Do siblings ever get along?

Question

HELP!!!! My daughters ages 12 and 6 fight and scream at each other all day everyday. It's never ending. Right now they are in the living room fighting over popcorn. I give up. It has gotten to the point that we can't take them any where. The 12 yr old is loud and bossy and the 6 yr old is whinny and sneaky and a tattle tale. Does anyone have any suggestions. I am going to lose my mind. We have done groundings and timeouts etc...

Answer 1

If they fight over something, take it away. Walk in there right now and take the popcorn away. Tell them because they were fighting, they can't have popcorn for the rest of the month.

Do the same thing with whatever they fight over later on. The tv, toys, clothes, etc.

When your 12 yr. old is bossy, tell her "Excuse me, I'm the parent here. YOU don't boss her, I do." When your 6 yr. old whines, ignore whatever she is saying. If she asks for something in a whiney voice, don't give it to her until she can ask in a regular voice. If she tattles, just say "Well I didn't see it so I'm not going to take your word for it.."

You have to be persistant with these things though, or they won't work. Good luck and God bless :-)

Answer 2

Well, I don't know if this will be good news or bad news, but anyway....your children are behaving normally. They will probably fight from now on until the older one is old enough to be going out with friends and isn't at the house so much. I thought my nephews would kill each other before they made it to their teenage years. When they got older... high school age....they were best friends and still are, but boy, those preteen years were awful.

One thing to do is just to make sure they both have their own space so they can get away from each other when they need to. And, your older one is almost a teenager and in the next year or so she will go in her room and you will not see her again until she graduates, so that should cut down on the fighting some.

Hang in there !!!! This too shall pass. : )

Answer 3

It's normal. Once your older daughter gets to about 15 or 16, she'll become a little more mature and not fight back with the younger one.

Once they get older, they'll get along and look back at these times and laugh. That's what my sis and I do.

As for now with the fighting, tell the 6 year old that no one likes a tattle tale and tell the 12 year old you expect more from her...she's at the age where she can be talked to like an adult and expected to act kind of like one.

Answer 4

Yes. I get along with my sisters nicely. Sure there are always arguments but you can get them to get along. Try a few of these ideas. They are what my parents did with me growing up.

1. Instead of taking things away and putting them in "Time out" or "Grounding" them, reach a solution to the problem. With the fighting over the popcorn is about who gets to hold the bucket, separate the popcorn into two separate dishes and give them both popcorn. If it's an issue of, "They're eating to much of 'my' popcorn" simply give them both popcorn.

2. You might get mad at this but I need to say it. If you raise your children with Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy, stop it. You're 12 year old, now probably knowing the farce of Santa and the tooth fairy, feels a sense of superiority over the 6 year old because she knows Santa doesn't exist and every time she sees her little sister she thinks, 'hey, I know something that you don't, na na na na naa na.'

3.Don't set rules like bed times and the like. People eventually fall asleep anyway, sending them to bed when they aren't tired just makes them mad. Then they wake up in the morning mad that they didn't get to do whatever they wanted to do the night before. When you first drop the bedtime, they will stay up until 4 in the morning a couple of days. But they will eventually realize that there bodies need sleep and will just go to bed. Or they will fall asleep on the couch.

(if your kids have any other arguments about something stupid, just email me describing the situation and I'll be sure to send you a description on how to handle it.)

Answer 5

BRAVO Em'sAvama !!! Your advise is sound and logical.

I don't know what your definition of "grounding" is... when I was young it meant you were confined to your ROOM... we had no TVs or Radios in bedrooms. You could read and contemplate your errors. And a "grounding" was 3 to 30 days.

To your MAIN question... yes, we eventually get along... my younger brother (2 yrs younger) and I were little fighters until he turned about 14...

Right now I'm up house-sitting his ranch after Turkey Day while he and his wife do a much deserved vacation. And I'm house-sitting for free (well, beer and groceries) even though I am taking a week away from MY job.

Just a SHAME that you can no longer apply a hand, hairbrush, or belt to childrens BUTTS when appropriate and when young... TRAINING them...

Answer 6

My 19 yr old and 9 yr old do the same thing... I have often though of locking them in a room and feeding whichever comes out alive... The 19 yr old has experience and knowledge on her side while the 9 yr old is fast and wiley... Not sure who I would bet on to survive....

If the fights were over something nontrivial I could probably understand more instead it's over things like "She breathed too loudly in my general direction.... Make her stop breathing"..

I have found that stepping out of it and making them settle it works best... If either comes to me I send them back into the ring to work it out... Since I stopped playing referee the fighting has lessened... They are both capable of working it out amicably if I stay out of it as much as possible... When they can't seem to work it out in a timely manner I send then to thier seperate rooms (corners) for a short break between rounds..

I faught with my sister growing up, the fighting finally stopped when my sister got married and moved out.. We now laugh about the times we would lay in our beds seperated by a wall continuing the sniping through the wall outlet after being sent to our rooms...

Answer 7

I bought a fantastic book about sibling rivalry, and was amazed at what can set kids off. The book talked about kids needing to feel special, needing individual attention, not needing to be categorized at home, at school or even by their other siblings.

I would say that if they are shouting at each other it's got nothing to do with the popcorn but about an underlying issue they have, it may not even be with eachother, but with school, feeling sad or even getting bad grades.

Another tip is not to get involved with solving their squabbles. I say to my kids something like, ' I can see that you're cross because there is only 1 train and you both want to play with it. I think you are both clever enough to come up with a solution to the problem. Why not come and tell me when you decide what to do.' Then I walk off and leave them to it, I'm not put in the position of deciding, or favouritising one of them, and I show that I believe in their abiity to deal with the situation.

Oftentimes, they just need me to recognise that there is a problem, and that calms them down.

I would strongly suggest you buy a book on sibling rivalry, it helped me no end.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, this is something you're probably just going to have to get through. The 12 year old is probably pubescent and her moods will be all over the place for the next few years. There's also a significant age difference between the two girls and is probably contributing as well. Just do the best you can.

Answer 9

Siblings do get a long sometimes. Make sure that your actions are firm and consequent. One warning, then action. If you give them one hour in the room, make sure they stay there for the full hour. Raise it by 30 min. each time they do it again.

Don't shout or lose your mind. Make sure your husband and you apply the same rules. Don't make a fuss about small things either. Go for the major things, then be swift.

Answer 10

I have discovered that the main cause of sibling rivalry is having more than one child. Sorry, couldn't resist...my 2 (girl 2 yrs older than boy) were inseparable when they were little, would have cheerfully killed each other as teenagers, and now that they are both grown things are getting better.