This is kind of a complicated question for Christians, about God and lust and marriage...?

Question

So when my boyfriend and I (both Christians) used to have something like a make-out session, we would be seized with a guilt afterward, even though we never got close to sex. We knew this was God's conviction. We would pray about it and ask God to take the lust and temptation away. We've had a very healthy relationship, with lots of prayer and talking to our pastor and his wife about stuff... etc... The purity has been an amazing blessing from God. We also know that we as sinners will fail God 100%, and we understand forgiveness... we've never crossed the sex line, or gotten close. Last month, we decided to get married in the next few years, after we graduate from college-- this decision was also made with alot of prayer and counseling, and God has just confirmed our decision with many many answers to our prayers... We are still praying about it and for each other. But today we had a slight slip-up like the old make out sessions we used to feel guilty about...

and there was strangely no guilt... I'm not sure what this means... I don't think it's because I'm out of touch with God-- I'm very much alive in prayer with Him. I don't know what this means... We are willing to wait the years until marriage for sex, but what exactly does this thing today mean? Why didn't I feel that old guilt?

and should we marry sooner, to prevent the burning with passion that Apostle Paul warned against?

Answer 1

I commend you on remaining pure before the Lord. Both of my children did also.
As for the feeling or lack of guilt, It may be that you deciding to get married freed your conscience , but I would suggest that you stay away from all temptation because when this happens Satan sees an little crack in your defenses, and he sneaks in very slowly and undetected.
As for moving up the date, I would have to know the two of you to make a proper suggestion, but I will say that approximately 80% of the time that couples get married while still in college. They get pregnant and one of them drops out of school to work full time.
Please continue to pray, and stay in counseling and very close contact with your pastor.

Pastor Bill

Answer 2

You should get married right away, or break up right away. What you are doing is stupid. Never set a long engagement, especially since you are so close to each other. If you are going to continue to play this childish game, then make an agreement that you will NEVER see each other with out a chaperon present. Never touch each outer and always keep a minimum distance of 1 foot between you . Never kiss again until you wedding day. You are playing with something that can hurt you both.
The fact that felt no guilt would scare the living hell out of me. Read Romans 1: 24 and see what can happen. If you ignore the convicting power of the holy Spirit-He will leave. The real sad part is that you may not realize it until its too late. Get serious now.

Answer 3

do you think that Adam and Eve got a liciense. It is the commitment that makes the marriage not a piece of paper. Further the guilt may have not had to do with doing the sex act but about breaking everybody elses rules or hearts. Think about those possibilities. Also be sure you have a sound plan cuz this is no world to bring a child into without planning.

The first commandment was go forth and multiply, and I am just sure that thios was not about math. It was a strong command accompanied by a strong drive. At this point you need to re-evaluate. Nobody is gonna condemn you at this point but what do you want to do, or what do you think you should do.

Lotsa questions to be asked like what if some past person who was needed had decided to wait and then say Winston Churchill had been born too later or not at all. Time for more prayer. Cuz it is God's will you need not anyone elses.

Answer 4

I HAVE been in the same boat as you - couldn't convince myself if God was real. But...that isn't how it works anyway. Even the Bible says that coming to God must be the work of the Spirit. God won't force anyone to believe or follow Him though. Keep praying for God to show you the Truth - that's what I did, and it might not come overnight, but that doesn't mean God isn't listening. Sometimes He answers right away and other times it takes years. I think a lot of it depends on our faith in getting an answer. Also, on the issue of creation - the Bible also says that a day to God is like a thousand years to man. So....there is potential that it was not a 24hr day. However....this is God - it would not be impossible for Him to have created the world in seven 24-hr days either. The bottom line, is He did it. On the issue of homosexuality - God does not say to mistreat homosexuals or to hate them. This was not His original intention for creation, but unfortunately when sin entered the world, things became corrupt. We aren't going to understand everything - after all, we are not God. He created us, not the other way around. This is also not the only sin spoken strongly against - lying is ranked right along with homosexuality among other sins. All of us have tendencies that we have to fight against - it's part of battling the flesh. Just keep seeking God like you are doing and: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6 Leaning to our own understanding is where we get into trouble - that doesn't mean don't ask questions, but realize God is the answer. (a more minor example - if a first grader couldn't solve a precalculous problem, that doesn't mean the instructor is wrong in the solutions. The instructor has the answer even if the student doesn't understand it yet.)

Answer 5

No one can give you a definite answer to your question. But I would ask you why you want to wait for years to get married. That sounds like an unwise course of action because you are both young and if you are going to different colleges God only knows what could happen.

I would guess that the reason that you don't feel guilty is because you have it in your mind that you two are going to be married and have made the commitment and so it's not like two people who are just making out with no sure prospect of marriage in the future. You think that it was God who was convicting you before and you may be right because the Bible says that if we do anything thinking that it may be a sin then for us it is a sin. You may have now changed your mind because of your future wedding and so God isn't convicting you because you feel that it is alright and so since you are not actually commiting the sin of fornication there isn't anything to convict you about.

Answer 6

While not being far from God, it could be that "making out" has become more customary, so you don't feel the same guilt. The trouble is, as you know, you are playing with fire.
I have a question: Have you considered getting married sooner than later?
1) You would be able to have all the sex you want, within God's will!
2) The marriage doesn't need to be expensive
3) You don't need to have everything right away when you get married
4) Two students not married don't cost less than two students married. If your parents are supporting you in your studies, why not talk to them about it? If they share your convictions, explain to them frankly the temptations you are having.
Personally, in the case of a couple whose values do not include sex before marriage, I would recommend short engagements. It would be very easy to talk yourselves in to the argument of: "Well, we're committed to eachother anyway". However I really believe you woul dregret it, Even after marriage, it would create a lack of trust: "He (she) slipped up before marriage. Can I totally trust him (her) now?"
I don't mean to impose my values on you but from what you are saying, these are your values.

Answer 7

You guys are putting yourselves in an occasion of sin. it is like a alcoholiv hanging out in a bar...you are not as strong as you think. There is no guilt now because consciously you guys have decided that you are going to get married so if you really did slip it would be ok. Don`t kid yourselves, plan to get married sooner than later. Many of my friends went through university married and with God...some with kids some without....

Answer 8

What ever happens God will love you and forgive your human weakness. I give you credit for trying to stay pure. But if it is becoming so difficult perhaps you should marry. Otherwise you run the risk of having relations before marriage, which may fill you with guilt. Christ died for you and He doesn't want your life burdened with guilt, whatever happens stay close to the Lord.The fact that you didn't feel guilty doesn't mean that you won't later on. God Bless you.

Answer 9

You felt guilty in it before not because it was wrong, but because you have been conditioned that it is wrong. Making out was a sign of sexual pleasure to you and by doing so you felt as if you had committed a sexual sin. Now, you are (in a sense) married to each other and no longer feel the guilt for engaging in this behaviour. I say that you are in a sense married because in your hearts since you have decided to make the commitment to each other that you will get married (go through a ceremony) and you have done so before God, that you are somewhat bound to the feelings that you have for each other. Make out with him tonight. Give in to this feeling. It is natural, it is good because you love each other. The Bible never said "Thou Shalt Not Make Out".

Answer 10

Well, first let me commend you on your ability to remain chaste.

The guilt might be gone because you've accepted that this is your husband. It doesn't sound like you've become reprobate. If you were, you wouldn't be asking this question.

I think you are doing just fine in your walk. Continue to pray and ask God for guidance. He will answer your prayers on these matters. Just don't over convict yourself when God hasn't condemned you.