My boyfriend would rather me play with myself, get myself aroused, and call him in when I'm ready, rather than have to be patient enough to arouse me himself. He believes "making out" is for kids, not 30 somethings. I am getting tired of feeling sexually frustrated and undesirable, and thoughts of previous satisfying relationships are encroaching. I love him, but when I think about a lifetime of unsatisfying sex, I feel like running. I think he may be accustomed to women either throwing themselves at him, faking, or both. Help!
2006-11-27 09:36:50 · 16 answers · asked by libby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OMG...... even at 48 I'd jump at the chance to have a moment of passion like that.... he's way off...there is nothing wrong with making out like a teenager...lol. Besides does he expect for you to just turn on the passion without being warmed up?
You may want re-evaluate the relationship. Granted it's not all about sex, but if there isn't any satisfying sex....there is nothing!
2006-11-27 09:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In your specific case, it may be he's just bored with the same-old same-old. You'll get bored with anything, even your favorite activities, foods, TV shows, etc, if you do it too much or the same all the time. Variety is not just the spice of life, its essential for good spiritual health (i.e. being able to be passionate, excited, and interested in life and activities).
So you might have to take the lead and show him foreplay that HE enjoys, so he GETS it. Then explore together so that you find things that he enjoys doing for you, and so forth. Get creative, etc. Its sometimes good to talk about it &try to figure out what you want to try, but often people have no idea what they really want, so I am a big fan of experimentation over calculation.
This can turn up some interesting things in people--you might find out that he has a foot fetish, or likes S&M, or has a weird thing for fruits & vegetables during sex or etc etc...try not to pass judgement, as the point is to get at what REALLY turns us on, and not worry about the reason or what it might imply. Most kinks are safe, anyways.
If he's not open to trying to find these things, then the problem could be deeper, psychologically. Perhaps he's very close-minded and needs things a 'certain way' and is afraid (or unwilling) to experiment, or maybe he's just damn selfish....I don't know him so I can't say.
2006-11-27 17:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by wavemage 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds very selfish. if a guy doesn't know that foreplay is as important as anything else in the bedroom, he is VERY selfish. "making out" is for kids. foreplay is about more than just making out. my advice: go to Victoria's secret, by the sexiest thing you can find, and wear it for him. invite him into the bedroom and show him how adults are supposed to have sex. he may just need some advice/gentle corrections. comments like: a little to the left, a little lower, that feels good, etc really help a man feel like he is doing a good job. he may be unsure of what you like. don't be afraid to give him advice, and ask him what you can do better as well. maybe both of you need some constructive criticism. if he doesn't want to change, dump the loser!
2006-11-27 17:49:27 · answer #3 · answered by forjj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just board. Try spicing it up for him but don’t over do it like some of the other ladies that wear lingerie and sexy panties. Men don’t care about that stuff. Try putting on one of his shirts with nothing on under. Don’t try to be sexy just go about your day as if this is normal. Do all the bending and laying you would normally do. And don’t touch him or let him touch you. Allot of times woman make them selves to available witch is a turn off for men. Remember that we only chance the ones that run. also go out to a sex shop (always go with a friend) and pick up some new toys to play with. Then, when you feel a little frisky put on an adult movie and go ahead and satisfy your self.
He should feel left out and maybe a little jealous that you are watching other men in order to get off. Also he is going to feel as though you don’t need him in order to satisfy your self... well now that you have that new Hitachi massager.
If that doesn’t work try fore playing him like he likes it and then, just before he arrives stop.... don’t be mean or spiteful. Keep it playful.... and tell him that if he wants more he is going to half to give you a little of the same treatment.
If you need any more ideas email me.
O
P.S. Don’t forget that a lot of men don’t like kissing so if the root of your problem is kissing... then find a girl friend to help you with that.
2006-11-27 17:59:32 · answer #4 · answered by orpheus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if it's important to you, then he needs to respect it. He needs to understand that real men take pleasure in pleasing their woman. He needs to grow up, for real. Lady, I feel you. I am in the same situation with my bf, and I told him all these things. I believe if you share something so personal and intimate, then it should be a group effort to make sure everyone is pleased and satisfied. If he can't please you, then find someone who will. I mean, he's selfish. So is my bf, though. I sat him down and told him how I feel. He said he'll work at it, but so far, nothing. I'm guessing one day I'll either just move away, or get fed up with it and find someone willing to make me scream! Good luck!
2006-11-27 17:46:11 · answer #5 · answered by shondak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is bored, wrong and stupid. That being said it is a mutual decision to get help.
He needs to make a concerted effort and maybe you should seek counseling.
If you want to make the marriage work, you need mutuality.
Good Luck and tell him NO - let's do this together - pause the darn movie!!!
I reread your question - just get out now. You are not married - there is no point in staying with someone so selfish.
2006-11-27 17:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
could be he is either lazy and uncaring and just needs to get satisfaction for himself or maybe in previous relationship foreplay he was not good at and he was told as much. that would certainly put him off. try asking him why he feels it necessary for you to perform on yourself without him even being there. he just may feel insecure about it. good luck but if things dont get better get yourself going.
2006-11-27 17:47:55 · answer #7 · answered by Veronica C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be a jerk, but he isn't very attentive to your needs and maybe you should consider a different boyfriend. This will spill over into other areas of your relationship if it has not already. Selfishness never helps a relationship.
2006-11-27 17:40:09 · answer #8 · answered by Local Celebrity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him! Foreplay is the appetizer before the entree for goodness sake. WHATS AN ENTREE WITHOUT AN APPETIZER?
2006-11-27 17:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
JEEZ!!! He is not right.. I love foreplay and helping a woman play with herself...
Sounds like he is inadequate to the task, get another to help you out... Can I help?? :D
2006-11-27 17:39:24 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋