My boyfriend would rather me play with myself, get myself aroused, and call him in when I'm ready, rather than have to be patient enough or DESIROUS- to arouse me himself. He is definately interested in himself getting off. He believes "making out" is for kids, not 30 somethings. I am getting tired of feeling sexually frustrated and undesirable, and thoughts of previous satisfying relationships are encroaching. I love him, but when I think about a lifetime of unsatisfying sex, I feel like running. I think he may be accustomed to women either throwing themselves at him, faking, or both. Help!
Update: We have been together 18 mos. and there was no foreplay in the beginning either. Also, conversation about what turns him on is non-existant. Talk dirty is the only thing he'll say, and he sure hasn't asked me, I think he's afraid of the answer!
2006-11-27 11:38:59 · 14 answers · asked by libby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Foreplay is a very fundamental issue for both of you, and if left unresolved can lead to much unhappiness and a flawed relationship. I don't think you'll get anywhere so long he maintains this attitude towards an aspect of sex which you obviously, and rightly, consider very vital. The actual sex act (after penetration) is only a culmination of the whole sexual act which starts with mutual arousal, foreplay, etc. and ends after mutually satisfying orgasms, however obtained. You are a woman, and you have your needs, which too must be satisfied BY HIM.
If you cannot to agree on this important aspect, it's probably time to look elsewhere (you do mention previous satisfying relationships). You say you love him, but I think you only mean you admire, or like, certain aspects of his personality.
Pardon me if I sound harsh, but I do not see much harmony in your present relationship, which may not last too long.
Marriage is likely to be disastrous. Don't leap into it blindly simply because you're over 30. You'll regret it. It's quite okay to marry late. Remember the saying: "Marry in haste, and repent at leisure."
Does he turn abusive or violent at times?
2006-11-27 11:59:07 · answer #1 · answered by wisdom tooth 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sexual issues can be the dagger that kills a relationship... Does he like it when you do foreplay on him? If the answer is no, then he wants to skip bases. He is not interested in your wants or desires and that is very selfish of him. Be blunt with how this makes you fees, so he isnt confused about what you are saying when you confront him on this. Chances are he doesnt care anyway, a selfish lover is the worst!!You might get along with him great but as you said a lifetime of unsatisfying sex is not worth losing your womanly desires and wants....He is closed up on this subject for a reason (could be anything, or maybe he thinks he would be bad at it anyway some people have insecurity issues about sex) and if you can figure out why maybe you can work on things...otherwise, tell him happy trails.....
2006-11-27 11:45:28 · answer #2 · answered by rufnready 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow.......you have a man that has only his best interest at heart.
I have never heard of such a thing. Asking you to work yourself up and call him in to finish it? That blows my mind.
I am 65 and I still love the foreplay as much or more than intercourse. The pleasure of feeling your skin and bringing you to orgasm is fantastic. He is missing so much and doesn't even know it.
Could he be embarrassed to admit at his age he has no clue what to do? It could be. But this "making out is for kids" thing....what is he thinking.
Unfortunately there are men who are so inept at making love they will not even try. Or it makes him feel like he is less of a man for some reason.
You call him your boyfriend. Please what ever you do make that all you have to do with him. If you consider marriage you can forget having anything close to sex just for you. If you got him a blowup doll he would be happy. I would not be surprised that the only woman he has ever been with before you were prostitutes.
Sure sounds like it.
If he is this way there has to be other things that are not good. Hates holding your hand in public...or private for that matter. Never kisses unless you prompt it. If so what is in this relationship for you?
Get out and find a man that loves to hold you and would take hours making love to you. Sounds like you have been there....you need to go back.
2006-11-27 12:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is pretty typical. I think a lot of men just want to be satisfied and then that's it. No person is responsible for your sexual satisfaction, you are responsible for that. A lot of men when they want to do it, they want to do it and that's it. I would get a nice personal toy and use it when needed if you can't get satisfaction. You are not going to change this guy. If you can't do something like what I said then end the relationship and find a guy like you want.
2006-11-27 11:45:33 · answer #4 · answered by foofoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a LOSER....sorry to say i was with the exact same kind of person....never had foreplay would just jump on and off when he was done...He SUCKED and i found someone else cuz i could not stand it anymore,not to mention what it did to my self -esteem.Trust me,it will not get better,he is a selfish @sshole and you deserve better!
2006-11-27 11:43:52 · answer #5 · answered by sugar_n_spice 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this guy has a mental block going on. Either that or he is just thinking about himself. Sorry if that sounds cruel for me to say, but I just call it as I see it.
You really need to talk to him about it, but if he's not interested start running.
Ever see "Chasing Amy" ? The song that the guys sing in the store.
"You got to lick it before you stick it. You got to munch it before you punch it" Sorry if I got obscene, I was just repeating something from a movie.
"Sincere - What is up with this "nygga" stuff? "
2006-11-27 11:46:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont waste your time to this kind of guy.he is the type of person with impatient attitude. he is inconsiderate or maybe he is not good in foreplay, or maybe he still have this kind of inhibition, ashame or maybe he is aroused of talkin dirty first before making love. gosh you dont need this kind of guy. there are so many guys around the corner who will submit and willingly to give love and attention and satisfaction.
2006-11-27 11:49:13 · answer #7 · answered by Salvacionf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it started with no foreplay, you allowed him to set the standard. Don't expect it to change now.
Basically he is a lazy lover who is selfish and doesn't care if you are satisfied.
2006-11-27 11:42:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without trying to be rude, shaving is an issue and smell is an issue, try shaving and perhaps a lube with a nice scent will help
2006-11-27 11:47:45 · answer #9 · answered by fasteddie762001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to him about this. Sex should be enjoyed by both people involved in it. If you feel you need more foreplay tell him you think that. He needs to satisfy your needs as much you need to satisfy his.
2006-11-27 11:42:42 · answer #10 · answered by Rei 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋