This christmas, the partner (no relation) of my mother assumes that he can bring along to my house at our family Christmas, his sister and his sisters son who we only met once and do not even know?
I have been planning this Christmas for a long time as my own family is flying in from abroad and I want the affair to be "family."
My mother won't challenge her partner about him assuming he can bring his family members along and as usual it is down to me to just swallow it and put up with it.
A few months back at a family gathering at my house, my mothers partner bought along (without even telling me) a neighbor who he felt "sorry" for and I had to feed them.
If I say anything it will cause a family nightmare.
Help!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-27 08:06:04 · 16 answers · asked by mont_noirca 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Your in a tough spot and I don't agree with unwanted guest. BUT it is the holidays and you don't want to seem like a complete jerk by saying they can't come. At least this time it is family his sister right? So holidays are about family and sharing so your going to have to accept her 'partner' as part of your family. If you keep pushing him away he may make your mother start spending the holidays away from you...since his family is excluded. Do you see my point?
So to keep the peace just suck it up and set out two extra places and try to keep the holiday spirit in your heart even though you want to strangle him!!
2006-11-27 08:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by MaryJaneD 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is completely rude and inconsiderate of your mother's partner to assume that he may bring guests to your gathering, especially without asking. I completely understand your predicament.
Talk to your mother, or even better, to her partner directly, and say that you would love for his sister and nephew to attend, but that this particular event you would only like to have very close family members. You could even say that it is a money issue and you can't afford to have extra guests.
And if he completely disregards your wishes and brings his sister, then above all, like Elise K, said, you must be gracious. Yes, it isn't polite if they show up, but you must make due. Good luck!
2006-11-27 09:12:41 · answer #2 · answered by Stina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to your mothers partner alone and explain that it's important to you to have family at your home this Christmas meaning no extra people. Explain that you have to stick to a budget to feed and entertain family and added guests would not allow you to do this. Explain that it would offend other members of the family who might have wanted to invite others. In order to make things special for everyone you need to stick to your budget which does not have room for extra people who are not family. Hope that helps.
2006-11-27 08:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by Renee D 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the hangers-on have already been invited, it is too late to make a graceful change. In the future, I would send out a specific written invite listing the names of the people you are inviting. Asking for an RSVP. The trouble with louts is that they don't follow the rules, because they don't know what they are.
You might have to grin and bear it. Don't let someone elses bad behavior drag you down to their level.
2006-11-27 08:13:50 · answer #4 · answered by united9198 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree that he should ask and not assume it's ok to bring guests, very presumptuous of him.
Go ahead and cause the family nightmare...it will be better than choking down resentment. If mom and partner chooses to go somewhere else for the holidays, so be it. You need to put your foot down now, because he will continue to do these types of things.
2006-11-27 08:36:43 · answer #5 · answered by spa-girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's your goal?
If it's no unwanted guests then call him and set the family-only boundary and if your mother celebrates elsewhere then you are okay with that.
If you don't want surprises then call him and explain that it's important to you to set the guest list by x date.
If you want right of refusal then call him and explain your criteria to oversee the guest list or ask him to help you understand how he sees inviting additional people to someone elses house. Then you'll either explain to him that doesn't meet your needs or you'll decide some of it is okay.
Good luck and happy holidays!
2006-11-27 08:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by Delaine A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide to do, be gracious about it.
If your family is flying, I assume they will be there for a least a couple days. You should have plenty of time with them. Perhaps you can gently suggest to your mother's parter that his family arrive in time for Christmas dinner and share that part with you and have the rest of the day "to themselves".
2006-11-27 08:10:29 · answer #7 · answered by Elise K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you have a small gathering that the partners family is invited to before the main event and then have the main event without them?
2006-11-27 09:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As rude as it is for him to assume its ok to bring others, your gonna have to swallow it all if you want your mother with you. Thing is, he is going to your house to be with your mother and her family, but he also wants his family with him as well.
It is you home. Trust me, if anyone is gonna feel uncomfortable, its gonna be his sister and her son, not you.
2006-11-27 08:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to show love to folks you love. The real test is loving those you don't like (or sometimes even don't know).
Be a gracious host, and bless someone else....
remember the "reason for the season"
2006-11-27 08:17:31 · answer #10 · answered by pops 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋