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My fiance's mother just emailed to remind me that she has special dietary needs that must be met by the wedding menu (it's a weekend wedding). Why this is rude: we share the same dietary problem- OF COURSE I will make sure there is food for us to eat. She even asked if she needed to bring a cooler! Also- the wedding is still 8 moths away. How do I handle this? I feel like sending back something equally rude but I won't hurt my fiance that way.

2006-11-27 08:48:21 · 36 answers · asked by lifestooshort 2 in Family & Relationships Weddings

36 answers

don't worry, we all feel paranoid with our m-i-l at first. Understand her : her little baby-boy is leaving her for an other woman. I lived the same, but since the wedding she's turned out to be a lovely person. Think, when we will be mother ourselves and see our sons getting married. You have to be the better person in this situation, i'm sure she'll love you as a daughter when she'll realise how happy you make her son. Good luck.

2006-11-27 12:28:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm assuming she's aware you both share the same dietary problem, but even so, she's can't be 100% sure you stay 100% faithful to your dietary restrictions during your wedding. I would just tell her the next time you guys get together that you will make sure that there's something at the wedding for her to be able to eat. Or email her back the same thing. No need to make a fuss, there will be plenty of opportunities to get upset over the next 8 months in planning for and preparing for the wedding, just remember to try to not get upset over the stuff that's non-issues. If you feel horribly uncomfortable emailing her back, tell your fiance to handle her. She is, after all, HIS mother. Best of luck to you!

2006-11-27 08:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0 0

Well, you know her better than we do, but it doesn't sound to me like she was being rude. It sounds like she was asking you, in plenty of time, to have something she would be able to eat on the menu, or to let her know and she would provide her own. I think it would have rude of her to wait until the last minute and then request special things. You should just send her a reply saying simply that there will be food available that meets her dietary requirements. And....just because you have the same problem is no reason for her to assume that you will plan the menu around that. I don't think she has done anything wrong. But, like I said before, you know her better than we do and you may know she was intentionally being rude. In which case, still send a simple note back stating that there will be food available that meets her dietary requirements. (If she is being rude, she won't know she got to you!)

2006-11-27 09:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tallulah 4 · 0 0

Possibly she didn't mean to be rude at all. It is also possible that her question is about more than just what food you plan for your wedding. This is also such a small issue; not worth being upset about. A reply along the lines of "Of course, we want to be sure all of our guests have a great time and lovely things to eat at our wedding" and then a reminder "And you know, you and I both have to be aware of our peanut allergy, so we've planned the menu with that in mind," should do it. Weddings are a pretty emotional time -- people tend to act up, and that includes the adults. Good luck keeping your cool!

2006-11-27 09:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by jjredmaple 2 · 1 0

That's not rude at all

yes - you have the same condition

Why should that mean she would just assume you would remember that she had special needs as well? She is probalby used to asking that fro any event she is attending - and she probably assumed she was during you a favor but giving you lots of notice in case you had forgotten.

You are being a little oversensitive on this one and in truth a little nasty. Why, even if she did do it to be rude, wouldyou send a rude response in retaliation? Not only is that extremel childish - but also very disrespectful!

In the end, I think you have misjudged her - but if not, do yourself a favor, act like an adult, send her a kind reply and LET IT GO!

2006-11-27 11:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0 0

If you and your fiance go through with the wedding, this woman is going to be a part of your life for as long as you are married. Why do you assume rudeness on her part? She may be anxiety-prone, she may be making a ham-handed attempt to discuss something the two of you have in common, she may be an inoffensive ding-bat, she may be bored and just prone to send silly e Mails.

If you have to send her a reply, send her some variation on a theme of "relax, I'm on it, no problem," and invite her to approach you on some other subject if you feel comfortable with that. And then step back and re-examine the way you feel about this woman and other family members. In-law problems are HUGE and are one of the major reasons some marriages fail. If you're feeling like starting an eMail fight over something this trivial, what are you going to do over real issues? If you can't deal with the future MIL civilly over something this unimportant, what does it say about how you and future MIL are going to interact on other issues?

You need to define your dealbreaker in-law issues NOW. Is your relationship with your future husband's family something that you can live with in the future? If not, you need to speak up and address the problem now. Marrying your problems is never a good idea.

2006-11-27 09:05:06 · answer #6 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0 0

She might be just really excited about upcoming vows between you and her son. And may not have been trying to be rude at all, but just reminding you of her needs. Do not allow this to spoil a hopefully healthy relationship that you will have with this lady. Remember your not only marrying her son but his family also and it's always nice when you get along with all involved or can create problems down the line. And as you know you only need inform the people that are preparing the meal of this concern and it will be accommodated. Relax, prepare for you wedding and learn to live with your new mother in law in your life. Best of luck, we marry in 7 days short of 6 months and it is very exciting.

2006-11-27 08:54:20 · answer #7 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0 0

Just thank her for the reminder, and let her know that the menu is being planed. Kindly remind her that you and her are both on the same diet, and that her needs will be met! Don't look to much into it. Let her know that when time gets closer to the big day, you'll show or remind her that you have taken her needs into consideration adn that should be that. Dont get rude back!! Remember, this is the family you'll be spending the rest of your life with!

2006-11-27 13:23:44 · answer #8 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0 0

It wasn't rude, she's probably uptight about the whole thing, and knows you have a million and one things to think about, so she felt she had to remind you. Also, if you and your fiancé are organising everything, it's possible she feels a bit left out of it all and this was her way of touching base. Maybe she even forgot you have the same problem! Why not email her back, say you hadn't forgotten, and give her an update of where you're at with the arrangements; maybe ask her opinion about something inconsequential. It will make her feel valued and involved.

2006-11-27 10:07:27 · answer #9 · answered by pompeii 4 · 0 0

Well, in the first place, she probaly is used to having to ask about her dietary needs at every thing she goes to. She prolly just forgot that you too have the same problem. This was prolly not meant to be rude. Many people with special needs need to work out stuff ahead of time. Take it with a grain of salt, she prolly didn't mean to be rude. Forgive and forget :)

2006-11-27 11:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by Jamie J 3 · 0 0

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