Why do negative words always affect a child more than positive words?

Question

You can praise a child all day every day, but if a parent says something negative once then it seems to be the only thing that the child remembers.

Answer 1

If the praise is give indiscriminately, every time the kid turns around, after a while it doesn't mean anything. Parents should be selective when giving praise, and even more cautious when giving criticism.

It is natural to remember pain - our bodies and minds are geared toward learning from pain and fear. That is one reason we remember pain long after the incident which caused it.

I don't know why humans are so self-critical. Everyone I know is, deep down. Just the human condition, I guess.

P.S. I second Amberina's suggestion - GREAT movie!

Answer 2

I don't actually know the answer to this, but I think it has to do with the fact that people tend to give children such constant praise that it starts to sound like background noise. It may sound strange, but I think praise is more effective if you save it for significant achievements or really great efforts (not necessarily academic or sports achievements, but an effort made to do something positive.) The negative, which by most well meaning parents is less frequent, seems more significant by its rarity. If you actually take the time to give a negative comment it must be something really important, and maybe it means I am really bad, thinks the child.

Another part of it is the way you give the negative feedback. If you scream and yell, if you say the child has really really disappointed you and they have ruined everything and next time do it better they can start to feel like you don't love them anymore.

Answer 3

Personally, I'm not so sure it's the words as much as it's the *delivery* of those words. And is it necessarily a child as much as it could be anyone who is affected by negativity?

People of a certain race could joke around using certain phrases with one another and get away with it. Take a particular word out of context and use it as an epithet and it takes on a whole new meaning.

I've seen fathers affectionately call their sons a "little s---" and ruffle their hair and the child would smile up at them. Used in another manner and the same word becomes something we should never say aloud.

Sometimes words can do more damage, depending on their use, more than fists could ever do.

Answer 4

Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents' eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your child. Your words and actions as a parent affect your child's developing self-esteem more than anything else. If you praise your child it will make them feel proud. If you negatively say something to your child, they will feel worthless. I believe the negative affects a child more, because it takes away from the child's sense of self, and self-worth.

When I was growing up, i was, at first, an A+ student. I felt proud, because it was one thing that I felt I could do well, that my parents liked about me. When my grades went from A+ to just A's, my parents were okay, with that, but 'disappointed'. I was bright, yes.. and I strove for my parents approval always, at the cost of my own health. At one point, I actually made a C in math, because I had been having trouble with what we were learning.. And i remember bringing that report card home, and my father, being angry at me because my grades weren't perfect. I remember him saying "you're worthless".. and i don't think I will ever forget it.. mainly because i haven't yet, and its been over 10 years. I remembered my parents did praise me at other times, because they were proud of me.. but unfortunately i can't remember what they said when they praised me. those words "you're worthless" and "you should try to be more like your brother" still ring loud in my mind when i take a stroll through memory lane. :-(

Answer 5

Sadness and anger are two very strong emotions. They demand immediate attention. Be careful using negative words to your child. You can get your point across just as effectively using positive words.

Example: Instead of saying, "I can't believe you got a D in math! Why don't you try harder? Don't you pay any attention in class? I'm very disappointed in you!"

Try saying, "I think we need to spend more time going over your math home work after dinner every night. You are so smart and I'm very proud of you. Remember if you don't understand something ask the teacher or me about it and we will explain it to you."

Answer 6

We are more affected because it makes us feel like we are a failure to our parents who we love and admire. They are our role models so we try and be the best for them. It really hurts deep when they show open disapproval. My mom was good to me but my dad called me fat and ugly all my childhood and liked to hit me in the head...I am 23 now and married and still think i'm fat and ugly. My husband says I'm beautiful but I had it imprinted on my brain otherwise so lowering self-esteem destroys any belief of praises we may get.

Answer 7

Rent the movie - What the bleep do we know - down the rabbit hole.