How do you discipline a 6 year old out of control child?

Question

I have a nephew who is 6, I watch him and his siblings while the parents work. He is out of control, the school is calling because he is hitting, spitting, kicking and throwing pencils at other students. He hits his little brother, he refuses to listen or do what he is told, he is mouthy and like to try to minipulate people to get what he wants, he attempts to steal things, and he has burned my car seat as well.
We have tried everything to try to control this situation. Mental health was also contacted and they are to full to see him because they only have three councoulers do to the area we live in. (very small town)
Nothing works with him and I don't want to see his behavior progress to the point where he ends up in jail or prison later on.
If anyone has suggestions it would be greatly apprectiated.

Answer 1

I don't want to be trite about this--some people have mentioned it--but spanking really does work--and it is an important thing.

A lot of people since the 1950's or so have been anti-spanking. This started with some "research" and changing societal attitudes. Well, the experiment has been a failure and a lot of younger parents are returning to the method successfully by parents for eons.

Although I was spanked as a kid I was convinced in college that it was inappropriate. So I did not at first spank when I had my own kids. To make a long story short--in the course of being a Mom I changed my tune and decided my parents were not so dumb and old fashioned after all.

I know that anectodal stories are not very useful--but that is the major reason I spank--it works for me. I also think it is fairer and less mean than punishments like time outs and groundings. A spanking gets the punishment over and the air is cleared. The other things drag the thing out. I don't want to be a parental jailer. With younger kids I think the whole point of why they are being punsihed is lost. With older kids it is no more of an effective punishment and inspiration to strive for better behavior than jailing adults is.

I think if more parents would spank--and do it correctly--they would be very surprprised by the results they get. And I don't mean for every little thing but not just as a last resort either. The real key to making it work is consistency.

I should also mention all the research that has been done on this subject showing it is bad. These are all statistically flawed. Infact to the surprise of one researchers who surveyed all the research--he found it to be the most effective method of getting children to comply with the wishes of their parents. For more information on this see my discussion at: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-ggifacyzf...

There is a reason parents have been spanking since time immemorial. The anti-spanking movement is very new. And like a lot of new untested ideas I am convinced it is wrong.

I suggest you get a paddle or something like that (one of those flyback paddles with the ball removed works great) and use it CONSISTENTLY (that is the hardest part but the most important part). I spank on the bare fanny. Some parents don't like that method. But, for a lot of good reasons it is the traditional method. I have found it works much better than dull thuds over layers of clothing.

Of course, the parents will have to be onboard (and approve) with this. Pick them up a paddle when you get yours.

Answer 2

I am not an expert, but i sincerely believe his behaviour will escalate. My answer is based on watching and using techniques from shows like Nany 911.

Step 1 - Communicate to them that they are going to see a change in you. That you are no longer going to accept poor behaviour. For this to work, get them to stop what they are doing, and stand/sit right in front of you. Speak clearly, calmly and look directly at them. Don't talk down to them. Establish a time out spot and tell them that they will be put there if they misbehave. Make sure they understand before they leave that spot. The calm, clear, explanatory approach is critical.

Step 2 - Every time they do something wrong, stop what you are doing immediately, and bring them to the time out spot without overreacting. Get down to their level. Explain that they must stay there and think about what they did for a few minutes. Tell them the timeout does not start until they are quiet and thinking. After this is done, make sure they give you are an appropriate explanation of what they did wrong and apologize if applicable. Repeat this consistently from that point forward.

The first several times, they 'will' fight the timeout. They must be made to complete the timeout every time (this does not require physical force). Try explaining the situation calmly if they resist and assuring them they can go back to what they were doing after the timeout. Show them that you are determined and they will see it. Watch out for their typical excuses (sudden need to go to the bathroom, hungry, crying, etc.)

I have tried this technique on cousins, nieces, and we have even started on our 2 year old. It worked in all situations, with persistence and the children all have discipline issues. They begin to expect your reaction and modify their behaviour accordingly. The technique requires absolute consistency since children can find the weak point in anything. In fact, it is highly likely that if it works when you watching them, they will still misbehave when they go home with their parents until the parents establish the same system and boudaries.

Answer 3

Sometimes harsh punishments aren't always the best. I have a nephew who was very unruly (12 yrs old now & quite manageable), I also have an 8 yr old who gets out of hand. My advise is to sit him down and spend some one-on-one time with him. Tell him how "not cool" his behavior is, let him know that he is loved just as much as the others. Spend more time with him and think of something that only the two of you can share, like sneaking to the store to buy goodies, or baking cookies together. Sometimes a conversation works better than a spanking.

Answer 4

Children do what you let them do and they will test you and attempt to take charge.

You have to establish a pecking order in your home. You are the Auntie and he is merely a child (you love him nonetheless)

He knows that acting out in school gets him attention and takes his parents and other relatives off of yall square so he does it to get under your skin.

When he starts one of these fits in the home or in school, take him to a room where he can be alone. He should not have an audience.

Also try a behavior chart....these things work wonders!!!!!!! Please believe me.

I have my daughter on one to encourage her to complete her house chores...but you can have on strictly for behavior and reward him for the points or stars accumulated at the end.

Kids love earning points, gifts and your respect. Make him work for his extra curricular activities such as TV time, snacks, computer time, movies, going outside.

The trick is that you have to stick with this system, when he doesn't earn the points, don't reward him, but explain why he isn't getting rewarded.

When he does well, reward him with praise, hugs and kisses and little treats.

Encourage his teachers to do the same in school.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

I think the last thing you want to do is hit the child. It seems unreasonable to try to teach that one shouldn't be violent while using it as a consequence. You do have to take control here, though. If he gets home and starts hitting his little brother, you might consider pulling him aside from his little brother and giving him work to do. Work with him with his schoolwork while keeping his sibling out of harm's way. Also, its important that you commend his little brother for his good behavior. You might consider having him looked at by someone outside of the school system, maybe take a day to take him out of town to get looked at, this seems rather important before it progresses. My best advice though is to stay firm with whatever you choose to do; let him know that he cannot manipulate you, and although you are not a direct parent, you still carry the weight of one, and what he is doing is wrong. If he steals things, perhaps have him write a letter to the people who he tries to steal from, or give a verbal apology.

Answer 6

I found a way to control my nephews bad behavior but it was not easy.
What I did was make him become close to me as possiable... Then when he did something wrong I told him how much he had hurt me by doing it... This what i would tell him... "Why did you pull her hair today in school, you know it is wrong and it makes me want to cry when you do bad things ;SNIFFLE SNIFFLE; I I know your a good kid..... But i guess i be sad now.... 9 out of 10 times he come up to me and tell me he is so sorry he wont do it again... I then leave it at that dont harp over it... Now he is a good kid not much trouble out of him in school... Now my 7 is different he is just active.... and that can be control other ways

Answer 7

Thats easy to be taken care of.
Its about time you do something though - in about one or 2 years all efforts on changing him will be wasted because hes too old.
You need to start with setting up small rules, things you can handle. Things like: You can do this and that for 10 more minutes - then you will do something else.
By this he will slowly start to learn his limits and you can tighten the lessons after that by giving him tasks of things to do and making him understand why he has to stick to the rules.

Answer 8

take everything away from him. toys books video games stick him in his room keep taking away till he has nothing but his mattress on the floor. then tell him if he wants his things back then he has to earn them back by behaving and acting like he is supposed to. I have never done this but I saw it once on Dr. PHil and they showed how it works. But remember he is only six. he will get better. Give him love and support when he earns it. He may just be doing this for attention.

Answer 9

you put him in time out and you tell him tobehave and say it firmly and dont smile let him know that you're serious and you mean business and for God sake do not spank him talk to him and reward him when he listens and when he doesn't dont well you should tell your nephew that it's not okay to hit and you talk to him and tell him that you're not suppose to play with fire and take him to the fire department and let them show him the danger of playing with fire and maybe that will help you with that matter just try talking to him and explain everything to him explain to him the right things and the bad things that you do and you dont do and hopefully he should understand that you are trying to help him and always let him know that you love him and that you're trying to help him to be a better person that everyone would love and appreciate.

Answer 10

Well, I would definitely beat the kid.
But, if you simply don't agree with that...then take away his priviledges. Yes, he's young, but if he's going to continue to act like that then he doesn't deserve a thing.
You need to let him know whose the boss basically.
Watch Nanny 911 and you'll get a lot of tips on what to do.