My Boyfriend Went To A Strip Club Last Night And I'm Not Happy... Should I Tell Him?

Question

I think he feels guilty
I don't want him to think I am overbearing or don't want him to go out and have fun... I want him to make his own decisions.

On the same hand, though, I feel he has disrespected me in a way. Sure, it's not technically cheating, but I have a problem with him seeing naked women dance in front of him.

The worst part is he "asked" me f it was alrght before he went yesterday morning. I said, "do whatever you want to, I can't tell you what to do". That's totally true, but I didn't think he would really do it. Just because he does whatever he wants dosen't mean it wont hurt me.

I just can't imagine the man I love more than anyone in the world with fake **** wiggeling in his face. He is so much better than that.

We have been together over a year and this is the first time. I love him with all my heart and soul and, for me, he is the only man in the world. I only have eyes for him.
I really don't want it to happen again. Should I say anything

Answer 1

You should have told him from the start that it didn't make you happy. Now you have no right to *****...especially because he asked ahead of time.

And don't be such a prude. There's nothing to worry about strip clubs. Most don't even let guys touch the girls with their hands.

Answer 2

Well, Since you told him you were ok with it, you really cant be mad that he went..u cant really expect much more from a strip club then a bunch of sleezy skeezers dancing on your man. HOWEVER, you can LET that part go and tell him that you letting him go was just a 1 time thing for his 18th birthday. You dont feel comftorble with him there all together and it would mean alot if he didnt go..even if he has coupons. ((Btw i dont think strip clubs give coupons for lap dances..just drinks in which that case he could jus get the special at a regular bar)) If you ask him to not go and tell him u dont feel comftorble and he goes anyways then maybe being with him is something you should reconsider especially after 1 yr he doesnt respect you enough to go behind your back.

Answer 3

Yes you should tell him because communication is key. However, lets go back to the beginning. You clearly stated that he asked you first on whether or not it would be alright to go to the strip club. Second, you gave him a positive answer so in his eyes he feels that its alright. If you had told him how you felt along with telling him yes, then he might have thought twice about going. However, since you did not explain your feelings to him and told him to do what he wants, he did just that. As far as your bf feeling guilty about the situation i can see him feeling guilty but i can also see him not feeling guilty because he asked you first. You wont know until you ask him about that. Now, since you didn't tell him how you felt about the situation then, you have to tell him now otherwise he may do it again thinking that it is OK. He has to know that you are not comfortable seeing him watch naked women and have themselves all over him.If it sounds like im being harsh im only speaking the truth. I would have said the same thing to him if he was in your shoes. Once you two talk it out, things should work out positively.

Answer 4

Tell him. Honesty is the best policy. Let him know that you thought you would be able to take it but you can't. What ever happens do not make it a fight!!!!! That is the worst thing that a girl can do when talking to a guy. Disrespect him and you will not get the respect that you are asking for. He might get a little flack from his friends when he tells them he can no longer go, but he will be happy that you are there for him. He has to feel proud that he has someone at home when his buds go to the strip club and he doesn't, don't make him feel ashamed because he can't. It has nothing to do with what you look like either, if you think that you are not perfect.

TIP: Take some classes and do it for him yourself. I was so excited when my wife went to a class.

Answer 5

see..thats the eternal problem between women and men!
like, when the man finally asks u what u wanna do..u confuse him and u dont say the truth..infact u say the opposite and u expect him to read between the lines and unlock ur weird feminine code.. but the truth is he has no idea in the world what u mean.. and he wasnt built or made with scensors that can tell him what u mean when ur not telling him what u mean literally.

u cant blame him for not having a crystal ball and reading ur mind , after all u gave him the green light .. inspite of the way u felt inside, which i totally understand ..i would feel awful if my bf did that myself but i surely wont say something then get upset about it..

what u do now is:
learn from this situation and take it as a lesson to not say what u dont mean and expect ur man to do what u want..if u dont say it he wont do it coz he really just understands what u say not the body language and the read between the lines stuff... thats not the way most men work.

having given him the ok to do whatever he wants, even if it meant sleeping with other girls, then baby ull look silly and stupid and confusing if u get upset now..

try to forget the situation and be more clear about what u accept and dont accept and what u expect and dont expect from him..

it wont be the most fun conversation but it could clear alot of things..

oh and next time, puhhhhlease just say what u mean..no mind games! be direct!

Answer 6

You should definitely tell him how you feel. Trying to keep it in will only cause problems later, because you will be upset about it and have this in the back of your mind, then you may blow up over something really little when in reality, you are still upset about something he has no idea about. Have you ever thought of going with him? I know it isn't something you like but if he does and it excites him, maybe you can go with him and it would spice things up a bit. Relationships are about give and take, and if you don't want him going with the fellas, maybe you should go with him. Just a thought...good luck! But you should definitely let him know how it makes you feel and maybe next time instead of telling him to do what he wants, you might take the opportunity to say " I would prefer that you didn't, it makes me uncomfortable and it would upset me, but you are a grown man and I trust you to make the right choice...if he respects you, he will understand and figure out something else to do with the fellas, and if he goes anyway, then, you all need to have a serious conversation. just a thought.

Answer 7

You cant give him permision and then go back on it. The only thing you can do is sit down and tell him that the whole thing made you uncomfortable. There is a difference. You need to make it a positive aspect saying, " I let you do this cause I trust you but in the future I would apreciate that you not go to those types of places" or some crap like that. Making yourself seem cool instead of threatened. I think any guy can respect that.

The other thing is that he is male and because of that he is going to look at porn and find ways to do so, so it is better that he does it with your permission rather then thinking he is doing it behind your back. That is were alot of problems arise.

Answer 8

Well the time to object was when he asked you if it was alright. That was your chance to say "honey I really would like it if you didn't go see the dirty hookers okay?" But instead you basically gave him the ok. If you love him and trust him, you shouldn't nag him about how he chooses to spend his free time. My bf used to go from time to time. A few times he even asked if I wanted to come along. Our sex life was good and I trusted him to do the right thing. Eventually he got bored with it and that was that. I didn't want him missing out on anything so I got a few stripper outfits and gave him a private dance myself. He enjoyed that more because not only did he get his money's worth, it was enjoyable for the both of us. Just remember, you have to let a man be a man. As long as he doesn't give you any reason to think there's anything going on, just let it alone. But the next time he asks if it's okay, be honest with him and let him know. Communication, it's the only way to keep things good between you. Good luck.

Answer 9

1) I'm sorry but you were really dumb not speaking your mind and leaving it up to him.. You can't say much about it now; it's history.. On the other hand, if you said you would not be o.k. with it and he did it anyway, then you would have some basis for disappointment.
2) At this point, the most you can say is that you didn't know how much it would bother you and you should have said so then.. soooo, for future reference "b/f" please do not do it again.
3) as for better than that???? cmon honey, he's a guy. We don't really care if they're real or not.. they all look the same to us.
4) As a generally rule: we are all human ya know... don't play that if you this or that then you should this or that... It's not fair to either party, and it's a losing battle no matter how you look at it. PLEASE SPEAK UP AND SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND.. that way there is no room for doubt.. Trust me, you will avoid a lot of misunderstandings and negative feelings that are not founded on truth but rather what ifs.

Answer 10

What you have is a failure to communicate. Communication is when you take the thoughts that are in your mind and form them in the mind of the person you are trying to communicate with. You failed to form the thoughts you had in your mind in his mind. It's okay, the fact he asked this time means he's likely to ask next time also. He doesn't sound so dense as to think that a one time okay is a permanant okay. Next time, be honest. Tell him you won't stop him, but you'd rather he didn't. Really, it's easier than it sounds.

By the way, you could have stopped him. If he asked for permission, that means you have the ability to say "no." Now, if he hadn't asked for permission, and had just said, "Hey, I'm going tomorrow," then maybe you could have said, "I can't stop him." But that's not what happened. The only one you can really blame for your broken heart is you. He gave you every opertunity to stop him if it was going to bother you. You failed. Sucks to be you. Grow up. Get over it. Next time, be honest. We all make mistakes, that's human. Being wise means learning from your mistakes and the mistakes of others.

Answer 11

Really there is nothing to be upset over. If you truly do not feel comfortable with it, talk to him. You may even want to go with him one time just so that you don't feel threatened by it. There are tons of rules at the clubs (ie: you cannot touch the strippers; real names are not used; no fraternizing with clients; ecetera)

I've been to strip clubs and the best part about the one I went to was dollar beers! Lol.. Yes the girls were walking around half nude, but it also depends on the type of club he went to. There are full nude, part nude, no nude... also there are upscale places and really dingy dive places. I'd suggest going with him or telling him how uncomfortable it makes you.