How do I approach a guy at work?

Question

I am married. He is married. We work in seperate offices but for the same company. Everytime we are around each other we flirt very "lightly". He emails me a lot, just to talk, but I would like to go to lunch with him, or get to know him on a more personal level. I dont want to approach him strongly, just something subtel. What do I say to him or how do I approach him? I am not looking to have an affair, just someone to flirt a little with...

Answer 1

Well..I want to answer but I realize I may come across as souning judgemental and pleaes knwo that it's not my intention.

My guess is that he hasn't asked you out to lunch yet becuase he knows he is married and so are you and he doesn't want to offend you. I'd be willing to bet that if you just said "Hey, I'm hungry. Do you want to grab somethign to eat"? he'd go. However, before you do that you shoudl think about all the consequence seriously and then go from there. What if it gives the guy the wrong idea? How would you handle that? What if you think it's still innocent but people start to talk bad about you or you or treat you differently? Is your reputation at work worth being put on the line for some flirting? I dont' know how it is at your work but at mine..people talk about male and female co-workers even talking in the breakroom..but if both of them are married...wow..some people would have a field day starting rumors with that one!

Also, think about this. Now I realize I don't know your husband or how he would react..but if he's ike many..he'd be jealous. Do you want to hurt your husband? Do you want to hurt the guy's wife? Would you flirt with somebody else in your husband's prescence? If not, it's probably best not to do anything you wouldn't do in your husband's presencce behind his back unless you want conflict with your hubby.

Just things to think about. I hear you saying you don't want an affair..but do you know what the guy wants? You'd be in a pretty sticky situation if he read your flirting signals wrong and wanted more then you were ready to provide.

I *do* know it's fun to flirt and be flirted with. I really do but I'd hate to see you hurt your marriage over something that feels harmless.

On a personal level I was feeling pretty bored in my marriage and really wasn't all that happy. We had just had our third baby and I was hormonal from having the baby and sleep deprived..and feeling a teeny, tiny bit resentful toward him because he didn't have to have his body go through this major upheaval..he didn't have to deal with the work problems I was dealing with just because I had a baby..lots of things. He was sleep deprived and working and not really happy with me because I wasn't happy with him. I didn't feel romantic. I didn't feel happy. It was hard. But one day I found my folder of letters from him while we were dating. I dont know if you kept anything from your dating days. But I pulled all the letters my husband sent me during our 2 yr dating phase and it really helped! It helped remind me why I fell in love wiht him. It helped remind me how sweet he was. It reminded me of our days when we couldn't keep our hands off each other and flirted like crazy.

So then I started to flirt with him and all of a sudden I saw smiles from him too. It was kind of fun to flirt with him again. (We have been married for seven years and yes..that kind of dwindles after a while).

Maybe you could try this with yours?

Or just remind yourself why you married your husband. It could help you feel differently.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 2

In my opinion i think the boy should ask out the girl but that is because i am from Chicago and that is what we usually do here but then some relationships are ruined because the guy is to shy or they girl is to shy in my school we have boys and girls and the girls usually talk to the boys and then the girls usually talk among themselves same with the boys. I'm not shure if this helps it might be a little unclear but that is my opinion.

Answer 3

You are looking for an affair, why else would you need to flirt with a married man, at work, go get counselling, be for you betray three people Your husband, his wife, and your employer. Shame on you

Answer 4

Send him an email asking if there are any good restaurants in his area that he can recommend since you like to try new restaurants. Chances are that he will ask if you will be in that area. Then simply suggest a lunch together. If he does not ask, tell him that you will be running an errand in that area and will need to grab a bite there - does he want to join. Good luck.

Answer 5

leave the man alone. You are both married for a reason.