When my parents divorced, I was about 3 and never had a relationship with my biological father. My mother remarried when I was 5 and I consider my stepfather my father.
I was always made to feel like something was wrong with me when I would inquire about seeing my father. Neither my mom or stepdad could understand why I would want to. They actually got mad at me, and acted as if I was ungrateful for all they had done for me because I wanted to see him.
Isn't there an innate desire to see your biological parents? Is it wrong for parents to try to keep their children from seeing their biological parents because it is hurtful for them to relive those old memories?
My maternal grandmother told me I shouldn't want to see them because my paternal grandmother was living with a man and my paternal grandfather was a drunken adulterer. Should that keep me from seeing my biological father - warts and all?
2006-11-27 11:13:04 · 13 answers · asked by SuzieQ92 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I wanted to add here that I am of age. I am in my 30s. Also, what little my mother has said about the man did include that he was a good father. He just stunk at being a husband between drinking and adultery. I believe he physically abused her too. I hate that he did that, but I need to know where I came from and if I look like him, whether or not he has a relationship with God, things like that.
2006-11-27 11:30:28 · update #1
I wouldn't expect him to a father after all these years but I do think you have the right to meet him and let the chips fall where they may. You are an adult you don't need your mom's blessings to visit your bio dad. You don't need to say anything to your mother about the visit it will only upset her.
2006-11-27 11:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by Pandora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's natural to want to meet your biological father.
It's also natural for the parents who raised you to be afraid of you getting hurt. Divorced parents remember all the hurtful things their ex spouse said or did. Your grandmother obviously thinks your biological dad came from a unstable family and wants to protect you.
I wonder how old you are. Didn't your bio' dad have any visitation rights? Has he tried to see you? Talk to your parents about how you feel. Maybe they will agree to let you meet your Dad at a safe location, like an Aunt's home. Maybe they would let you write or e-mail him to get to know him better. If not, you might have to wait until you are over eighteen to contact him.
2006-11-27 11:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by Karrose 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think it is dysfunctional..seems the norm in many families but: Yes...you have the right to know your biological father. Yes it is very wrong for your mom to keep you from knowing him. Keep in mind that he may have hurt her and that is why she is afraid he may hurt you too. Be careful and please do not give your parents a bad attitude about there opinions...respect it for what it is. Reassure them it is nothing personal against them, you are curious for understanding the whole you. When you are of proper age (states vary)...you will have the legal right to do so. Research it more to know for your state. Good luck and I hope if your biological father and/or grandfather were drunks that they have changed their way of life and have become better people.
2006-11-27 11:34:04 · answer #3 · answered by Mamma Mia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i don,t think your family is a dysfunctional family.I feel like your family feels threatened by your desire to meet your biologial father.Your step dad loves you and he,s afraid you will love your biologial father more than him,and your mom is protecting your step dad....I wouldn,t go behind their backs as one of these answers suggested,it would only do more damage.I went through this same thing myself.I got married to a very abusive man and I left him,and got an annulment,then i married my child hood sweet heart,we had the baby,and later he found out and went searching for his biological dad..My husband,my sons step dad,was so hurt,it was so bad,he felt as though he was being rejected...You need to bring it up to both your Mom and step dad togeather,and let them Know from the start that no one will ever take their place,your step dad has been your Dad all your life and you will NEVER love your real Dad as you do your step dad...Your step dad is going to be hurt regardless,but you will have to make him understand..Probably you won,t even like your real dad,my son didn,t he even hated he looked him up........Hes a drunk and abuser,the only other reason your Mom and dad don.t want you to look him up ,other than what i told you is ,he might be an *** of a man ,and they don,t want to see you hurt..good luck
2006-11-27 11:40:03 · answer #4 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same situation when I was old enough to understand what my real father was like, drunken drug addict, I enlisted the help of a PI and all the stuff my mom said was true I passed on making contact with him father or not I don't need that in my life
2006-11-27 11:31:58 · answer #5 · answered by ponitail 55 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is is your right to see your Dad. Granted, he may have a lot of faults, but you will have to find out for yourself. Your Mom should let you do this, but she should have minimal contact with your Dad. Try and make your Step dad aware that you are very grateful and that this has nothing to do with lack of love or respect for him. You just want to know what your real father is like. Good luck and I hope you are not disappointed.
2006-11-27 11:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very normal and natural for you to want to see your biological father-warts and all. you need to see him or you'll spend the rest of you life wondering about him, and one day it might be too late and you will have so much regrets. Maybe your mum and natural dad had a bad relationship, and its quite normal that she is trying to protect you from what she thinks is not a very nice person. You should have a really good talk to your parents about how much you want to see your natural father, you need to see for yourself what he is like, hopefully they will understand.
2006-11-27 11:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong. I think it is very normal for anyone to want to see who they came from. Yes, it is not right for them to be angry at you or make you feel bad for wanting to meet the man that you came from. Maybe you could get the info and do a search on your own. If you find him, don't share the details with your mom and dad.
2006-11-27 11:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 27 year old son was given up by his father to my new husband when the son was 5 years old. My son knows that he is adopted by my 2nd ex. But he wants to know his bio father. I don't know why this is so important to him. His bio father physically abused me and nearly killed me. His adoptive father wasn't as close to him as he should have been. I wouldn't keep my son from seeing his bio father. But get opinions from all your family. They know things about your dad that you can't imagine. It maybe very painful for your mom to speak of your real dad. So be understanding if its hard for her. I hope it works out for you.
2006-11-27 11:23:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will always be a desire to met your dad that won't go away. There must be a reason that they keep you from it, what ever the reason is this will be a adventure for you. It may seem wrong but once you become of age you will seek him out.
2006-11-27 11:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Rhonda S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋