I was with a guy and we lived together for a year. He left me about 3-4 months ago and I was devastated. There would have been nothing more that I would have wanted than to work things out with him.
Now time has passed and I am with someone new. I love this person and he feels the same, and has a lot to offer. We get along great but have only been seeing each other for a short time. I see a future with him and I know he wants a future with me.
For the past 3-4 months since my ex I split we have not spoken once. I really missed him and wanted to talk to him badly, but he wanted nothing to do with me. All of a sudden he comes back into my life and wants to work things out. I love and miss him but I worry that our problems cannot be resolved and I don't want to hurt who I am with now.
I don't want to lead anyone on but I care about them both and don't know what to do. I don't want to throw away a good relationship either way and I feel like I will no matter what I do.
2006-11-27 07:24:37 · 11 answers · asked by Don't Feed the Trolls 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
While it sounds like you once had a lasting relationship with this long term guy, it is obvious that things weren't working for him when he was close to you. He left you because he didn't want to be with you, nothing more, nothing less.
As a guy I know when we look to come back, we all come up with so many excuses as to why we left, how much we now know and understand, how foolish we are, and how much we miss you. Bla, bla, bla!
Bottom line is if he is smart, he knows how emotionally attached you are/were and is playing it in his favor because he is lonely or that his reason for leaving you (if it was for another girl) isn't working out in his favor (sex only takes a relationship so far). An instant fix is to get back with you until he recalls why he left, gets his booty call from you, or until something better comes along.
You are safe with him, but because he left once, it would be a very safe bet he would take off again once his old feelings or someone hotter comes around. Believe me, if you go back with him, it will happen again. You would be wasting your time. Move on! Holiday season doesn't help with emotional stuff like this.
Keep in mind, HE LEFT YOU...you owe him nothing not even a second chance. He should have thought about that when you were asking him to come back before you became involved again. As a guy, it is tempting to want/take something you feel you can't have. In a sick way, your sityation offers a challenge for him to see if he can get you back one more time (ego thing) and be better/win over the new guy.
Sounds to me like you are very young, (under 25) and got involved with someone new before you got closure with the old guy. Just as the guy who left you, you are doing a disservice to your new "love" if you even consider being torn. How would you feel if he was dragging an old flame into your relationship?
It seems like you have a real issue of being alone.
If it was me, I would break up with both or stay with the new guy, but in the future, take 4-6 months off before you get emotionally involved with anyone else. Today, neither one of them seem to be that special (seems to me like you are carrying emotions for both and have made things complicated for everyone). If I was dating you and I found out I was only as important to you as a guy who by choice dumped you on your ***, I would be so checkling out!
Do some healing/reading on divorce/relationship recovery and always remember and learn from what your prior boyfriend did to you. Follow and recall his past and current actions not his words (that stuff is easy).
2006-11-27 07:58:27 · answer #1 · answered by sundevil11252003 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is tough. I have had the experience more than once, but it has only been after a much shorter period that the effort at reconciliation was made by the ex-.
Each time, I returned to the ex-. The relationships with the Ex-es all ended. I was left with regrets for having gone back.
I wonder if I would've gone back, if the newer relationship had lasted longer; probably not. I wonder, too, if that new relationship had finally ended, would I regret not returning?
OK, I'm getting long-winded. My experience tells me that it is better to stay in the new relationship, because its only failure is one that hasn't happened yet: your decision to end it.
2006-11-27 15:33:52 · answer #2 · answered by Leo F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should stay with the man you are with now and not go back with the ex. I understand you two have been together for a year and you loved him, but remember he left you, and now that he has had his fun as a single man, he wants you back. But when you were willing to give it a shot and work things out, he wasn't..So my advice would be to stay with the man that you are with now that loves you and forget about the past, live for the future. Take Care and Good Luck
2006-11-27 15:30:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel u on this one but if you know you really love this new man stay with him because nine times out of ten the old boyfriend tryna come back because he knows you're with someone else and he thinks you'll be his dummy doll and come back when he wants you so prove him wrong keep the one ur with who is about something who's to say that if and the ex do get back together he won't do it again be smart and follow ur heart
2006-11-27 15:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by erika b 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't pass up the one you are with. Your ex left for a reason. You are not together for a reason. Don't throw away a great relationship for what might be or could be. Trust me.....if the relationship works....keep it....treasure it....don't throw it away.
2006-11-27 15:28:18 · answer #5 · answered by Blondie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for the New Guy. The Old Guy left you hanging and hurt you, then shows up again when you have another relationship. I wouldn't trust his character or motives.
2006-11-27 15:27:56 · answer #6 · answered by Gallifrey's Gone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your ex left you and you tried working thing out and he didn't want to that is his problem you tried to give him a second chance and he rejected you move on be happy with the new guy in your life let your past be your past
2006-11-27 15:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by love 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just forget about that other dude that dumped you and move on that other guy sounds good so maybe give him a chance just dont go running back to that other boy trust me he will do dump you again
2006-11-27 15:28:51 · answer #8 · answered by snowyday_06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the guy you're with now is what we call "Rebound Guy" and "Rebound Guy" always loses to "****** Guy" because "****** Guy" left you and broke your heart. "Rebound Guy" is like putting duct tape on your heart. It works but it doesn't feel right. "****** Guy" is the one you're convinced can make your heart feel whole again. Sadly, karma dictates that once you drop "Rebound Guy", "****** Guy" will dump you again. Of course, if you hold on to "Rebound Guy", you'll always wonder "What If" about "****** Guy". Worst of all, you and "Rebound Guy" are destined for failure because he will always be "Rebound Guy" and "Rebound Guy" always loses. The good news for "Rebound Guy" is that after you dump him, he will meet "Rebound Girl" and she will repair his broken heart.
Hope that clears things up. Good luck!
2006-11-27 15:34:12 · answer #9 · answered by NuYawker 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go with the one your dating now because if that other dude really really loved you he would have stayed with you
2006-11-27 15:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by Titan Quest Goddess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋