What should I do about my parents?

Question

What should I do about my parents?
I am 22 and engaged to a girl that I met on True.com. We met 2 months ago. Yes, I know that this is fast, but we have both prayed about this and we know that this is right. The problem is my parents. They are seperated and do not get along very well. They are furious with me for being engaged. It is not only the fact that we met online. They think she is a loser and has no ambition because she had to drop out of high school to take care of herself. She is 19 and she plans to get her GED. They are also mad because she has no drivers license. She is getting that, in fact we went to the highway patrol office just today and got her a study book. My mom is telling my dad things that are not true about my fiancee. For example she told him that she told her that education means nothing to her. She never said anything remotely close to this. I was sitting right there when this supposedly happened.

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My father thinks I am lying to them about a lot of things because of the things my mother is saying. This hurts me, because I have not told him a lie since I was 10 years old. I do not live with my parents and I know that I am an adult, but I love my parents and do not want to ruin my relationship with them. I also don't want to lose my fiancee. I know she loves me, but I am afraid she will get tired of my parents and leave me. What should I do to make my parents happier and put their fears to rest? My parents do not understand the fact that we have prayed and we are doing what we feel God wants us to do. My mother is a Christian but doesn't believe this kind of thing about the faith. I do not believe that my father is a Christian at all.

Answer 1

At 22 you are entitled to do what you want, make your feelings known to your parents, tell them you love them and appreciate their concerns, but it is your life, and as an adult you need the time and space to make your own decisions. Talk frankly to them about any misconceptions they have of your fiance, but don't do it with hostility. You say you have prayed about your decision, that suggests a faith in God, in which case, approach this with a meek and humble attitude. Respect your parents, involve them in your decision as much as possible, but ensure they know that it is your decision, and that they must abide by it.

My daughter is getting married in a few weeks, her fiance would not be my choice, but she is the one marrying him, and I love her enough to respect that choice, your parents will do the same if they love you.

Answer 2

It is unlikely that you will change your parents opinions on the matter. And, quite frankly, I don't see how your relationship with them is that good if they are willing to lie about your fiancee and call you a liar.

If you and your girl are happy, that's what's really important. You have a right to chart your own path in life. In a kinder world, your parents would support you in that, but they don't, so it may be time to step back from them and step forward with your future bride.

One would hope they won't cause a problem at the wedding, but if you think they will - don't invite them. You could challenge them directly about the lies and calling you a liar, but I don't think (from what you've said) it will make that big a difference.

If you have concerns about you're family affecting your marriage, talk to your fiancee about it. Be sure you understand her concerns and she understands yours.

Lastly, the reasons your parents have offered sound fairly petty. There may be something more going on here unless that's the way they've always acted. Before making any drastic decisions, try to get the whole story and understand exactly what their deal is.

Answer 3

Unfortunately they are probaly at least halfway right. You really probably do not even know yourself yet after 22 years and I doubt you have really established long term material yet. However, if it is what you feel you must do then I hope things will work out for you . My only bit of advice in that case would be to tell you that you cannot please everyone and if you try to do so you will only make yourself unhappy in the long run. If you must get married right away rather than to wait then you simply need to remind your parents that they are done with the practical raising of you and they can only hope that they have given you the proper tools you will need to get you on the right path for life. We all have to let go of our children some day and yes, it is often painful. However, they have to realize you were going to grow up and be able to make you own decisions and mistakes eventually. It is up to you to determine if this will be a choice for the good or if it will end up being a painful learning experience that many of us have to make before we really know what we think we know.

Answer 4

I have two sons 20 and 24, I know that I only want the best for them, this is fast! Take your time on getting married, say at least one year, I don't doubt that your love for her real, and it won't change in a year, it will only be stronger, there are some things she needs to do, give her time to complete them. good luck and god bless.

Answer 5

Continue to love your parents. Marry the lady, and help her to study to get her GED, then she can proceed for a degree or career training. When your parents see that you are sincerely happy, they will eventually come around.

Two months is very fast. Are you certain?

Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

I would say pray about it again, if you still get the same answer from God, do it. You have to live with her not your parents.

Answer 7

I'd say ignore your parents. They are not getting married to this girl...you are. She has to come first to you. Tell them that you do not appreciate them bad-mouthing her. If that fails, tell them to take a look at their own relationship and that they are no authority on relationships (no offense intended, I know that can be a sore topic...)

Your mother is a Christian but is spreading lies about her? That is sad.

God bless you.

Answer 8

Your parents are just going to have to deal with you marrying this girl. If they love you then they will love you no matter who you are with. They should have your back regardless.

Answer 9

so tell ur parents since they r seperated they r divided and u getting divided answers and u will make ur decision ur over 21 and have ur own voice

Answer 10

Well, if you prayed and everything is fine then just do it. Your parents will come around soon enough.