7 months pregnant: How do I get over the father of my baby?

Question

I am a 23 year old college grad, professional. I would have never thought that I would be in this position, however, if I hadn't finished school or was in a different situation I would probably have had an abortion. The problem however, is that I'm having problems getting over the father of my baby. He waited until the 7th month to tell me he couldn't do this due to the fact that he was in a relationship, and going to med school next fall. We have been close for over a year and we've tried to end things several times, but there was always something that brought us back. I really hate the fact that I'm thinking about him constantly, and I know that there isn't a day that he doesn't think about me. I know that he's extremely scared about the situation, and hasn't told anyone. Should I give up all hope that he will eventually come around? Being that I'm hormonal at times, I sometimes think about bursting the news to his family and friends. Please advise, I'm constantly thinking about this

Answer 1

My mother was in a similar position. My father left her when she was pregnant and I grew up not knowing him. It hurt me immensely (and still does) that he took no interest in knowing me, even although I am now a 37-year old successful career woman with my own child. It also hurt that I did not - and do not - know anyone in his family. And it bugged me to no end that he did NOTHING to contribute to my welfare when my mother struggled to make ends meet.

He might be scared to deal with the situation but so are you. Why does HE get to opt out of the situation? You both contributed to making that baby and you should both contribute to parenting it. This is not about the supposed love between you, and it's not about revenge either. If he doesn't love you enough to be with you, having a baby will not change that. But that should not absolve him from the responsibility of taking care of this child and acknowledging it.

Telling his friends accomplishes nothing and is purely for revenge. But I agree that his family SHOULD know. If he is not man enough to tell them, that's his damn problem. Your baby should have the benefit of TWO sets of relatives that will hopefully love and cherish him/her. I would certainly tell his parents, especially if you think they will be supportive and amenable to knowing their grandbaby. If you want to, give scaredy-cat a heads up, in a calm yet decisive manner. Let him know this is not about revenge or anger, but about doing what is best for your child. No child deserves to grow up without a father just because said father is a coward. He was man enough to make the baby, and presumably he has some intelligence since he is going to med school. He is probably worried about his future, but hey, you have a future too and many things you might have chosen to do could now be postponed. You have to be a woman, and he has to be a man. You may have to accept the fact that he is not going to want to be with you, and that is hard to take, I know. But accepting that does not mean accepting it for your child. It's like a divorce - you two may not be together but the kids are still there and they need their parents.

Tell his parents, make sure they know that you are telling them because you want them to be a part of your child's life and you expect and hope that he will be an active parent as well, and let them tell the rest of his family as they see fit. And make sure that you tell Mr. Man that you expect him to be a man and step up to the plate. You can't force him to be a good or present father but you can certainly get child support (once he is working, although I would file for it immediately just to get it on record). And I hope you will get over this sorry excuse for a man and find someone that will love you and your baby.

By the way, someone else said it is up to him to tell his parents, not you. I COMPLETELY disagree. Did you have a choice in telling your family when your belly was out to here? Why does he get to hide it? This is not just his personal business you are exposing. This is your CHILD and their relative - there is an INNOCENT PERSON involved here who is suffering the loss of relatives through no fault of his own. That trumps his right to "privacy" - you don't "hide" a kid. And the person who said your child will fill void your boyfriend left - please do not try to turn your child into your ex. He/she is a completely separate person. He should not pay for your ex's sins, nor should he be considered a "replacement" or some consolation for losing him. And finally, you cannot just THROW his name on the birth certificate. If the father is not present at the hospital to acknowledge the child's birth and nobody has anything acknowledging him as the dad, they will not put his name on the form. He can sign a form later to add his name to it, but obviously that entails his consent. Or you can get a court-ordered paternity test done, although I don't know if that will result in your being allowed to add his name to the birth certificate...

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Sex with an minor - so yes - even without the result of pregnancy in most states in the USA - unless there is an legal marriage contract (which im assuming there is not). In UK it is not like this as age of consent is 16 so an 16 year old can get prengnat by an 60 year old in theory and it still be legal (not morally right though). She is 17 having sex - she is underage in the USA in the eyes of the law - so he can be in trouble yes - without the pregnancy as sex its self is against the law, the sex is the legal issue and shes still an minor and hes an major . Guessing this is USA - if its UK your perfectly safe as there both over 16 :) .The girls parents are usually the ones to decide if they wanna throw him away however if the girl wants to go to the police yes he can be done and will be done however if there is an legal marriage done at this stage no he can not be done.

Answer 3

I know it's easier said than done. However, you should really focus on your child. Don't jeopardize the friendship, trust or relationship with your baby's father by letting his parents know. This could cause him to despise you and run from his responsibilities as a father. Talk to him about the plan (child support) and make an agreement. Let him know that the relationship between the 2 of you is over (or on pause) and that he may date other women and even bring them around you and your child. IF they are respectful. If he's as smart (in life) as he is (in school) he will agree and life can go on.

Answer 4

Don't wait about for him to come around- get on with your life. When the baby is born, call him and tell him, put his name on the birth certificate, and don't refuse him visitations. However, it is up to HIM and not you to tell his parents.

Wish I could tell you how to get over him, but I can't. Keep planning ofr baby as you were before, and soon you'll have too much on your hands with new baby and work that he'll not be entering your thoughts much.

Cry when you need to, but get out and enjoy yourself as well. Nothing like being pregnant in the winter - you stay so much warmer!

Answer 5

Time will heal your wound. Your baby will fill the void that your boyfriend left.

If he is a man, he will willingly help you raise the child and be part of his/her life. If he is not a man, you will have a challenge but the courts will help you with that and in this case, perhaps you wouldn't want a coward around your child.

Move forward with no regrets. Enjoy your pregnancy and the start of your new life with your child.

Answer 6

1) Make sure that his name is on the birth certificate.

2) Let him know that while his relationship with you is over (it really is) his relationship with your child is just beginning. he has a financial and emotional and social responsibility to his son or daughter.

3) Let him know that it is only fair to his parents that they know that they will be grandparents soon

4) Let him go. This is a time for you and your baby. Don't get into a relationship with another guy anytime soon.

Answer 7

This is just my personal opinion.....I believe that his parents have every right to know their grandchild if they desire to do so and that they should be told so that they have that option. The Father of your child should also have to pay child support. He should not be able to Father a child and act like it does not exist.
You will have to get over this man for the simple fact that he does not want to be in a relationship with you. Find someone who will love you and your child.

Answer 8

it will take time to get over him

Answer 9

Dont!