broke up w bf and am having second thoughts. He was not respecting rules we have for going out. overreacting?

Question

bc we live in separate states for the time being, we have put rules in place when we go out to bars since we aren't together. one rule is that we call or text once every few hours to make sure the other one sitting at home is doing ok. my boyfriend has had problems doing this for me and for the third time it happened the other day. i feel like he values going out and drinking more than me. i was very upset and broke up with him. does anyone have any advice? i feel like i'm questioning myself now. but, at the same time, i am having severe trust issues. this all started when my boyfriend went out one night and i couldn't get in touch with him until 11 o'clock the next afternoon. i have trust issues now which is why we put these rules in place - and again - he has chosen to ignore them. any advice?

Answer 1

If you have issues with trust, why are you dating someone in another state? I dated my husband long distance for almost 4 years and never had to follow any kind of rules such as these...if he had said we needed rules about calling or texting, I would have known I didn't need him because he didn't trust me. I think you totally did the right thing...now this guy can find someone that will trust him and not put him under her thumb.

Answer 2

Why couldn't you reach him until 11am the next day? Was he cheating on you? Or was he passed out drunk? Or what? I'm not understanding why that was such a big deal to you.

If he's cheating on you or has a chronic drinking problem, then your issue is not a call from a bar.

If he's not cheating/not an alcoholic --- if he knows you have trust issues AND you are not an insanely jealous person, then failing to call you when you have these rules in place shows a lack of respect. If he disrespects you now, it's not going to improve with time.

Answer 3

Good Lord, text every few hours to make sure the other is sitting home! Way too many rules. If I were him I'd not want to be on such a short leash.

You aren't kidding that you have trust issues. If it's that bad with you, let it be and get a boyfriend in your city that you can keep an eagle eye on.

Answer 4

Wow... I think that rule is way too much. All my boyfriend and I ask of each other is that we text (or call) each other when we get home so we know that the other got back ok. Other than that, we don't keep tabs on each other during the evening.

Easy up on the rules. You should both be able to go out with friends and have fun without having to call in every couple of hours.

Answer 5

Its natural to have second thoughts but as someone who did the seperate states thing too, I know what you are feeling. My bf and I had similar issues, and it comes down to trust. If you can't trust him to respect simple rules like that about calling, big rules about cheating are not far from being broken either. Take the time now to enjoy your own company and learn what you have to give to another before getting in another relationship. Hope this was helpful :-)

Answer 6

I did the same thing with my boyfriend since we lived in different states...but even when he did call me to check up, I was still kinda mad because he was there without me. I trust him just not other girls. I don't think you are overreacting at all. I didn't even have to tell my bf to call me he just did every like hour when he went out just to make sure I was ok. If your bf can't have enough respect to at least call you and tell you what he is doing every couple of hours so you don't worry he doesn't deserve you. You seem to care about him more than he cares about you. But then again he could just be forgetfull, you know him way better so you do what you think is right.

Answer 7

Yeah, don't feel guilty about your decision. A whole relationship is built on trust, if you can't trust your boyfriend to spend a half a minute just to put two words down on a digital screen then it's definitely time to split.

Don't worry about not having guys or anything like that, especially on the computer. It's a lot harder to have a relationship over long distances like you guys are doing, and if you're going out to bars and flirting with other people anyway then you know it wouldn't work out so why did ya do it?

Answer 8

firstly, you are right for being angry..... yes the possibility of him dating and drinking and having sex with another gal is high!!!
But you did not see it!!!! right?
well pls understand as a man, once in a few times we wanted to have certain pride in front of frens and you know we jus act hero.
we flirt around...but we still love our girlsfrens but really its lonely sometimes when the one you love is so far. of course he should have call and told you he is going out at least.

so if u r having second thoughts ,call him. tell him that u are sorry for shouting at him or watever..... but emphasize that pls
abide by the rules. ok then when things are back and patched up,
you play back by doing the same thing ..... going out with guys...
let him noe ITS jus A gathering or chill out session. call him tat u would be late.... then do the same thing he did to you. And
walah when he ask you;" so how do you feel when you are me?"

let him understand how you feel. well after this you will knoe wat to do. you shld haf the answer.

Answer 9

In the first place, long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain.

Second, you are awfully naive if you think your BF is going to be sitting around, doing nothing, while his hormones are raging. You did the right thing by breaking up.

Answer 10

wow i think those rules are a little over bored but still you do need to make not rules just boundaries and you need to have a little more trust in him but don't let him go to far