...and I am not happy. I think he may feel guilty, but, should I tell him I am mad at him?
I don't want him to think I am overbearing or don't want him to go out and have fun... I want him to make his own decisions.
On the same hand, though, I feel he has disrespected me in a way. Sure, it's not technically cheating, but I have a problem with him seeing naked women dance in front of him.
We have been together over a year and this is the first time. I love him with all my heart and soul and, for me, he is the only man in the world. I only have eyes for him.
I really don't want it to happen again. Should I say anything?
2006-11-27 06:38:31 · 32 answers · asked by girl_pink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First, did he tell you he went? If so and youre still upset, then you might wanna explore WHY this bothers you so much. He came home to you, right? If it's something he enjoys, why not let him go? Either way, have a talk with him and let him know your feelings.
If he didnt tell you he was going (or went - sometimes this stuff happens on a whim), then I feel you on feeling disrespected since it would appear he was doing something shady.
At any rate, Id have a talk with him...non-accusatory, respectful, etc...dont get him defensive because youll get nowhere...
Good luck :-)
2006-11-27 06:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by Stacey D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Since you told him you were ok with it, you really cant be mad that he went..u cant really expect much more from a strip club then a bunch of sleezy skeezers dancing on your man. HOWEVER, you can LET that part go and tell him that you letting him go was just a 1 time thing for his 18th birthday. You dont feel comftorble with him there all together and it would mean alot if he didnt go..even if he has coupons. ((Btw i dont think strip clubs give coupons for lap dances..just drinks in which that case he could jus get the special at a regular bar)) If you ask him to not go and tell him u dont feel comftorble and he goes anyways then maybe being with him is something you should reconsider especially after 1 yr he doesnt respect you enough to go behind your back.
2016-05-23 12:36:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved him with all your heart and soul you wouldn't be in a dilemma over this. You use the word 'love' so loosely it really has no meaning!
You contradict yourself several times. You want him to make his own decisions yet it bothers you when he decides to go to a strip club!? You love him, yet you feel disrespected when he looks at other women, naked or not!?
I am sorry I am not giving you the trite, romantically oriented crap you are used to hearing, or for that fact, want to hear. The main problem lies within you, not him. There is no reason he should feel guilty about what he has done. You said it yourself; you are the one who has a problem with him seeing other women naked! If you loved him you would understand that what he did is normal and healthy.
There are many things we want and don't want in our relationships, but lets be mature, tolerant and reasonable when dealing with the idiosyncrasies of our mates. I am sure there are many things about you that irritate him but does he rub it in your face? Don't stir things up and try to understand the difference between men and women and the ways to cope and deal with them.
2006-11-27 06:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you understand he needs his guy time and you're fine with that but you would prefer it if he wouldn't go to strip clubs.Don't make a big deal about it though because that will lead to an argument. Be sure to tell him that you trust him, it's just that the thought of another girl dancing around him naked hurts you. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship so you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings with him.
2006-11-27 06:44:07 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably going 2 propose 2 u.Every man does something crazy b4 their engagement or wedding.He probably just wants 2 get all this out b4 he thinks his life is over.Why don't u do the same that the other women r doing?He will stop going if u do the same.But tell him that it makes u feel uncom4table and if he loves u,then he will do anything 2 make u happy!!!
2006-11-27 06:44:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows that you are upset.
To guys, women are like cars…
Guys will get the one that they REALLY want. We admire others as they pass by. We'll even look up different models on the web or magazines. We imagine what it would be like driving others. We’ll go to “shows” to see many different models. We even sometimes miss the good times and bad of previous ones. We can even pay money to test drive others (eww). BUT…We will NEVER give up or replace the one that we have and love.
On the note of being overbearing...be careful...
>Put your hand in a bowl of water, make a TIGHT fist, pull your hand out, now open it.
>Now, put your hand back in the bowl, GENTLY cup your hand, lift slowly
>>>Which one allowed you to hold on to what you wanted?
I'm a victim of this very same parable. So...I know exactly what can happen.
2006-11-27 06:42:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is not a thing wrong with a man going to a strip club but your reaction shows you have some immaturity. A mature woman would not be threatened by it.
Also, it shows he is much more likely to be promiscuous.
He is looking, and wishing, he could have sex with other women.
If my man did it I would not be bothered by the thought he looked at some naked women, but by the thought that he probably would have sex with other women given the chance.
2006-11-27 06:42:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has every right to go and you have every right to tell him that you don't like it when he goes. I think that since he went only one time that it is no big deal. If he makes a habit of it, then I would worry. Most strip clubs are made out to be more than what they are.
2006-11-27 06:41:54 · answer #8 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know how you feel, just like you did here. A hard lesson that I'm only now learning is that men can go to places like that and it has nothing to do with us. Has other areas of your relationship changed? New/more pornography? Since it was a first time thing, maybe he was just curious or maybe he was looking for a little spice in your sex life.
2006-11-27 06:43:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont tell him how you feel about it now, it will come out in a fight. Ask him if he'd like you to go to a strip club and watch naked men, and get lap dances, etc.
2006-11-27 06:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by uh_huh_ok_wassup_shutup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋