I've noticed a few "tendencies" about my new boyfriend so I asked him straight-out if he was gay (no use wasting my time and getting hurt by finding out later) so after some questioning he admitted to me that, while he says he's not gay, he "experimented" by letting another guy go down on him. He says at first it felt good but he couldn't retain his erection when he opened his eyes and saw another man instead of a woman. He also confided in me that his older brother did things to him when he was younger but he wasn't penetrated. I'm just wondering if he may be more "gay" than he wants to admit. I mean, I've been with women, and I've told him about that, and I don't consider myself lesbian. But it's different with women. I just want to know if he may be gay or just have gay tendencies, he's a little "sensitive" but he's not feminine. He's a big, strong, hard-working man. But I've seen all types who were on the Down Low. I'll be with him regardless, just want to know.
2006-11-27 07:51:02 · 11 answers · asked by Nikki B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's no more gay than you are. He's experimented & so have you. There is no difference in that aspect between men & women.
2006-11-27 07:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey Gurl... I'm really glad you're both looking past each others sexual history & trying to make it work. But I do have to warn you though... By openly admitting you were w/ women, I sense that you have a security about your sexuality that your man is lacking. As proud as you are about him admitting to his gay sexual encounter, you should be equally worried about the fact that he mentioned not being able to maintain the erection because he opened his eyes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... You know, his eyes were open 10 minutes before the BJ when he was getting arroused enough to stick his thingy in you know where. My point is that, based on personal experience w/ previous b/f's, guys who experience some sort of sexual trauma as children take just a little bit longer to figure out that they do have some if not total attraction to the same sex. The fact that he tries to play it off as "...and then I opened my eyes and then..." is a little suspicious to me. I'm sure he's a really great guy and I'm not saying it can't work... what I am saying is that you should definitely try to talk w/ him & help him cope without pressuring him. It is, after all, your heart... Good Luck
2016-05-23 14:10:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it different for a guy than a gal when it comes to experimenting with the same gender in a sexual sense. It is sex and it is experimenting so why do you have this double standard. Or maybe you believe a woman should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen while the man is the bread winner - which of course is one definitely biased double standard from the not so good old days.
Relax, he played aroudn and so did you but if you are together and want to be together, then make the relationship one really terrific happening so neithe rof you ever need to look back. And keep it alive, invigoratign and exciting right through your youth, adulthood, mid-life crises and all.
2006-11-28 03:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm happy to tell you, he most likely is not gay.
Being a gay person myself, I know what he sounds like....
an average... typical... straight guy who was curious once, and didn't like it. Also, that part about his brother... if he wasn't the one who instigated it, then that doesn't mean anything, and also, depending on how young he was, it could be completely normal.
A "sensitive" man is not always gay, thank God...
trust me when I say this, it's highly improbably that he is a gay person, however, ultimately you said it wouldn't matter, right?
Just remember to practice safe sex, if or when you get to that point in your relationship with him.
2006-11-29 19:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by Zack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is most likely not gay. In fact, it sounds like he may have a history of sexual abuse by his brother. If it was abuse, this sort of experimentation is common as it can be difficult to accept that somebody who you are suppose to trust and love took advantage. He must really trust you and be attracted to you to disclose this kind of information, so I would believe him when he says he's not gay.
Also, it can be dangerous to use labels like "gay". While you may believe you know what "gay" behaviors are, there will always be exceptions to these "rules".
For example, a large portion of the "actors" in gay pornography are actually straight and only engage in the productions because they can make over $1000 per scene.
2006-11-27 07:58:24 · answer #5 · answered by Ph_D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What exactly has he done to make you so suspicious?
If you'll be with him regardless then it doesn't really matter does it? It sounds like he's had same sex "issues" in the past. I say leave them in the past. he knows you've been with women so I'm sure he'd talk to you if he was comfortable with it himself.
But I'm curious about something. You admit to being with women but you say it's "different" somehow. There is no difference. It sounds like you're both "bisexual" but you just lean towards being str8.
Don't let it become an issue.
2006-11-29 03:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by mrspunkmeister2u 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well,it looks to me like he just enjoys the feel of someone touching him in a sexual way,but the proof that hes not gay is that when he sees the man that is touching him,he doesnt have an erection anymore.as for what his brother did to him,it seems like a childhood memory that affected him but didnt turn him gay,i dont think he has gay tendencies...
2006-11-27 07:57:43 · answer #7 · answered by jaafar 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm intrigued to hear what you would consider "gay tendencies". I certainly wouldn't consider sensitivity to be one. With the info given, it seems to me like you are really trying to stick some misplaced judgement on him.
2006-11-27 07:56:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I don't know what you mean about it being "different" with women. I've been with women, and I consider myself bi sexual. A man that has been with another man, and also women is considered bisexual. If it doesn't bother you, let it go. It might make him uncomfortable talking about it if it just reminds him of molestation.
2006-11-27 07:56:57 · answer #9 · answered by Monica K 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He's not gay. Since he did experiment and didn't like it he's probably the most confidently heterosexual male you know.
2006-11-27 07:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by John's Secret Identity™ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋