My future in laws are paying for their daughter's entire wedding! Their son, my fiancee, is getting nothing! My fiancee and I were engaged first and have not recieved any help. Granted we both have jobs and are managing to pay for the wedding, but they are giving their daughter everything! They have paid for her hall, photographer, dj and supplies. My fiancee and I were told they would pay or our hall...never got the money! Now we are being told they will pay for our rehearsal dinner...how can I trust they will? Why would they pay for a wedding that was planned after we started our planning? What would cause the parents to pay for one and not the other? They like me better then their daughter's fiancee...they do love me! Basically I am wondering if anyone else has ever had this happen? What did you do? Why would they do this? How can I get them to help us out more?
2006-11-27 09:02:14 · 22 answers · asked by Blondie98_01 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are not following tradition in who pays for the wedding due to the fact they asked us not to so they could help to pay! I am not whining I am just asking how other people may have dealt with a similar situation! HIS FAMILY LOVES ME! They are always raving about me to other family members therefore that is not a reason!Also I am not jealous I am just questioning their actions. Why would they request to not follow traditions in paying if they were not going to help pay anyways! JUST ASKING FOR ADVICE FROM THOSE OF YOU WHO HAD SIMILAR SITUATIONS!
2006-11-27 09:42:36 · update #1
Here's my best guess:
They wanted to help out you and your fiance. They wanted to give him a great wedding and they probably thought they could, until the sister got engaged. Because they are obligated to pay for her wedding now, they probably can't affored to pay for both.
They are going to pay for the rehearsal dinner, I guarentee that because ettiquette says they should and they will. You need to have your fiance talk to his parents and find out the reason behind the broken promise.
Again, my best guess is that sister's wedding threw a monkey in their pocket book and they don't know how to tell you they can't afford to take on your wedding too -- your parents should be doing that afterall, and I'm guessing that's what they expect.
2006-11-27 10:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Susie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the middle of planning my own wedding, so all of the wedding 'etiquette' is fresh in my head.
Traditionally, the brides family (your parents) is responsible for the majority of wedding expenses. Your fiance's family is most likely footing the entire bill for your sister-in-law's wedding because of this long standing tradition.
These days weddings can become so expensive that often the cash the families pitch in isn't enough and the bride and groom end up paying much of the cost themselves... sounds like this is your situation. (and mine!)
If you are able to discuss the financing of the wedding with your parents, you really should. They may not be able to pay for everything... but when it comes to weddings, every little bit helps. The money discussion is the most awkward of all wedding talk, but don't be afraid!
Your fiance's family offering to pay for the rehearsal dinner is appropriate, and I think maybe some help with the honeymoon is 'traditional'. Leave this topic to your fiance to navigate with his parents...
You can get all kinds of books that discuss the traditional wedding ettique as well as giving advise on more 'modern' methods.
another good resource is www.theknot.com. it's free and has EVERYTHING wedding.
Good Luck, and Congratulations!
2006-11-27 09:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by TMG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok honey... take a deep breath and chill for a sec..
When you and your fiance got engaged his parents probably meant to help you guys out, but then his sister got engaged. All along they were probably planning on paying for her wedding whenever that day came. You just have the bad luck of getting married around the same time. His parents probably can't afford two weddings so since they had always promised to pay for the daughter's, they are. They probably should have discussed this with you in a discreet way. "Sorry, dear, but it looks like we can't afford to pay for two halls"
They are, traditionally, assumed to foot the bill for the following items:
Rehearsal dinner
bride's bouquet
Groom's attire
wedding license/certificate
officiant fees
All other expenses are traditionally picked up by the bride's family.
Time to either call your mom and dad, or figure out a way to pay for your own wedding.
I had a lovely wedding which I paid for half of myself. I had 300 guests and the total cost was $3500 (my half and my parent's half)
It can be done. I got my hall for free and my flowers at wholesale. And I had no meal or alcohol (which really costs $$$)
You just have to be willing to work.
added: my wedding was not quite 3 years ago
2006-11-27 09:33:02 · answer #3 · answered by Rainy Days and Mondays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are assuming the traditional roles as the groom's parents here. They are hosting the rehearsal dinner for their son, which is all they're really "required" to do. Their daughter is the bride, and they are the parents of the bride, and as such, play a much bigger role in her wedding than yours, as being the main hosts of the wedding. It's not a matter of who they love more, it's basically tradition. As a matter of fact, I'll bet they love both their son and daughter equally. Parents of the bride generally pay for much more of the wedding expenses than parents of the groom do.
I don't know why they told you they would pay for your reception hall, and then backed out, and I wouldn't ask them either. Ask your fiance if it bothers him (it may not) but if it does, have him talk to his parents. It may be that they agreed to pay for the reception hall before they had the added expense of paying for their daughter's wedding. Maybe they're assuming your parents are paying more than they really are.
The only way you can possibly get them to help you guys out financially with the wedding is to flat out ask them. You can't assume they know you need the money. However, they may feel they're under no obligation to help you guys out with wedding expenses. If so, you guys may have to either ask your parents for help with expenses (who--traditionally should've been asked first anyway), or cut your costs. Best of luck to you in this.
2006-11-27 09:10:32 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tradition for the family of the daughter to pay for the wedding. It could be that due to this they felt pressure to pay for the majority of things and especially if she couldn't afford much. Which could lead to some lack of funds for your wedding. Just realize their not trying to leave you guys out their trying to keep up their job and balance their kids. Make them really involved in the rehearsal dinner. Have them help you plan the wedding. That will be an incentive for them to realize how expensive everything is.
2006-11-27 09:09:33 · answer #5 · answered by espressoaddict22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's traditional. The brides family usually pays for the wedding, the grooms for the rehearsal dinner. (They used to spring for the honeymoon also.) This is starting to fade, but some still stick to it.
Don't get bitter over this though, hopefully you will have to deal with these people for the rest of your life, and starting off in a bad mood can only get worse. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
Long live Jambi
2006-11-27 09:08:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because traditionally, you're family is supposed to pay for your wedding. The bride's parents are responsible for the cost of the wedding and in fact, his family should only pay for the rehearsal dinner. Sorry sweetie, but this is how it's supposed to be.
2006-11-27 09:08:05 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably based primarily on the tradition of the parents of the bride footing the bill (or most of it). In lieu of the dowry which used to be part of "giving their daughter away," parents now pay for the wedding. Theoretically, your parents are supposed to pay since you're the bride.
Seems to me that whoever wants certain things at the wedding should be the one(s) paying for it. For example, each set of parents should pay for the per plate fee for all of the people they want to invite.
Heck - you wanna know what my in-laws gave me for a wedding present? They forgave my husband the debts he incurred from them before we had even met. Gee...thanks mom and dad.
2006-11-27 09:06:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um are you familiar with the American traditions concerning weddings at all? It is tradition for the brides parents to pay for the wedding and the grooms pay for rehersal dinner. I think I read a question posted by your finance that said he thinks it isnt fair that his parents paid for his sisters wedding but your parents arent doing anything
2006-11-27 09:06:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is traditional for the family of the bride to pay for the wedding and the family of the groom to pay for the rehearsal dinner.
Now, quit being such a selfish, self-centered b*tch and hope that your fiancee doesn't dump you because of your rudeness.
2006-11-27 09:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋