Is he too young for me?

Question

Im 26 and my fiance is 20. We have been together for 1 year but seriously involved for only 7 months. He proposed to me two months ago and we planned to get married in june of 2007. All of a sudden im questioning everything! What if he gets tired of me? What if he decides later on that im too old for him? what if i am too old for him? is he really ready to get married at 20 years old although he says he is? how do i know that hes really inlove with me? Will this work? What do i do?? my mind is driving me NUTS!!!

Answer 1

If your both really in love it will work because you will both want it to work. Age really isn't a factor here especially since he is the younger one initiating the commitment. If your still really uncomfortable try a longer engagement to give you some time to sort out your feelings. As far as him tiring of you in the future you have no way of knowing that no one does its a chance you have to take, you could marry someone your own age or older that may tire of you the age doesnt really matter, commitment and love are the important factors here. Just be honest with yourselves and you will find the answers. g/l

Answer 2

Wow! Don't be so freaked out. Deep Breath (3 times).

Are you compatible? Then don't worry. Love comes and goes in a marriage like tides of the ocean. Is there a fit on all the other levels?

Do you feel you're stealing his youth away? Are you guilt ridden for no reason? Imagine how insecure and tortured you will feel once you have been married and that spark fades. Will you then feel more inadequate? Will you need continued reassurance, draining the life out of your marriage?

Take care of yourself, seek some pre-marital and individual counseling first. If your mind is racing this much now, think of how horrible a failed marriage and divorce proceedings with pain you.

Start things the right way so you don't have to clean up a mess later.

Answer 3

If you're questioning it THIS much, this is a red flag for you sweetie. Personally, I don't think he's too young for you, he's too young, period. 20 is awfully young to be making that lifelong committment to another person, people do a lot of growing up between 20-25. Think about yourself at 20, I'll bet you're alot different today than you were then. I'm also concerned with how his parents feel about the imending wedding, I'll bet their worried sick about him. If he really loves you, then he really loves you, period. If you can't trust that from him, then you don't have any business marrying him. Trust is key in any marriage, and he doesn't need to have his wife wondering what he's up to because she's 6 years older than he is. The age difference isn't the issue, his age currently is. Best of luck.

Answer 4

My bf is 6 years younger than me, We get along great and have a A+ relationship. So I don't think age difference is a concern.

What I think is a concern is that he is that he is too young to get married,. At 20 he is not even old enough to drink and there are many experiences that he hasn;t exprienced yet just like you have. He seems too tender for a big responsability such as a commited marriage.

Good luck

Answer 5

I married this 'older woman' when I was 19. 25 years and 4 children later, I think we might have a chance of getting over the age difference. Age is the least of your worries in a marriage. Enjoy the differences the two of you have and love each other.

Answer 6

Those are all good questions, but you never know sometimes these things work out and sometimes they don't, but a least your on the right track. I personally would tell him hey let's stay ingaged what does a piece of paper prove right now. I mean you guys both love each other, so just wait until after he is 21. that is when you'll know because all men when they turn 21 they run wild at the bars. I'm sure though your descision will be right. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I am in the same boat...go with your gut on this one. Do you love him? Don't look at the future as doomed. You might be the only one out of your group of friends that stays married forever. Talk about this with your fiance and make sure that you both have reasonable expectations of a life together and share goals and feelings. Good luck to you! I know what you are going through! It will be ok though!

Answer 8

He's not too young for you, he's too young for marriage!

My husband is 8 years older then me - I'm 28, he's 36. I never dated guys younger then me in my early twenties because of the obvious - the lack of maturity and the lack of money so my boyfriends were always 7-20 years older. I found I related better to older guys anyway.

As far as you're concerned, the age difference itself isn't bad, but the fact that he's only 20 is going to be hard for you down the road. Think about it - it's going to take him years to establish himself so you'll be footing all the bills, then when he turns 21 he'll go through a massive party phase that could last for years and years, and who knows if he'll ever mature. That's why it's best to date guys in their thirties because you know exactly what you're getting by then. I would think twice about the marriage - well, I know myself, I would never agree to something like that in the first place.

Answer 9

He is too young for you at the age he is. If he were 30 and you were 36, that would be fine. He would have been out in the world, working on his career, dealing with the realities of finances and family, etc. At 20 , his brain is not even fully developed! So what are you thinking?

Answer 10

Wow. In 20 years you will be 46 and he will be 40. What will it matter than?
I don't recommend getting married before the age of 30. For anyone. People change too much.