The girl has issues and congratulations to you for wanting to stay connected with her. It appears you have a somewhat decent relationship with your Ex. Talk to her about it. How long have you been divorced? My husband's divorce was really nasty, but after 20 years you kind of get over it. My step-son did too. If you and your ex can be civil, then she should be civil. You didn't divorce her; you divorced her mother. How long has the ex been married? You have a right to be at the wedding, but if she doesn't want you there, you have a right to know why not. If you truly care, you'll go to her house and ask.
If you've not been in contact with her for a while, and now are suddenly interested, then you can expect coldness. However if you've always been involved in her life, then you have a right to know why you cannot attend the happiest day in her life. Maybe because Step-dad is paying she feels guilty. Divorce sucks on so many levels that maybe the adults (you, your ex and her husband) need to sit down, have a discussion and then talk to her together. Good luck. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, but if your intentions are truly good and have always been that way, then communication is the only way to figure out what's going on.
2006-11-27 08:03:02
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answer #1
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answered by Allison S 3
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One of two things:
Your relationship with your daughter is not as close as you thought because even though the parents may be divorced, if the dad and daughter stay in touch the daughter will want her daddy to give her away.
Or... you have the world's most selfish little girl.
I tend to lean towards the first. I've seen alot of dads who think everything is cool, but really have no idea that they are not actually having a relationship. Signing over checks to cheerleading is not the same as being a dad.
I'm not saying that's 100% your situation, but think of what kind of relationship you've had with her.
Just from your post it sounds like this wedding thing was a surprise. Seems to me, that if you had been a large presence in her life you'd see this coming cause you would have known she was dating someone seriously.
What can you do? Well, it will do no good to get mad at her or call her out for not inviting you - no matter how selfish she may have been for not doing so. The only thing you can do is repair your relationship with her so you will be there when your grandchildren are born. And you just might get a decent father-daughter relationship out of the deal :)
2006-11-27 09:53:49
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answer #2
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answered by Rainy Days and Mondays 3
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Theres nothing to tell her. Coming from a daughters perspective, and recently married myself, I can understand her not wanting to invite one parent over the other because of tensions that might arrise during the festivities. The best thing to do, is to stop...and think. Was there anything you did in the past, other than getting a divorce that would ruin your relationship with your daughter? If you can't think of anything then try to schedual a visit, and if that doesn't work...pop by her house. She can't turn you away then. Ask her politely why you weren't invited, and remember, though it was a big bummer to miss out on your little girls wedding and you wont have the memory of walking her down the isle...it was her day and her way. Try to be understanding, and when she talks to you don't try to justify your actions or make excuses, you don't owe those to her. If you walk into this just seeking an answer and not trying to explain yourself then you might be able to get to the problem and go from there. I wish you the best of luck in this.
2006-11-27 08:03:52
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answer #3
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answered by Mrs. Compton 1
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I can't even understand how painful this must be, because I haven't been in a situation like this. But here is humble advice of a son. Of course you feel like you are losing your daughter, and in a sense, you are, because she is grown, and wants to build her own life - that's what every person does eventually. However painful that could be, you need to let her go, but be open for the time when she needs you. And I am sure, this time will come. Before then, make sure, you forgive her for anything she might have done and be ready to help her when she comes to you whether it is for help, to restore your relationship, or to introduce you to your grandchildren. There is a story in one old great bestseller about a father who let his son go, and sure enough his son came right back, when he realized just how much he needs his father. So an answer to your question "what do you tell?" would be - just tell her "I love you and I want what's best for you". P.S. I hope my answer is not too painful.
2016-05-23 14:11:10
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Obviously your daughter has some issues with you, and I think she will come around in time (I have been in her situation). Until then, it will do no good to tell her off for not having you at her wedding. It may have been too stressful for her to even *consider* having you there if her mother was there.
If I were you, I would just send her a gift with a note saying that you're sorry that you weren't able to attend the wedding and that you will always love her and wish her the best, then let that sit for a while...
Gift-wise, just search various websites for her registry (some to try: target. com, crateandbarrel.com, williamssonoma.com - you get the idea). If you send her a gift through one of these sites, she's less likely to return it unopened (I don't know if she would do that, but, just in case). Good luck!
2006-11-27 08:08:39
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answer #5
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answered by JX 2
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that is sad, but what ever caused the divorce, caused her pain also. You should have made contact and went to consoling with her.
that is in the past. write her a note and explain that now she is also married, she must know how much work it take to keep a marriage working and talk about the problems with your divorce.
Tell her you will always be there for her, if she would like to talk and become acquainted again.
Send he a gift, something she will see and use everyday, so that it will remind her of you.
Keep the lines of communication open on your side, call or send a card.
2006-11-27 12:11:32
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answer #6
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answered by Wicked 7
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wow so not cool of her. I would think she would want her dad to be there, if you are on good speaking terms with your ex maybe you could talk to her and ask her why your daughter hasn't invited you. i know its not right to get your invitation through her mom but you could have her ask your daughter to contact your or at least say why she doesn't want you there. or maybe she's afriad that there will be a conflict and because she's bonded more with her mom may feel that having you there would upset her. keep trying to get in touch with her. if she still refuses to return calls then just send her a card wish her and her new husband the best of luck.
2006-11-27 08:10:33
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answer #7
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answered by shellie11985 2
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I'm sorry to hear that, your daughter however might have felt pressure from your ex wife or she just did not think of you in her planning . either way it stinks and as for not being invited I guess your gonna have to someway get over it because it's over but maybe one day in the future she will tell you why she did not invite you to her wedding. I think her Mom has a lot to do with it. I know it hurts seeing that you are a good dad to her. what happened BTW you and her mom has nothing to do with her good luck.
2006-11-27 08:02:03
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answer #8
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answered by sexyswells42 4
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my fiance's parents got divorced when he was young, and he often harbours ill feeling towards his father, who left to move across country. i have to say, paying for things for your daughter does not make you a good parent. from what you've said, you weren't really there for her physically or emotionally until she told you she was getting married. and about her not visiting, you are her parent, it is your responsibilty, not hers to see her. make an effort!! it will make her feel like you love her and think she's worht your time. i don't want to sound mean, but much of what happens when people get divorced and move away is that one of the parents doesn't see the children, and then wonders why they aren't involved (my fiance's dad sees him once a year, at christmas, sometimes even in the summer. it's been like that for several years)
now, aside from the fact that she might feel sloightly neglected, it does not mean that your daughter shouldn't have included you in her wedding. if she told you about it, she should have invited you. it was rude of her to tell you, and then not invite you. especially since you are her parent. try talking to her about her feelings and what she thinks about the divorce. it may seem too late tonow, but the sooner you try, the sooner you can go about trying to get involved and make up for lost time! she may feel more inclined to include in other things, such as grandchildren's birhts, etc.
good luck!!
2006-11-27 10:27:39
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answer #9
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answered by Duelen 4
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must be really hard for you especially not knowing why and what you did wrong. however schedule a time and go talk to her, she may tell you why even if not now some day. best of luck.
2006-12-01 07:59:10
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answer #10
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answered by babystel 1
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