My nine year old daughter forged my name on a school homework assignment a month ago and was punished by having to do extra chores for a month...and was told that if I caught her doing it again, things would be much worse in terms of punishment. Well...today I saw a paper for school in which she forged her father's signature this time. What should her punishment be now and how should I address this behavior?
2006-11-27 05:54:54 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Precocious, isn't she. Please excuse my slight grin as I went through episodes like that and now my daughter is dealing with it too. I get many hours of amusement out of hearing of her trials.
First, I have to ask if you punished her for forging your name or the act of forgery itself. Kids can be very literal and are great at splitting hairs. In other words, be sure what you are punishing her for this time.
She's old enough and obviously bright enough that I'd have her write me an essay about it. Make her explain the circumstances. Why she did it, if she thought it was wrong and so on. Then she can explain what she feels would be an appropriate punishment. The idea is to make her think about her actions and the consequences. Be strict about content and quality of work.
Once she has turned in a reasonble essay, discuss it with her and what you are angry about. Then, make her write an apology to the teacher and present it to him or her. Require that he send back some sort of acknowledgment so you can be sure the teacher saw it. Also, do that for your husband. Make her apologise to him for forging his signature.
2006-11-27 06:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all - good for you for taking this seriously. Nipping it in the bud now will (hopefully) make life easier for you as she gets older.
First, I would talk to her teacher. Talk about getting her an agenda (day timer) in which she must record all of her work and what must be brought home to be signed (she should do this in pen) and the teacher should sign it at the end of the day. Then you should see it DAILY and sign it as well. This is also a good tool for communicating with the teacher if need be.
Next, make research the laws of identity theft and forgery with her. Let her know the bigger consequences of her actions.
I have hesitations about making work around home/chores a punishment - I think kids should be taught to do these things without the negative connotations. Kids need currency ... not money, but the things they care about as currency - television, telephnoes, MP3 players, computers, video games, movies, time with friends etc. Ground her from SOME of these things - the ones most important to her. Two or three months this time since you told her it would be worse this time. this punishment might be just as hard on you but don't relent - TOUGH LOVE.
2006-11-27 06:08:30 · answer #2 · answered by family_matters 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Punish her by taking away her important stuff. Nowadays, kids love tv, phones, video games, and music. Take that away for a for a month or two. Tell her "NO tv, NO phone, NO stereo, NO video games NO computer. Also take weekends away from her, and when something really important to her comes up tell her she cant go. She may say she hates you but you knwo what? I did that to my parents so they would feel bad and let me go. Make the punishment last a long time so she'll never do it again .. it may be harsh but she'll learn.
Kid's are sneaky, and will do anything to get there way. SO stay strong and make sure your husband and your other children (if you have any) and close family (that like live down the street or somethign) Understand the situtaion so they wont let her get away with anything behind your back. Like when you're going to the store and she sneaks to the tv and your husband tells her to get off but she says "mom said it was ok" you must tell you're husbands and close family that you will tell them PERSONALLY that her punishment is over.If it didnt come from your mouth dont let her slide. Also, make sure your husband gets his saying in her punishment too, he may have a better idea like ... helping a smelly old lady down the street with her house work or something lol two heads are better than one.
hope i helped give ya some ideas
2006-11-27 06:12:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are going about it all wrong. Sitting down with your child and helping her through her homework assignment instead of extra chores might skip the fact she got a bad grade and forged a signature.
The problem here is bad grades..not forging signatures. Your daughter feeling she can't come to her parents because she got a bad grade needs to be addressed before the forging of a signature.
Take if from a proud mother of two Yale graduates. Don't listen to these people. Get free advice from family/student counselor.
If she didn't get a bad grade she wouldn't have forged your signature. If she didn't get punished for forging yours and the problem was handled correctly she wouldn't have forged your husbands.
When you are done addressing the bad grade..let her know why its not right to forge your signature. Encourage her to come to you next time because everything will be ok.
Talk to her teacher/teachers and also set up another form of communication. Many teachers use email these days :)
You could possible get reports of bad grades right in your inbox.
2006-11-27 06:30:12 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs_MBorgen 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Talk to her and find out what she thinks is fair as a consequence. She's engaged in this behavior before and will likely do it again unless she has some investment in the consequences, either positive or negative.
If you 'punish' her based on your terms and what you think is fair (e.g., adding more chores, etc.) you may be missing the mark with her. It appears this may be likely, based on her repeat offense.
Parents who are viewed as authorities, rather than as the source of rewards and/or punishments, tend to raise children who are healthier, happier, and better-adjusted. These parents allow children to make their own decision (within defined parameters of course) but also allow their children to experience the natural consequences of their own decisions, good or bad. Of course your job, as the parent, is to set the parameters and provide enough information that your daughter can make good decisions. As she demonstrates increased responsibility for making good decisions, then the parameters are widened.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 07:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by sillysib7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll bet Dr. Phil would suggest taking everything out of the child's room and making them earn it back a piece at a time, the same way they will have to earn your trust. It always looks really harsh when they do this, but I have never seen it fail to work. You've got to hit 'em where they live, and for most kids nowadays, their rooms are their fortresses of toys and TV and computer and phone and all things that matter to them. Boy, when privileges disappear, they do sit up and take quick notice.
2006-11-27 07:34:20 · answer #6 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you talk to her about it? maybe she was scared you would get mad at her or something. I forged my mom's name once and then i realized she wouldn't have even been that mad if i'd shown her the D or whatever it was... Your daughter just needs to feel supported! like she can show you what's wrong! and you can do your part by punishing her a bit but if you make it over the top she will feel "what the ***. i should be able to do what i want" and that faze is terrible! listen to me and don't put her or yourself through that! It might be her whole education that's at stake here!
2006-11-27 06:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pretend like you aren't getting her anything for Christmas, don't let on in anyway that you really do have her something, if she start throwing hints about what she wants, just tell her she is being punished for forging you and your husbands name. This is the best punishment a child can get at this time of year.
2006-11-27 06:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I have an idea that might just work in this case. I know this is an extreme situation. Do you have a freind who is a police officer in the town you live in? Local police departments sometimes have programs called Scared Straight.
Explain to your freind what is going on. See if that freind will take your daughter "into custody" explaining what she did is a crime. She will be fingerprinted and picture taken like she is a regular criminal. Then she will be taken to the local county jail and shown what happens to prisoners.
I did this when my son did the same thing. He never did again. Talk about being scared straight.
2006-11-27 06:03:50 · answer #9 · answered by mikeae 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Reinstate the extra chores for a month but also ground her from phone,tv,computer or video games etc. Her life will then consist of school,chores,and homework.
2006-11-27 06:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by Country girl 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋