Help! I need some serious advice!?

Question

Ok heres my problem. Ive been with this guy for 3yrs and weve got 1 child together.Ive got 2 from a previous relationship.
The man that Im dating was on probation and told me that once he was off he'd move closer so that we could see each other more etc. Hes been off probation since September and is making plans to get an apartment where he is now and wants the kids and I to move there. The problem is hes in the USA and Im in Canada and I don't want to move there,which hes known since the beginning. He also said that I could get a job and work under the table so the government doesnt know(Im not doing that).
Weve had lots of arguements in the past and it also seems like he likes to make me feel guilty about things...
For example: If he calls and Im not home he leaves a message saying that 'hes not wasting more time on his calling card to call me and I hope Im happy cuz I made him waste time on it'..
Also I can't go out even with friends cuz he gets kinda mad and jealous.

Heres more info...He doesnt like me talking to my old friends from high school that I had lost touch with and hes also not really into spending time with the kids alot.

I feel like Im falling out of love with him and don't know how to tell him gently that our relationship has to come to an end. I don't want to hurt him but I feel like my life has been on pause and Id like for it to go on; if you know what I mean?
I'll still let him see our son etc but I can't put my life on hold anymore...its not good for me or the kids

Please can anyone give me advice on what to do?!
Thanks in advance...

For some peoples information he is paying child support as well as the father of my daughters.
And I'd never really seen it as 'controlling' before until I read some of the answers/advice from people.

Answer 1

I've seen this movie before and it doesn't end well. For the sake of your children and yourself leave him.

Answer 2

Go back and read what you just wrote. Is this the way you want to live?

This relationship is not going to last forever, and if it does you are going to be one unhappy lady. He knows that you would not like to move, and you made that clear from the start, he is not compromising with you, which is not a good sign. Second I had a man who always made me feel guilty about things that were not my fault and it sucked. But I always went along with it to make him happy. Well STOP doing that. It is a power thing. He likes having control.. I am out of that relationship now, I was in it for 12 years and let me tell you, I am in a relationship now where there is compromise and communication and no blaming each other and it is great. I love it and I love living this way.

Let him go now, while you can. It will hurt at first, but believe me you will hurt alot more if you stay in this situation.

Answer 3

Candy, please stop for a moment and ask yourself - If he finds calling you on his calling card to leave a message for you a "waste of his time", how long will it take for him to consider you and your kids a "waste of his time, money, and resources"?

Also, his suggesting that you could work and get paid "under the table" tells me he hasn't changed much since his probation. Also, you say that you've had a "lot of arguments" with him. No matter what, once you actually move in with him, your issues, problems, and arguments will only grow - because of physical proximity.

He broke the law. He's argumentative. He gets mad and jealous. And he thinks it's a waste of money and time to call you and leave you messages. Duh!!!!

Every decision you make doesn't just impact you - it affects your 3 children as well. So, be doubly sure before you decide on anything.

Answer 4

You know, I wouldn't want any part of that. He is responsible for his own hang ups, but he takes the easy way out by placing the guilt on you.

If he is like this now, think about how it will be later on? He may be a nice guy, but asking you to move you and your kids out to some place that you would have to work under the table is wrong of him. That’s putting you in risk, and your children.

You know what to do in your heart, you just need some one to help confirm how you feel. And that’s understandable, I do the SAME thing…. But when it comes down to it, you know what you are going to do.

I wouldn’t put your kids in that situation. I wouldn’t put your in that position either… he is controlling and all around not good for you. If he loved you he would understand you.

The best way to break it off is by being honest... its SO hard to do trust me... but the longer you wait the worse its going to be. Call him and tell him how you feel, it will be hard and he will try to stop you from leaving... but you know you have to do it. Good luck sister girl and stay strong.

Do what you feel is right, and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

A relationship has to be an equal give and take and not merely take or give. Have a real conversation with him stating the reason why you are falling out of love with him and see if you two can patch things up and try to resolve the issues involved. If he wouldnt change and still blames you for everything, then its time to end the relationship and move on with your life. And dont feel guilty because you ended the relationship. You are ending it because of him and you are at no fault.

Answer 6

No messing, sorry to say it, this guy is controlling you, or trying to at least...

Somethings are not possible to work around and if he has already promised you he WOULD move, but now that he cna honour that he is choosing not too suggest's he doesn't WANT to.
The other stuff sounds like confirmation that he truly is
a b@stard...
Dump his *** and get on with YOUR life, dont waste time on his guilt trips, they mean nothing to you if he can't keep his word.

You''ll be better off alone, at least YOU have the kids...

(appreciate it sounds like no choice but being unhappy in a relationship means you are living your life for others, try living it for yourself...

:-)
Be strong and good luck

Answer 7

you need to contact a good attorney and get the fathers of all three children paying child support...if they are not doing that now..especially the one in the USA..because he is blowing you off, but he still wants to be able to control you and make you do want ever it is he wants you to do..
so your falling out of love with him..maybe you should hurry that up a little bit faster....and you know your doing the right thing..but get the attorney and make him pay for the child..period..nothing else to say about that one.
him..keep in touch with him, for the child's sake...be very careful, very very careful if he is near the child, so he does not kidnap the child and take him to the USA...get that attorney NOW..so everything is down on paper so if something like kidnapping happens you are already done with the paper work showing the child ahs been with you and the father in an other country...this you need to do now..get that child support going..now...
forget about this guy, get a much nicer guy..he is only down the street and waiting for a great girl like you to come into his life..

good luck
smile

Answer 8

Hi! Love comes in mysterious ways, sometimes good and somethimes bad....Controlling a women on what she does and what she can't have are two different things. I think he sounds controlling, and needs honest direction. Its best to have a long distance affair, make arangements to have the children see him on accasion and maybe next summer....and so on. There are women out there that love this kind of attention and some are trying to get there life back to normal. This is your decsion and think of your children........and most of all be careful.

Answer 9

Clarie, in no way run from somebody to somebody ..... It takes time to heal .... yet you had a large guy impact you, your emotions and you observed the way it particularly is going to be completed .... Do you presently understand the way you decide on a guy to handle you .... the way you desire to be respected? Then the middle soreness exchange into particularly worth it ..... you found out ..... no which you have a development .....a concept in an attempt to talk ... you are able to go searching you once you meet human beings to work out how human beings degree up ... over the years your perspectives and needs & desires would exchange .... yet you have own understanding of this guy to assessment & analyze to others alongside your existence course .... a man or woman who's extra effective proper for you (nearer in age) will come alongside ..... i pitty the fool ... he has great shoes to fill ..... yet I guess he will think of your particularly worth it. in case your at college ... try the counsilor for a referal on who to talk with, there could be peer counsiling communities too, the Church can help ..... final shot get the dad and mom to envision the medical advantages .... yet your superb shot here ... is time and assembly new human beings. solid luck

Answer 10

You know your wasting your time being with him, even though you share a kid, you could be out meeting someone your meant to be with, ask you self are you, and him going to get married or is your relationship headed in that direction, if not, think about moving on.

God Bless
RS

Answer 11

Follow these easy steps:

1) Goto the hospital and get your tubes tied. We just don't need you procreating anymore.

2) Stay in Canada. See #1

3) If you actually cared about your children, you would find a way to facilitate a relationship for them with their Fathers. (as Long as they are worthy of that: non-voilent, not sexual predators, etc...)