come up with a name together that does not fake a bond that still needs to be built.
Maybe in private you can let your ex know that what is more disrespectful than not being called "dad" is not being a part of your child's life for 10 years and suddenly expecting this child to fall over him!!!!
Your son is 10 and has had the first most dramatic years of his life without this man...and this man needs to prove himself to be stable and consistent in your son's life. I know it is hard to try and work through it or let your kid try and handle it himself...but it will give him a voice...and he desperately needs to be heard...by the father!!
I wish you luck..lots and lots of luck
2006-11-27 13:02:07 · answer #1 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, since your sons father just started visiting him, and your son is 10 years old, it wouldn't be good to try and make your son call his father dad or pop. the child doesn't even know the man yet. there's no way he could be comfortable with that. maybe you could explain that to your sons father. in time, when your son gets to know his father, and is comfortable around him, he probably will want to call him dad or pop. but until then he shouldn't push him to do something he's not comfortable with.
your sons father has to be a dad before he can be called "dad."
I hope this helps you out.
2006-11-27 13:19:48 · answer #2 · answered by atiana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, technically it should be father, dad, daddy. A first name basis isn't teaching him to respect elders. BUT, just because someone is a biological father it doen't make him a dad, or good role model. Your son is old enough to understand that concept and probably doesn't want to call him dad. But his father wants respect. So make a compromise. have your son call him "mr. - - - - -" Other than that, this is a subject between the two of them. Maybe one day he will feel that the man deserves the title dad. Good luck
2006-11-27 13:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by Amy R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though your son doesn't feel comfortable calling him dad or pop, I think that he should refer to him by those names out of respect. Maybe the three of you can sit down together and come up with a suitable title name that everyone can be happy with. Good luck
2006-11-27 12:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by flushing06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with your son and explain that it is only respectful for him to call his father either dad, pop, or father. It is disrespectful for any child to call an adult by their first name. It sounds like you have been lax in teaching your son respect.
2006-11-27 13:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by Patches 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U should teach your son some morals. He should 'no that adults should be respected. Sounds like u are siding with ur son not to call his "dad", dad which is wrong! How about calling him "Uncle ....... (add his first name) under a very flimsy excuse of not feeling "comfortable".
2006-11-27 13:23:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wonder what you would do if you were the non-custodial parent and your child didn't want to call you MOM, and wanted to call you by your first name. Sure... say you wouldn't mind. I won't believe it.
Teach your child to respect his father's wish to be called Dad.
2006-11-27 12:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by Leo F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your son that he has to call his Dad either dad Pop or Father. It's only right. Put yourself in your x's shoes. You wouldn't like it if your son stoped calling you Mom and called you by your name.
2006-11-27 13:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by Karen K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My stepson was 5 when I married his mom. I allowed him to call me Tim or Dad he choose Tim. He is now 15, he still calls me Tim but when his friends are around he refers to me as his Dad. It made him comfortable @ 5,It makes him my friend @ 15. In today's world I am glad I let him choose.As far as respect goes It is earned not demanded.
2006-11-27 15:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Father is respectful and he is your sons father right?
I call my father, father, not dad, my parents were never divorced.
2006-11-27 13:01:27 · answer #10 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋