Very much in love - and things seem perfect on the outside. Until now had no doubts this was the man I would marry. Yesterday while at his house, I checked email on his computer and saw and adult personals site in the history. Curiosity got the best of me - and I clicked on it - Only to discover his ad with some very disturbing photos. Says he's looking for women to have fun with. (??Our sex life is fantastic??) If it was old - I maybe could justify it - but now that I know - I checked and he has been active on the site 2 days in a row. What should I do - and how should I confront him? I'm heartbroken and scared - please help!
2006-11-27 05:05:06 · 18 answers · asked by carolinagirl9912 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
JUST LET IT ALL OUT AND LET HIM KNOW WHAT U ACCIDENTIALLY RAN INTO!!! BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM IF HE HAS A GIRL AND HE IS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HAVE FUN WITH HE SHOULD ONLY BE HAVING FUN WITH U!!!! MORE THAN LIKELY HE WILL CHEAT IF HE HAS'NT ALREADY! GOOD LUCK
2006-11-27 05:09:23 · answer #1 · answered by NONE OF UR BIZ!!!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront him about what you saw and that unless he takes the ad down (and any other ad that may be out there) that you'll leave him high and dry. And if he says "I'm just curious", tell him that is also a lie and that maybe he should be a little more open and honest about his feelings for you. If things seem perfect to you, they are most obviously not to him. Time to sit him down and talk openly and candidly, but without yelling, screaming and acting like a child over this. If you know in your gut feeling that he is lying, or if he gets mad that you found his ad, then it's best to let him go before an actual cheating does occur, because that's what it sounds like he is looking for (just he didn't think / know he'd get caught).
2006-11-27 05:09:00 · answer #2 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi i am so glad you posted this.i am going through the same thing only unlike you i have been with him for ten long years.i ve considered him my best friend all this time.i also found out about it after he forgot to clear the history on MY laptop.we have two kids.he travels alot too so you can imagine how i feel.we've lived together all this time.according to his profile he seeks 1on 1 sex, explicit chatting or email and a discreet relationship.he's been a member for months if not years.i confronted him immediately .i do not feel there is anything wrong with looking at what your significant other was looking at on the web. there should be no secrets between two people in a serious relationship.one of the two doesn't consider it as serious and doesn't really love the other if they keep lying and keeping secrets.i am also hurt and broken and further more i think i am in shock.this is a man I've loved for ten long years.i have made up my mind to leave him.
2006-11-30 14:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by tess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid I can only offer you bad advice...
Firstly, you need to accept what has happened - no matter what he says or how much he sugar coats the facts - you have them and you know the truth.
Secondly, this is where I offer the bad avice, It's bad becasue I found out an ex-girlf (real girlf at the time of 1 year) was in contact with annother guy and instead of dumping her straight away, I had alot of fun.
Fun?
How can you have fun? Well, you or one of your most trusted friends can contact him through this advert, tell him what he wants to hear and then depending on what kind of imagination you have you can really take him for a ride. You could tell him to meet 'you' at a certain place and carry a red rose or something, you could tell him to meet you inside a nightclub, you could ...... use your imagination.
If you don't want to lower yourself to his level, just get rid of him - don't even give him a reason, that way he'll be even more confused than you - just tell him you had a dream about him cheating or something.
Good luck!
2006-11-27 05:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's my advice...
First off, do _not_ jump to conclusions. It only leads to missunderstandings and heartache.
Next, find out just what his intentions are without giving him the chance to deny it, by playing his game; what I mean is...
Create some fake profile on that site, and contact him yourself, using some fake name. See if he gets flirtatious, and if so, meet up with him at some discrete location. When he goes there and finds YOU, he will have absolutely no excuse. At that time, dump him.
Also, expose him as a cheater on the website.
... but if when you contact him he says something like.... sorry, I have a gf, then you should be overjoyed to know he really is faithful to you and the site was just for amusement or something.
2006-11-27 06:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by oldneuro 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely have the right to confront him- your actions weren't exactly right, but you obviously found evidence that lead you to take the action you did. If he is posting his ad on the sites, who knows what he has already done, or is thinking about doing. If you are sexually active with this man and he is cheating, think about what he could pass on to you without your knowledge. There has definitely been a violation of trust, or at least he perameters of your expectations in the relationship. Are you committed and if so, what are the guidelines to your monogamy?
2006-11-27 05:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by soberlunatic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should determine his intentions and make your personal opinion regarding an open lifestyle known to him.
You're going to have to contend with questions regarding your investigation of this situation -- and that should not dissuade you.
Confrontation ? No. Discussion and mutual understanding are in order that you may know where you stand and what lay before you.
If you find what you know disturbing all you can do is make it known and decide if it's a terminal event in your relationship.
2006-11-27 05:12:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! First, you are in deep trouble for snooping into his private life. But then, he's dead-meat for cheating (yep, it's cheating) on you.
Confess what you did, tell him what you found, and be prepared to walk away from the "perfect" relationship that has always been horribly flawed.
2006-11-27 05:08:23 · answer #8 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him you know about his personal ad on the adult web site and that you found it accidently and ask him what gives. if you don't like his answer or don't feel you can trust him anymore then its time for you to find a new boyfriend
2006-11-27 05:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that a friend saw him on the site. If he says what friend tell him it was me. seriously. Oh how do i know what yall look like, say we are comp pals and stuff. Then approach him. Email me if you need to. I will help you if i can.
2006-11-27 05:09:16 · answer #10 · answered by Thebronx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋