TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't i promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON: I hope you didn't either.
GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.
TEACHER: Toby, what are you doing under your desk?
TOBY: Didn't you tell us to read Dr.Jekyll and Hyde (hide)?
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program. "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he snapped.
"Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?" a voice shouted.
"Okay---you start."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHERS: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
AMOS: I lost my quarter.
TEACHER: And why are you late, Oliver?
OLIVER: I was standing on it.
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
2006-11-27 07:27:09 · 19 answers · asked by babegirl 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
they were funny. got any more for me to enjoy?
2006-11-27 08:12:18 · answer #1 · answered by hobo h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not a long joke. It's a lot of short ones. Here's two more of the same genre:
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."
*****************
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is !!I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was... The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: " What is 3x3?"
Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?"
Johnny: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, " I think Johnny can go to the third grade," The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, "legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal' eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied," Pockets".
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, " Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions".
2006-11-27 15:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by Rico Toasterman JPA 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should of said Short Jokes or Funny Jokes,the jokes are different,but I had to re-read because I thought it was a long joke.
The jokes were okay,but I give you props because their were clever. I'd give them 7/10.
2006-11-27 15:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by Jeremy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Omg lmao rotfl lol I luv em , did you make them up by yerself or did you just copy them?
2006-11-27 15:36:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow these jokes are really bad... its like someone took a really bad joke book from a 5 year old kid and put it on the internet and i guess thinks its a question and thought it would be a good idea to put it on yahoo questions. i guess the chewing gum joke wasnt too bad if ur 8 years old and dont have a brain but thats just me
2006-11-27 15:29:36 · answer #5 · answered by jg1272 2 · 1⤊ 5⤋
cute i saw a hirt with
SEE NO HOMEWORK
HEAR NO HOMEWORK
DO NO HOMEWORK
my six year old son thought it was the funniest thing ever.
2006-11-27 15:34:59 · answer #6 · answered by here_comes_trouble_4_you 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
some of those are really good. especially the last one.
2006-11-27 15:42:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats cute
2006-11-27 15:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lol....i cant stop giggling! lol....i love the one about who discovered america and he said George! lol....
:O)
2006-11-27 15:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very funny...Thanks for sharing!
2006-11-27 15:32:50 · answer #10 · answered by Λиδѓεy™ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋