do I keep trying? Girls?

Question

a girl I work with has my attention.I flirt hard and have asked her out a few times and she's always busy with her kids.We have deep personal conversations and she always lights up when she sees me. Ive told her if she doesnt want the extra attention to just tell me and she says its ok. I cant seem to break her shell and I cant get any encouragement or discouragement. I like her alot, how long should I persue? The Flirting is very suggestive and I wouldnt become a stalker as one answerer suggested. please leave your approx age so I know what kind of advice I'm getting.this has been going on 3 weeks to a month.

Answer 1

Ask her and the kids to do something. Depends if it's winter where you live or not, but the park/picnic/sledding, etc, all that's really cheap, and it gets the kids kinda busy so you can have some grown-up time (depending on their ages of course). As a single mother myself, I am reluctant to date, make sure a potential mate realizes kids come first, and if he's still interested, he gets a couple of points! I am 37. Good luck!

Answer 2

do you know when she last went out with someone? from what you've said it sounds like she likes you but might be lacking the confidence to take things futher? being busy with her kids is likely to be an excuse as if she wanted to she could probably suggest an alternative time when she's free?

take things easy, could you possibly arrange something on a casual basis and build up to a 'proper' date? like going for a coffee at lunchtime - that sort of thing. with christmas coming up haven't you got a work outing to look forward to or something? if you could get the coffee thing in a couple of times beforehand you could clinche things then!

might be better to not be too heavily suggestive on the flirting thing if you do get anywhere, she might feel that you'll have expectations after all the flirting if you do go out and there's lots of difference between flirting i.e. fantasy and reality (not saying that she doesn't want you but if she's not been with anyone for a while might need her confidence building a bit first?).

hope you're happy with whatever does happen x

29

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to sit her down and ask her if there's any hope for you and her going out at all. If you're both old enough to be working/having kids, you're old enough to have a grown-up discussion about what your expectations are in the relationship.

Let her know you're fine being friends with her, but that you're really hoping it leads to more. Be nice, and don't expect too much. You've only been trying to win her over for a month.

Also, maybe she's worrying that her having kids might turn you off. Maybe suggest an outing that includes them, at some point.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I think the best way to "break the shell" may to be more of a supportive friend. Back off a little with the flirting and take on the role of the friend she can confide in. Observe her moods and give her a chance to vent to you. Dont flirt, just listen. Then act based on what she tells you. For instance, say you see her one day and she looks her mind is occupied with something. If you ask her if something is on her mind, she may tell you that she needs to take her child to a game on top of a number of other errands she has to run. The you can offer to take the child to the game for her or something. That way you begin to build her trust.

Simply and bluntly put...Just shut up and listen sometime. I'm 24 years old.

Answer 5

Wow, so far aimhigh is the only one who understands the actual technicality here and read/understood you: You're 20, and she's 16. This is a legal problem; as in, it's illegal activity. My answer will be really short, but as has been suggested, you need to tell her straight up to stop it. This will sound harsh, but tell her you're not attracted to her/interested in her, and that she needs to leave you alone. Heck, you could even go so far as to lying to her, and telling her that you're in a relationship with someone and you're not going to cheat on her just to satisfy this girl's advances on you. i'm sure it's difficult and tempting, but you'll be saving yourself some BIG legal and lifetime consequences man by getting away from her / getting her away from you.

Answer 6

She likes your attention. Does it put you out to keep giving it to her? Maybe the shell you perceive is her way of keeping it friendly. She might just like how you treat her but doesn't really want anything else. You say she has kids. Maybe she's being careful. Her kids area full-time commitment. Are you as interested in them as you are in her? Work relationships are a fragile thing. You shouldn't be so ready to rock that boat.

Just keep on being cool to her and let the friendship develop. If you lose interest in the mean time, that's okay, but don't push this one.

~I'm 30.

Answer 7

It seems you really do like her a lot, well if she is fine with it go on things will eventually lay out for you two and your relationship could go further. But if you are stuck in the same area you are now and wait a good few months and nothing really changes then maybe your relationship will stay the same as it is now....my age is 15.......Hey just because i am young i have a few good things to say. ^_^


but other words persue on if she doesn't mind and your realationship should go further.......if you go on and nothing really changes then stop and move on

Answer 8

She's mature enough to know that three weeks isn't long enough to start a relationship,especially since she has kids,She probably won't bring a man around them unless she's getting serious and three weeks just isn't doing it.She sounds sensible to me and she doesn't want to be looked upon as a sexual conquest because she has kids.Also remember that kids come with her and if you aren't interested in being involved with them in all ways then you should cut the flirting,there's way more than sexual attraction involved here.I am 56 yrs. old how's that for experience and advice?

Answer 9

I would say that she may not be sure you're being totally serious. Sometimes men flirt a lot with a woman that they're just friends with. I would say ask her out! something casual. Make it better and invite her children. if they're younger maybe something fun like the aquarium or planetarium, if they're older movies and dinner alone with mom!

good luck.
20

Answer 10

Why don't you try being direct before you choose to give up, ask her are you ever not going to be busy when I ask you out?

Tell her straight out that you want to know cus you don't want to waste your time pursuing someone that's not interested.