Depression & Relationships?

Question

For those of you who suffer depression, do you find it extremely hard to keep up with a romantic relationship? Or do you preffer not to get involved in a relationship at all? I suffer from depression and find it very stresfull to be with someone, it's very hard to comunicate when you feel like this, on top of that I have low self esteem and a drinking problem wich I know is totally wrong and I try to hide. I'm afraid the person I'm with whom I met recently, will eventually see the truth about me and become uninterested and eventually decide not to be involved with me at all. I'm afraid of the pain this may cause. In fact I am in pain right now thinking how unfit I am for relationships.

Answer 1

Here are some things you can try at home to help relieve your depression. Sometimes once depression lifts a little, things like the drinking and relationship problems have a fair shake at turning around. Hope this helps.

"GET OUT OF BED:

One of the most important things you can do is get up at about the same time every morning (even week-ends). Preferably, that means about 7 a.m. or earlier. You might not feel like it but Get Up. Such regularity helps your body function more normally so you're more likely to feel normal.

LIGHTS:

Light helps your body function better. So turn on a lot of lights as soon as you arise. Open curtains to get more sunlight. Better yet, go outdoors into the sunshine as soon as you can. Remove any eyewear so light will enter more readily (glass cuts out some of the sun's rays). But don't stare at the sun, of course.

MOVE:

Be active right away -- oxygenate! That means getting up and walking around your dwelling for five or 10 minutes, or perhaps riding an exercycle. Mild exercise gets the blood flowing and transports more oxygen throughout your body (especially to your brain), helping you feel mentally alert and alive.

MUSIC:

Select and play some energetic, happy music as you dress and have your breakfast. The audiovisual department of most libraries has albums and tapes you can check out.


BREAKFAST:

Begin your breakfast with protein (i.e., meat, eggs, peanut butter, nuts, cheese). When you get up, your body chemistry is ready to convert food, especially protein,into longlasting energy. To balance your most important meal of the day, add an orange or other fresh fruit and whole grain cereal or whole grain bread.

TALK WITH SOMEONE:

One of the quickest ways to beat the blues is to interact with others. You might not feel like doing that - you'd rather avoid people when blue. So make lt easier on yourself. Talk with someone you enjoy about a subject you enjoy so there is definite give and take.

And, force yourself to say "hello" to the persons next to you in class, those where you live, anyone around.

LIMIT CAFFEINE:

The long-term (four hours or so) effects of caffeine are depression. Try to limit coffee to no more than one cup in the morning. Coffee can make you more alert for an hour or so, but later you get an opposite reaction. Caffeine tends to increase the release of insulin in the blood, and insulin lowers the blood sugar level. When you have low blood sugar levels, you begin to feel less sure of yourself, and have low energy levels, which can lead to the blues or depression.

LIMIT SUGAR:

Sugar might give you an initial rush of energy, but within an hour or so the blood sugar level can become low, and when it's low you may feel low, too.

The caffeine/sugar cycle. It's easy to get caught in the caffeine and sugar cycle -- having coffee, caffeinated soft drinks, or something with sugar every two hours or so to "stay up." For example, cola contains about 10 teaspoons of sugar plus caffeine equal to about half a cup of coffee. In addition to bringing on the blues, this cycle can result in dependence, poor nutrition. and obesity -- reasons to get down on yourself even more and feel blue.

MAINTAIN FIBER:

Fiber helps food go through your digestive system at a proper rate, giving a more constant energy supply. Highly processed foods merely provide a quick surge of energy which can be followed by depression. You can maintain fiber in your diet by eating an orange or grapefruit rather than just drinking the juice. Eat fresh vegetables, fresh fruits, and whole grain breads and cereals.

STRESS B COMPLEX:

Some persons report receiving help by taking a concentrated vitamin B complex. You'll find these called something like "Stress B" or "B 50." This is controversial.
Some nutritionists say, "Yes, this really should be considered," and others say, "No, this is not a good Idea." You can try some and decide whether or not it helps you. If it does help, then perhaps you should consult a nutritionist to see if there are other ways you can augment your diet.

ROUTINES:

Changing your routines is another way to help shake the blues. Choose a different combination of clothes to wear, walk rather than drive, take a different route, eat at a different place. Do something different to help break the routine.

It's hard. Getting up in the morning, turning on the lights, eating a nutritious breakfast, keeping busy--keeping such a schedule is not always easy.

You might need help for the first few days, someone to help you form good habits, get you out of bed. turn on the lights, make sure you have a good breakfast, someone to help you be more active. One good way is to make a contract with a friend or friends who want to see you change. It might seem embarrassing, but
those friends want to see you healthy and happy rather than depressed and difficult to be around. Note: If you feel that you need the help of someone for more than three or four days, you probably should make an appointment with a counselor or psychotherapist. You don't want to wear out your friends!

DEVELOP SUPPORTS:

Good old-fashioned support works wonders. Most of us have not developed "support systems." We need to think about that idea ahead of time, if we have the tendency to feel blue, so that the supports can be available when needed. Plan ahead by filling out the last section of this publication and keep it handy. In addition to developing your own resources, you might know of some community support groups for persons with the blues. Call the local mental health center to see if there are some groups you might be a part of. Some places to call for leads at K-State will be listed at the end of this brochure.

What do I do when I feel myself coming down with the blues?

Recognize the change in yourself when you are "coming down" with an emotional slump. Don't deny it or feel guilty. Rather, take charge of yourself right away.

Perhaps taking a day off and doing some favorite things will restore you. Get more exercise: walk, garden, cycle, swim. You might not feel like it, but exercise is one of the best depression breakers and preventers.

PRETEND:

Put a smile on your face and pretend that you are happy. Stand straight rather than falling into that slouching, depressed posture. Sound hokey? Well, it isn't. Research demonstrates that forming a facial expression actually changes how you feel inside. And pretending to feel an emotion results in actually feeling it. Frowners feel sadder. And the depressing effects last for hours. So smile: at yourself and others, even trees or dogs or cats. Sure, it's tough to smile when you're feeling blue. The extra effort you muster to do it will help you break the blues.

Wear bright, happy clothes and pretend you are happy. You will then find yourself happy. Maybe, even wear a goofy shirt or blouse or cap so you can see others smile with you. Dressing cheerfully and pretending can beat the blues.

SEEK OUT HUMOR:

See a funny movie, read a humorous book, or listen to a comedy tape/CD. When you see a really funny cartoon, make a copy and save it. Consciously decide to use and employ these things when you find yourself coming down with the blues. Singing can help -- make yourself do it.

EXERCISE:

It's worth stating again: Exercise is a great way to break depression. Walk, go to the Rec Center and ride an exercycle, swim, or climb stairs if it's too cold or hot outside.

Do not give in to those inner blues that say, "I don't feel like it."
Doing almost anything constructive will be beneficial."

Answer 2

No this is not uncommon for you to feel this way, depression is an awful feeling and the alchohal is probably used to mask the pain however in the long run it is just creating further damage. My best advise to you is to seek some therapy and perhaps join and AA group. The good thing is that you realized that you are not capable or holding up a relationship; which at this time you are not the important thing is to address your issues and love yourself before getting involved with anyone else. If the this person really cares about you, they will stand strong in your beliefs. Not to mention you do not want to be in a relationship were you are being phony; where you are hiding and alchohal problem this is not fair to the other person. Get some help and love your self before you love others.


Good luck!

Answer 3

I know what you are going through. I am by nature a very depressed person have been my whole life. I do not know if I will ever be able to change, But I am trying. Unfortunately due to this communication problem I have, my current relationship is pretty much done for & after everything we have been through and done throughout these 6 years I am tired of trying to keep her from leaving and believe she will never be happy with me. I just wish she would realize this is who I am and nobody is perfect. She is far from perfect, but I am willing to sacrifice for her, why can she not do the same. I am not willing to give up that easily and I do believe you are wrong in saying you are unfit. I hope someday you and I will be able to overcome our depression, but unfortunately this is not going to be anytime soon and it is not going to be easy. First thing if you really have a drinking problem, you need to stop (do not go to AA) as for the rest You can not change unless you really want to, and people do change, it just takes time, so do not give up and do not think you are alone in this. If you need help don't be afraid to ask. Hope my ranting is of some help.

Answer 4

I can certainly relate to how you're feeling and I'm sorry that you're hurting. I've been through this cycle several times, as I've had many problems that I've tried to hide. What you described, in terms of them finding out and leaving me, happened with every serious relationship I've been in. Afterwards, I can only describe what I felt as incredible emotional pain.

What you're suffering with right now has a name, it's called co-dependancy or the fear of being alone. You're essentially validating yourself mentally by having a parter, where conversly, you would feel invalid without one. Right now, you know that you're not ok, that you need help and that you're not providing much value to this person, but you do care about them. Therefore, you begin to punish yourself, because you feel that you are an inadequate partner, but you still can't let them go. The ambivilance you feel can be debilitating.

When you become part of a co-dependant relationship, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Overtime, you will be exposed, because your pain will grow and it will come out through irratibility, rage and it will continue, because you'll remain together. Eventually, she will leave you because the relationship has gotten so bad and afterwards you will punish yourself and internally, be in worse pain then you were durring the relationship.

As hard as this seems, I would be honest with her and break it off. By doing this, you are truly SHOWING her how much you care and are giving yourself the opportunity to get well and keep the door open for a healthy relationship down the road. If not with her, it will be with someone else.

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm a know it all and shoving this down your throat. But I feel your pain, it's happened to me and I wish I had reached out for help like you are and had someone give me this advice. I probably would have been happily married by now.

As far as how to cure your substance abuse and depression. I am happy to offer some suggestions that have worked for me and several people I know. If you want to chat you can email me at [e-mail].

Be well

I

Answer 5

Well, your on the right track because your trying to identify what is causing you unhappiness. You need to talk with her and let her know your depressed and you feel its starting to affect the relationship. Maybe you should see a psychologist to try to help identify the problem. However, stay away from MEDS!!! Meds are never a good way of dealing with depression. You need to naturally release those hormones that make you feel happy. Otherwise you will become dependent on the pill to feel somewhat normal. Once you have identified the problem you will need to face it. There are people to help you do this but you will need to be willing and patient with yourself while you fight this. In the end you will be a much better stronger happier person.

Answer 6

You are unfit for relationships. But not because of your depression. The real problem is your drinking. That can cause the depression and low self esteem. Get some help and get off the booze.

AA is great. Find a meeting: http://www.aa.org/en_find_meeting.cfm

Answer 7

Alcohol, depression and relationships equal disasters.
The old adage is true- you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you. You need to take care of your problems- or else you will have trouble forming a healthy relationship. Read this article I found, called "How to Identify the Ealry Warning signs of a disastrous relationship".
http://wehow.ehow.com/how_2004116_identify-early-warning-signs-disastrous-relationship.html
If you see yourself in this article, start making some major changes.
You need to drop the bottle and think about seeing a psychologist.

Answer 8

I agree.. You are not doomed for bad relationships, but drinking in excess and hiding it are not good for either party. Get help with the booze and then i bet you will see other things turn around. Ive been there, it can help to talk it out. also, the person you're in a relationship may be strong enough to help also. If its real, dont doubt someone's ability to love and help.

Answer 9

hummm you sound just like my bf we hooked up about 2 years ago at the time both of us drank like fishes his for depression mine to help me sleep at night he also did a large amount of weed..and there is 11 yrs diff in out age him being the younger one.. i learned a lot about depression this past two yrs mainly trying to cope myself and help him.. imagine my surprise when i found out that a man of 28 could not perform in the bedroom due to dpression and drinking.. not to mention the temper tandurms and crying spells .. i prople should have run for the hills.. but i saw a person with a kind heart and decided to wait it out.. we are taking it one day at a time and are trying not to drink so much if you feel you cant quit all together just do in on the nights you dont have to go to work the next day.. and if you like me a person that will not drink and drive by a smaller bottle like a pint or a 6 pk of beer ..but do try to cut down on the drinking because drinking only makes the systoms of depression worse than it really is

Answer 10

My husband has depression and felt the same way as you. But we went to counseling and worked it out. Also being depressed and drinking isn't a good combination. Try to get off the alcohol.

Answer 11

Have you tried talking to a therapist? I think that maybe you could really benifit from it. People need to love and be loved and if your depression is getting in the way then it is time to take it to a new level and get some help.