My children's biological mother has a terrible drinking and other personal problems which it seems cause her to avoid being a mother to her two children. Though she is supposed to have them Mon. Wed. and Fri. nights. she usually only has them one, at most two nights a week and makes up a very unbelievable excuse (i.e. a 7:30 p.m. MRI on Friday night? we live in a small town and all dr. offices last appts. are at 4:30). This has gone on for almost two years now and the children are growing up and realizing that I'm not supposed to be picking them up on certain days. They've burst into tears and asked me "why isn't my mother picking me up?" "why doesn't mommy want me?" (asked by the 4 yr old) or "what excuse did my mother make up?" (asked by the 9 year old because she believes what her mother says about as much as we do though we don't tell her that). What do I tell them? They aren't accepting, "I don't know she just can't today."
2006-11-27 08:31:49 · 11 answers · asked by christibearb 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is a very difficult and sad sittuation. How lucky are these two babes to have someone as wonderful as you in their lives. You obviouls have realized how much enfluence you can have on them and I salute you for not telling them how much their mother is screwing up. I think you should let them know that she must be very confused right now. Never let them believe that she dose not love them simply tell that that while they are loved by their father, you, and their mom, she is confused about how to show it and also what is should be most important in a person's life, family! Explain that sometimes adults don't make the right decisions . (Childern want to believe that parents know everything). Most of all let them know that it's alright to be upset and disappointed, and that you will be there for them no matter what!!
2006-11-27 08:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by Rae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to put it simply and as honestly as possible. Explain that their Mother is going through a rough time right now. Let them know she loves them, even though she might not being showing it in the best way and that you are always there for them any time they need you until their Mother is better. Maybe try to get some family involved, let the kids know they are loved and have someone reach out to their Mother and get her some help. Such a sad situation. . Good luck, I wish you all the best!
2006-11-27 08:37:56 · answer #2 · answered by Serendipity#2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Into the oven? Is that why you've a three% best answer price? go away your youngster on my own. He were given a lady pregnant. do not help him now. he's on his personal. that is punishment sufficient. He has no idea what existence is about to throw at him.
2016-10-07 21:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by grego 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be honet with them without being hurtful. For example: When the 9 year old asks you why isn't mom picking us today tell him/her that mommy has some problems right now that she needs to deal with and it's hard for her to take care of you and your brother/sister while she's fixing them. You have to talk to them on their level. But don't play stupid because they pick up on that. Kids do have such innocent minds but they are very perceptive. If you continue to lie to them they'll come to resent you.
2006-11-27 08:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by goodhrtdgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just that their mommy isn't well enough to take care of them...its hard...but try not to make the bio mother look too bad. She may come around one day and smarten up. If you can save the relationship then you are the hero in everyone's eyes.
2006-11-27 11:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should explain that adults are complicated and have issues that children do not understand until they themselves are adults. I also believe you should explain to them that they should ask their mom directly because you do not want to speak for her. It is not your place to explain what she does or why she does it. To say anything is to overstep your boundary. If anything does need to be said, it should be by the biological parents. I am also a stepmom and this has worked well for our family. Basically think of how you would want a new mom to your own children to talk to your kids about you.
2006-11-27 08:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by kaya3574 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to be honest with them. They are smart and can notice if their mom is lying and making excuses. Carefully tell them the truth. If you stick up for their mom, they will lose confidence in you.
It is wonderful of you to take care of the kids. Keep doing what you're doing. Let them talk to you about their problems. They'll love you for caring about them!
best of wishes
2006-11-27 08:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by ♥honey♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think they should go see a psichology because is not good for them to feel that way the pshichology will find a better way to explain them and to tell them in a way they wont be harm by it because the actrion of the mother theres no perfect way but i think a person who has studied about this can certanly do it the best way talk to the doctor maybe she can point you to a good psychology who will help my best wishes for you and your kids
2006-11-27 08:44:16 · answer #8 · answered by user 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes parents go through a hard time, just like kids do. Your mother is going through a hard time right now and has to take care of some things. Unfortunately, this means she doesn't get to spend as much time with you guys. Right now, she's doing the best she can. We just have to be supportive and let her take care of the things she has to right now.
2006-11-27 08:36:32 · answer #9 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why are they still even getting vistation?!!!
you tell them there mother is sick and unable to care for them properly that she is so sick that she doesnt realize she is hurting them... see about stopping visitation it would be in their best interest .... i know this seemed probably to be a healthy good idea at the time but it is now having a negative affect on them
2006-11-27 08:40:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋