I say no, but wife says it's more dangerous to say no because she may sneek .. (she's never done anything sneeky or dishonest in her life!). It's her first boyfriend. He's seems like a nice guy but the age difference, the body piercing, the smoking, lives at home, dropped out of high school, etc..makes me feel this is not a good idea. Especially for a first boyfriend at 16 yrs old. I need honest opinions please.
2006-11-27 05:34:06 · 37 answers · asked by vikezupa 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh for the love of God! Why on earth would your wife fear your CHILDS reaction more than fearing what this may do to her life?
What a selfish parent. She's a child, she might be a teenager, and she might THINK she's in love, and she might FEEL she's an adult. But she's NOT. and you two are COMPLETELY and TOTALLY responsible for her actions, her life, and her training into adulthood.
Your wife needs help. Put your foot down and be a good dad. The only way she could sneak around is if she had a chance to.
I fell in love at 16, i ran away from home to my out of state boyfriends. You can bet when i got home my parents took away EVERYTHING, and i never saw him again, EVER. I was miserable, and i made them miserable, but thank GOD they saved me from a life of foolishness.
Be a parent, and tell your wife to grow the hell up and be an adult.
2006-11-27 05:37:34 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a good kid and a good relationship. That's fantastic, but let's start with the facts:
Realistically, you can't forbid her to do anything without infringing on her burgeoning autonomy. If you give her a flat out no to seeing this guy, regardless of how inappropriate you feel he is, your daughter will, at least resent you and will, at most, shut down, stop communicating and sneak around behind your back.
This doesn't mean, however, that you need to turn her loose to make unguided and possibly unwise decisions. This would be equally disastrous.
You and your wife need to sit down with your daughter and speak frankly: Start by leaving this particular fellow COMPLETELY out of things, but ask her what qualities are important to her in a boyfriend. Ask her why these qualities are important to her, then ask her how this fellow has, thus far demonstrated them.
I'd then tell her about your concerns, because they're certainly valid. Keep to the facts, however. Don't make any remarks about this boy that could be construed as attacks on character as this will only set up an us-against-them mentality.
Finally, if after this conversation she's still intent on dating him, set up some ground rules - curfews, appropriate date locations, etc., and it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask to meet him prior to a first date.
Regardless, this particular guy will probably be a passing fancy - how you manage this situation is much more important in the long run. Use this opportuntiy to show your daughter that you trust her to make good and responsible decisions, and you'll reep the rewards.
2006-11-27 06:32:54 · answer #2 · answered by greyhoundjen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm - tough situation. I think telling her no at this age will probably see her sneaking behind your back because its now forbidden fruit, which is most tempting for a teen. Telling her yes is also concerning because you don't want her learning from the example the boyfriend is setting for her. If it were me I'd offer a conditional yes for the time being - give her a chance to show responsibility on her part first in that she still has to do well at school and behave respectably etc while getting the plus of the boyfriend. If she doesn't, then the boyfriend is nixed and you'll have to do your best to monitor her. This way, she'll see you as giving her some trust to do the right thing and you never know - after a while she may see the boyfriend as a dud anyways or maybe you'll end up changing your mind about him.
2006-11-27 05:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by chicchick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off I'd like to say just because someone dropped out of school doesn't make them a bad person. I'm a mother of 3 children and just got my High school Diploma this past summer. I had no choice but to drop out the school didn't want to help kids with learning disabilities. Another thing is the body piercings. That does'nt make him a bad person either.You can't go judging someone by their looks, Its their personality, the way they act that is what you should be concerned about. does he treat your daughter right. What if he did'nt smoke and did'nt have the percings and was her same age would you be able to tell if he was right for your daughter. She could be with a guy that was still in school dressed normal and he looked ok to you but for all you know he could be beating here and taking advantage of her. The 2 year age difference should'nt matter either as long as your daughter is aware of the facts on sex, stds, preganacy etc. I think you should sit down with your daughter and have a talk with her. Let her know you are there for her no matter what. I also think you should try and get to know this guy. The more you get to know him the more answers you could get answered. I hoped this helped out. Good luck
2006-11-27 08:12:29 · answer #4 · answered by Purple_Freak_Faery 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude... u know how shallow you sound! First 2years is hardly a big age difference. And secondly, just because he didnt or cant finish highschool for one reason or another it doesnt mean he's a bad guy. As lond as your daughter know that if her academica start to go down hill, that she'll lose the right to hang out with him. But if she can maintain what she's already got goin on then there isnt a problem. And just because someone has tattoos or peircings it doesnt mean anything. I have a couple of each and I graduated high school a year early and am currently an honor student in college. So dont be hating on people for petty reasons.
2006-11-27 06:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by Ash420Granito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you can judge someone based on those few little things. Maybe there are reasons behind it all. You never know. Maybe hes changed since he dropped out of school. And maybe your daughter and him really do like eachother. And if thats the case, that they really like eachother, it doesnt matter what you say or do they will find a way to see eachother BEHIND your back. And i can tell you any daughter would love to have her parents support. Its just the way it is. Give it a try and see how it goes. Maybe it will only last 2 weeks and she will see some things she doesnt like and want to move on. Then again maybe she will enjoy it and keep the relashionship going. Either way you need to be supportive, so if she needs to talk she can count on you being there and not being judgemental of her relashionship with him. Its tough to accept something you know more about and something you feel is not right, but try your best to do so for your daughter. Make it "okay" for them to spent time in YOUR house, around YOU or your wife. Thats the best way to be. Try to make him a part of your family, as best you can, so you can keep an eye on her and him together. Goodluck :)
2006-11-27 05:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by jess_n_flip 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly keep her a far away from him as much as possible. When I was 16 that was not a joke, especially since he's 18! She's not legal yet (sorry dad I know you hate this subject) so you can always make sure she's not having sex or he could go to jail. I know how sexually intimidating an older guy can be. Just make sure that you don't scare her because your wife is right she could sneek around, then you would have a bigger problem.
2006-11-27 06:27:55 · answer #7 · answered by SHASHAS=) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want her to be dating him but you cannot just say no either. She is likely to just rebel and see him anyway. You have to be very careful about the way you present your concern to her and make her realize that he is a loser and that is not the direction you want to see her taking. What about rape? In my state, someone over the age of 18 cannot have sex with someone under the age of 18. I am sure you don't want to think about that, but that is definitely a concern for him, unless jail is where he wants to end up anyway. You can ask your daughter what she sees in this guy, and then tell her what you see. Make a conversation out of it, and try to make it seem like you're not just telling her not to do it. She has to make her own decision, or if it's illegal, you could always just press charges against him and have him thrown in jail. Problem solved, but your daugther would hate you for a while. It's a tough situation to call without really knowing your daughter. Oh, and there is always the "get her interested in a better prospect" approach. Try to get her infatuated with the quarterback at her school or something. Good luck!
2006-11-27 05:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're in a lose-lose situation. Honestly, check your state laws first; in most states it's illegal for an 18 year old to date a 16 year old, if they have sex, he could be charged with rape. Talk to your wife about ground rules for her boyfriends, and then make it clear to your daughter that these rules are the rules, no matter who the guy is (things like; if you go out, you have to be in a group, movies are off-limits, only dates are in our home, etc. whatever makes you comfortable.) It is CRUCIAL that you and your wife agree in front of your daughter, and don't argue about it around her. My husband is two years older than me, but we didn't start dating until after I turned eighteen. Be honest with her. Let her know what your issues with the guy are, and remind her that no matter how small her school is, there are always more guys out there.
2006-11-27 05:39:54 · answer #9 · answered by teeney1116 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello! Do you really have to ask this question?!? No, don't let her date him. If she's not sneaky now then your wife is unfairly assuming that she would start. Also, you can't worry about whether or not your daughter will be mad at you or not. You are the parent, NOT her buddy. You need to be the adult here because you know better than she does. This guy, though he may be nice, has no future if he has no diploma/GED. If you don't set the standards higher for your daughter then she won't set them herself. If you want her tied to a loser, jobless, albeit nice guy. The by all means, let her continue to see him.
2006-11-27 05:39:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋