How easy will it be to marry a soldier?

Question

I am about to marry but he is a soldier but i fear he will leave me go on they usual operation and if we marry and have kids they will not know him well because he is always away.

Answer 1

I am engaged to a solider, as he is also my best friend too. We are getting married while he is almost at the end of his term. However, marriage and engagement is practically the same thing as we are together either way.

He has been in Iraq for 7 months, stationed in Japan for 2 years and about to go back to Iraq this March after his birthday. We will miss our anniversary...again and my birthday...again. However, at least we have christmas and valentines this year. At least we have time spent as he is now stationed in San Diego. At least we did some fun stuff like sky diving and bought our first truck together as our gifts to eachother. As much as it is hard, have to stay positive. Have to not give him anything for him to worry about as he is away from home. When in war, he needs not to have his mind on problems at home as his focus will not be on his own safety. Reason to have that strong relationship and support system with other wives and families to get through it.

I do recommend to talk with a chaplin on base and discuss this with your fiance of your concerns.

How long his he in service for? Does he plan to re-sign or did he re-sign already?

It is the price that is paid. He can't control his duty to his country hun. It is not selfish to want him home. That is completely understandable. However, until he is out, that is his duty when called upon. If strong communication, strong trust and strong family unit, you both can get through it. What helps while he is away is discuss and have support group of other military wives with military children too.

At the same time, your children can miss out as your husband will too. Yet, when explained and understood, children can easily adjust and understand their dad's job. Children need stability and best to know move around as that is the common complaint of children growing up. That is why it is highly recommended to film, write and do as much communication as possible while he is gone. (Film events, stuff around house, write letters, telephone calls, via internet etc). Just because he is not physically there doesn't mean he isn't emotionally.

Over all, after discussing and finding info from other families, you might feel you are still not ready for this life style. (or you might feel better). It is best for you to decide on either waiting until he gets out of the military or not marrying him at all if you are in doubt. He can't control this issue and have to remember, this is also hard on him. I highly doubt he wants to not be home. He can be having the same fears as you. Talk to him and find that local support.

Answer 2

My sister in-law is married to a soldier and has three kids. Recently he has been away quite alot (just got back from 8 months away in Iraq) and she says it is difficult but she's proud of him beyond belief, however she is constantly worrying about him & missing him and says it takes a strong relationship to stay together and to get through it as often when he comes back he has seen disturbing things and needs time alone.

Her 3 girls know their dad really well, they have video links once a week and telephone conversations everday when he is away. The army always offer family support and guidance

Being a soldier is a demanding lifestyle but if you love him, really love him then this shouldnt matter. stand by him through everything and make sure if he needs time alone, he gets time alone. When he comes home from long strecthes away be there with open arms.

Answer 3

for the way lengthy have you ever been courting him? you're nevertheless so youthful, you've an finished life previous to you and also you should date him longer in the previous you marry. you're very youthful and also you're apologetic about your selection. I married a soldier at 21 and that i stay in a satisfied marriage yet at the same time as i replaced into 18, i do not imagine i ought to have dealt with each of the deployments and transferring. At your age, some years count number too. squaddies in the present day set up for 12 months. some months in the past, they deployed for 15 months and in the previous that, maximum deployed for 18 months (reckoning on which unit you're positioned into). there's a threat that the period of deployments will flow up back. you have to be particular that you'll be able to deal with that. that's not worry-free yet conceivable from time to time. an excellent type of squaddies and spouses basically can't take it and it commonly occurs that protection stress spouses locate it tricky to attain their occupation aims because of the rather well-known PCSing. at the same time as the actual tricky area comes is once you've little ones and examine were given to get round on your human being. you have to be thoroughly self sustaining and that is now complicated for most human beings even once you're over 30. As bases are spread out, you should no longer be able to be certain your household too commonly. it really is an outstanding signal that you're positive about it yet you should understand each of the drawbacks of this life type too. it really is the purely way you are able to ascertain your selection is sweet for both you and your important different.

Answer 4

I grew up in the military life. Being a military wife takes a completely understanding person, know that your husband/wife could be gone for years at a time. My father retired when I was 14 and I barely knew him. I was very happy that he was around for my high school yrs, but I look back at my childhood and he missed out on alot of things and he knows it too. But that is the job he choose to do. I'm very grateful for everything that he has done for me. If it wasn't for him being in the army, I wouldn't have been able to see and experience everything that I did.

Answer 5

You may weep mat his absecence but stay proud.
Wait a minute what did I just type?
I mean do what you think is right.

This time it is about youu and not the kids, if you do not already have them.
Besides It is you who would be getting married. I think sometimes we all have to think before hand, even before asking this on Here Now??!
You may get some real good advice but try to make you own decision on this

Answer 6

if you have this much fear in the begining maybe you shouldn't marry. I am a soldier myself and it is hard being married. somtimes I have to sepreate myself so that when it is time to leave it won't be hard. but try to stick it out soldiers need love too

Answer 7

its as easy as marrying an normal civvy (sum1 not in the army)...once you marry a squaddie (soldier) you move where he moves 2...you have the option of living in army accomadation!!......as for kids,if he his any sort of father then he will make all the efforts he can to do whats right by your children!!........my brother in law is in the army and he lives 200 miles away from his kids but every other weekend he spends the whole weekend with them!!

Answer 8

I have been married to military man for 13 years now.

He has been deployed for 1 year at a time, yet we still make it work. We also have 3 kids and they have always known their father.

If you truly love this man then you can make it work. I think at times with my husband being deployed at times it gave us a break from one another to make us realize what we have together is special.

Answer 9

it is a huge committment. larger than most could imagine. but it can be done. at some point he probably will leave, and you will be left to hold things down here, but there are great ways to keep in touch now while they are deployed and with some effort, your kids will grow up knowing him well and being proud of their father. you just have to make sure you are ready for that type of relationship. it will be hard. you can't go into it with doubts. that isn't fair to you, him or your future family. good luck.

Answer 10

as you are expressing these concerns now ; get in touch with the military chaplain or support group to talk to these people about these things before you go ahead with the marriage.
also make sure you talk to him so that he is aware of these issues
knowing that he is in the military then surely you should have been aware from the start that it is more than likely in todays world that he will be deployed.
if you dont feel that you are going to be able to cope with his absences then do him a favour & call the wedding off NOW