Im a Daddy of two but....?

Question

Im a Proud daddy of two my little boy is 4 and my baby girl is 3 shes a daddys girl...But I want another baby..My wife doesnt want another one just yet she said...We are finacially stable and everything...Why wouldnt she want another baby??She just told me she wants to wait untill our son is in school,2 more years...I dont want to wait that long I enjoy being a daddy and I love children!!....Women maybe you can tell me why you think she doesnt want another child yet?? And,Yes I help her out alot..Im not a dead beat father or a lazy father in any way shape or form..

Thanks for easing my worries..I know how hard it is with these little ones and I can understand if she just want a break..I just wish she would tell me she wants a break..I always have a day on the weekend that I watch the kids all day while she goes out with her friends and then during the month we have "date night" so we can both relax and just get back to the two of us for a little while...I do work a stressfull job and I come home and try to be as helpfull as possible..because I do realize that a being a mommy and homemaker is a 24/7 job...

Answer 1

Pregnancy can take a serious toll on a woman's body. It sounds like you had your daughter immediately following your son. It's exhuasting being pregnant. And even though you help your wife out a lot (God bless you!) and are not a dead beat dad, I'm sure you still work during the day...typically 8 hours. That's a long time for her to be home alone with 2 little ones. Throwing a newborn into the mix will just create stress if she is not ready. I think she is wise to wait until the oldest is in school. That will give her the chance to devote the necessary attention to a newborn and the other child.

Answer 2

Dear Daddy of Two -
I think it's wonderful that you pitch in with the kids in any way. But the fact of it is that unless you are a Stay-at-Home Dad or somehow Daddy Extraordinaire, your wife probably does most of the work when it comes to the kids. That's just the way it is most of the time. Not to mention that it is HER body that has to undergo all types of emotional, physical and hormonal changes during pregnancy and afterwards. No matter how supportive you are, you cannot understand what it is to bear a child for 9 months and then push it out when the time comes. Not to mention that she already has two at home to worry about. While you certainly should discuss your opinion, and your desires are valid, the fact that your wife is bearing the children does carry a bit more weight. You ask why she wouldn't want another one yet. The fact is, she hasn't said no outright, she just wants to wait, probably until she feels she is more able to handle a little one again. Three at home is a LOT of work. If she's doing the bulk of the work, she certainly has the right to want to wait until she can handle it better with one out of the house.

If you're really gung-ho about this and financially able, you could propose getting some help for her with the third child, if you don't already have any. Consider a cleaning service to help out at least weekly, or a nanny, even part-time, to look after the first two upon the baby's arrival. There are also people that specialize in helping out moms with newborns, either doing cooking, cleaning, caring for other kids, or a combination of all three, and knowing she would have some help around the house might ease her concerns, if they are based on the workload. (Look up "doulas"). But if this is not an option, you may be hard-pressed to change her mind.

If I were you, I would take heart in the fact that she hasn't ruled it out altogether, she just wants to wait. If you're the great dad you say you are, you will love the baby you desire no matter whether it comes now or two years from now. Remember, you are a great dad but it is also important to be a supportive husband. I'm sure you'll get your chance to be super dad again as soon as wifey is ready.

Answer 3

We have 2 babies close together too (16 months appart). My husband loves them and he is a great father; I coudn't ask for a better one. Our littlest one is 2 1/2 and I have mixed feelings about having another one.

1) Pregnancy is 9 months of sheer torture, sometimes you feel like your body has been invaded and no longer belongs to you. Everything hurts and you are so uncomfortable that at the end of it all, you actually look foward to the ORDEAL of giving birth. Followed by months of disturbede nights.

2) Everything is more difficult with small children. Going to the grocery store can be a nightmare. When I am waiting in line behind 4 other people with loaded carts trying to keep the kids from messing up the candy, yelling at the top of their lungs, laying down on the floor and having a tantrum, or simply making sure they don't wander off in diffent directions, I feel like I am going to explode.

3) Financial issues come into play too, even if you are doing well. What kind of life do you want to have. Are extras important to you? Lessons at the Little Gym, Soccer, Swimming, Chello club, ski lessons, trips on air planes and such and the like are NOT FREE and the cost rises with each child. If you want to be able to provide these extras, you need to think about the number of kids that you can provide them for.

4) I understand why your wife would want to wait until the youngest is in school. That way, she can have some one on one time with the new baby. With my first two so close together (your children are very close together too with 1 year between them) I felt that I lost out on their babyhood. My older child was so young when my second one came along. Sometimes I feel guilty about them being so close and I feel cheated out of enjoying their young baby time.

Answer 4

well for one i am only 12 weeks pregnant with my first and i am not sure i want another- pregnancy for me so far has not been very pleasant...
for two to have three children home all the time with her is a little much... You could try suggesting you son start preschool- which lasts almost all day and would give her the extra time to take care of another baby while you are at work. or even, if your son is already learning you could look into starting him at a private school- even if you aren't religious (i started a catholic school when i was 4... i knew cursive before i got to 3rd grade... It gave me a good starting point... and my family is not religious so my parents taught me their veiws and that the bible teachngs at school are another veiw) Then he could start school and again give your wife the extra time she probably feels like she needs to have to have a nother baby....

Have two little ones seems overwhelming... and three may just be too many "mommy i need this" a day... either way good luck

Answer 5

with two small children at home 24/7 she has no time to do anything but raise children. Adding another one before one is in school would put her in to over load. She has other things to do like clean and cook. I don't know if she works outside of the house or not but if she does she is all worn out.
Have you tried staying with the kids day in and day out just you and see what all she has to do with them. Try it and I think you will get the answer to your question better than anyone else could answer it for you. Let her body and mind relax.

Answer 6

It takes a lot more than money and help to have another baby. Perhaps she doesn't want to put her body thru that so soon again. Plus, it's nice to put some space between your kids' ages. that way she can spend enough time with a new baby without taking away special time with your other 2 kids. You don't want anyone to feel pushed to the side because of another baby.

I think you should spend as much quality time with the kids you have and enjoy their younger years - the slip by so quickly!

Answer 7

That is wonderful that you enjoy being a father. But as a mother I can understand where your wife is coming from. Balancing two children and being pregnant at the same time can be very stressful. your hormones go out of control, you can be happy one minute and sad mad the next. what i am trying to say is that she probably thinks that it would be easier for everyone if you do wait.

Answer 8

Okay, little boy is 4, little girl is 3. So she spent like two years being pregnant. That's a lot. Six months was enough for me to say I want to wait a little while. It might be that her emotions and body are in check now and she's enjoying her children, not to mention her sleep.

Answer 9

She had 2 children together and very simply wants a break. She didn't say she would never have any more she just wants to wait.
It is hard raising more than one child at a time. she just doesn't want to much on her plate.

Answer 10

It is easier to take care of a newborn when you have the littlest one in school. I have worked it out like that with all of mine too. Its just less stressful. Im sure you help out alot which is great, but its still alot of work for her.