When your nice, why do you only get pain?

Question

Why when Im a good boyfriend, and a perfect freind, and Im nice to peopel I barely know, but I get nothing good out of it? Why cant I be loved for once? Why cant one of my friends show me they care for once? Why cant my gilrfriend take a turn at showing love? Why do i love God, and jesus, yet I dont get any love back?

People are mean to me all the time really though...Should I just get used to it?

I cant even talk to my family about my problems, or my friends, or my girlfriend. I try talking to God or Jesus and nothing happens.

Answer 1

Care for a buddhist explaination?Evil doers see good because the evil deeds have not ripen yet;when it ripen evil doers will feel the evil effects.Similarly,good doers see evil because the good deeds have not ripen yet;when it ripen good doers will feel the good effects!

Answer 2

i'm sorry that this happens to you- you just haven't met the right people yet. Do not let society get you down- don't let it change you- you sound like such a sweet person. I have been in your situation, and now have met someone really great. your time will come! The best way to feel love is to give it freely and unconditionally to those that need it most. Try doing some volunteer work at a shelter, or with animals. Devoting yourself to a cause you believe in will give hope to someone living in darkness- one more person that can pass the gift. Here's a free hug for ya'. I think that people (strangers) are just wrapped up in their own problems, that's why even strangers act mean. Where i live, people just give angry stares. there are nice people out there, just have to catch them at a good moment. Random acts of kindness help a lot

Answer 3

It's called satan.... He is a desever and he will fight your prayers like none other.... He will fight you spiritually trying to bring you down because he cant stand the fact that you serve the most high.... God Almighty.... You think that your prayers are not heard and you think that nothing is happening, that is what the devil wants you to think because that brings you down more than anything... But the devil is a liar, and if you could see all that is happening you wouldn't be able to say a word for years i'm sure.. God is working in your life and everytime you talk to him something great happens in your spirtual life.... There are demons all around you fighting off the prayers that you say, and fighting for your soul... Don't give in and dont let them wiln because you have something a whole lot more powerfull on your side you have the almighty and his warriors.... The angels for God are like warriors the Bible teaches and there are thousands of them camped around about the children of God day in and day out.... They will never stop working for you as long as you continue to live your live for God, and the stronger you get for God the bigger they get and the harder they will work... Satan can never touch that he is already defeated and he has already lost you need to say that out loud so that you make sure that satan hears that from you.... Pray and ask God to bind Satan from working in your life, the Bible teachs that what so ever is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven also... Satan flees in the name of Jesus remember that.,,, God bless and do not give up, Jesus is coming and the reward for you is with him...

Answer 4

The root of all problems is the self/ego. It doesn;t matter if it's a 'good' or 'nice' or 'spiritual' self (as opposed to a 'bad' one); once we think we're this ego/self and in need of things outside of us, the problem is set. The concept that we're these individual bodies that have all these needs -- especially psychological/spiritual ones -- is the issue. We then look for everyone and everything to give us what we can only get from inside ourselves. We 'love' and 'do good' to get something in return from others and, therefore, we'll always be disappointed. It's unfair to them, especially given that deep down underneath it all we're all struggling here (despite the smiley faces we put on). Each time you think someone is failing you, say a little prayer that you can remove your expectations and perceptions. And pray that the other person gets joy.

Answer 5

You need to keep seeking your answers from God. He will answer you in time but you need to be alert for his answer. Jesus already took on your burdens when he died at Calvary, so you should try to be more appreciative of what he's done for you already. God's love is completely unconditional. Your family, friends and even your girlfriend do have conditions even though they might not realize. Try to surround yourself more with like minded Christians. Although you are trying to lean on the Lord, do your friends help counsel you with Christian comfort? You cannot love God and say that you are not getting love back and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying that when you know it isn't true. Continue to be who you are, continue to be nice to people, that's what Jesus wants us to do. But, protect yourself from people who mean you no good and pray for them. If your girlfriend isn't showing you love, time for another girlfriend!

Answer 6

yah i feel you.
it sometimes doesn't matter if you get any love back, that isn't the point.
just because no one acknowledges that you have helped them doesn't take away the fact that you did make their life better in some little way.
you don't give your love away so that other people will "pay it back"
you give love because you genuinely care about helping people, and making the world a better place. many people have a hard time with this concept.
good luck

Answer 7

so do you really do all these actions soley for what you alone can get out of them, my friend this is greed.

Answer 8

Dear JoshrocksVegas:

To offer only a personal opinion - there are different things in this to look at:

We all sigh thinking about it, but we are all locked into a society at the present wherein there is too little appreciation, and gratitude is seldom expressed. We don't even hear enough of "Thank you" or "Excuse Me" or other polite terms anymore. Everyone notices it. All age groups. There is also a great deal of discomfort I think in inter-relating to others today. Harsh "combacks" when we talk, people into shady stuff, lots of mental instability, tons of anger, road rage, perversions, etc..

BUT, there are two things that can be done with our own family and friends, and certainly the love interest in our life. Sometimes, we don't feel so secure and depend on others for value and self-esteem. If we are especially nice to others we expect something back - something that we long for: To see that we matter to them, and are valuable and wanted and needed. They are grateful for us. Sometimes in that scenario, when we are doing nice things and treating people especially kindly and loving, it can be "seen" by others that we are somewhat insecure and doing it from that motive. They "see" we need their approval and affection and act very nice and kind - to receive it. They can sense it. They tend to perceive themselves then, as having the "upper hand" in a relationship with you. They feel you have turned over your power to them - and they don't have to "worry" about your attentions to them. They are happy to be around you. . .for certain. . .but, they don't expect the "boat" of your relationship to be rocked - due to you. So they are free to decide how the relationship shall run and what will be what and when.

The answer to this, as you are already guessing, is to examine the motive for being such a good friend. Everyone will want you to remain as and who you are. . .believe me (!), but the motive behind what we do and act like sometimes shows in our faces, when we have no idea that is so. So first, consider motives.
Sometimes we can just ask ourselves this simple question: "IF I wasn't so good to my friends, and IF I wasn't a great understanding boyfriend and good son, what would happen?" The answer will show you what you think on a deep level and what everyone is "seeing" in the weight, and how it balances, of their relationship with you. No backlash, please, once you have answered the question seriously to yourself. Don't suddenly turn around and act the exact opposite! Just temper your behaviors with the new knowledge you have acquired.

2. This is a tough thing to do, but I have done it myself. Start asking these people about it - out front. Look at your girlfriend and say why does the relationship "feel" to you a bit one-sided. Her honesty will make it clear to YOU as to whether or not the relationship should continue. Parents, especially, care about us. Take you mom or dad aside and tell them what you feel you have lacked in relationship with them, and why is this so? How do they see it? With friends - same thing. Grab one or two of them, alone, and ask them if you can ask an important question about the friendship. Make them understand you NEED to have some answers of substance. Keep questioning different ones until someone produces an answer that is worth hearing. Pick the one most important to you, first. Tell them they are important to you. You have always felt a genuine high regard toward them.

I once said to my former husband and a boyfriend I had a relationship with, later, that in all my life, no one ever made me feel I was really valued in their life. I had never felt really important to them - and I didn't know why. . .. I was shocked at the answers they gave me. It was so healing. And, I understood that every relationship has a person in it who needs to be in control. Due to their own insecure feelings (always covered up, of course !) and they establish a type of relationship with YOU that gives them the sense of control they need. They balance the relationship in their own favor.

It takes some courage, but well worth it. One on one , with the "game is up" type questioning. It will be well worth your effort.

About Jesus and God. Although we may talk with Them often, we need to learn how to HEAR Them respond. To do this, we need to officially ASK Them to come into our life. Ask Them to be your best friend and to make you feel Their Presence. Ask Them to talk to you and Guide you in Relationships. Make Them your personal Counselor. Jesus is a Master at this.

We can also ask this of Them and then - our Intellect puts up blockages to hearing and receiving ! Search your Mind for any possible thoughts you have of being afraid to actually feel Their Presence, or to actually HEAR Jesus speak to you through your Mind. He teaches mind-to-mind, and thought-to-thought. He won't fail you the moment He is truly allowed to be heard and felt. Any fear will block it.

P.S. Josh. . .today is 11/29/06. I am adding this late to my Post.
Something came to me: Are you a passive personality? Good, kind, always there for others, but passive? Passiveness often contains traits of goodness - but the person can be "pushed" around, controlled, and is usually not respected (even by family) for they don't possess strength of "Self." They "give in," say "ok" to what others want, don't make "waves," and don't defend themselves when others are "out of line." They don't get attention. ; because they don't demand it. They don't assert themselves. They are comfortable, easy to be around, but don't make strong impressions on others. If this is true in your case, you will need to learn how to begin "asserting" yourself more. Have more definite opinions, take the "reins" more often, etc.

Sincerely, Lana

Answer 9

maybe the majority of your friends are shy.