on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the cruelest, what would you rate this at?

Question

My teenager daughter's grades have gone down hill since 6th grade and she is now a freshman, she says she wants to go to college but doesn't show it in her actions toward school. I have tried many types of punishments to get her to improve, but now I am finally going to take away all her clothing and go to the goodwill and get her a new wardrobe of just plain clothes, nothing that's close to what the children are wearing now, I'm going to get her jeans and shirts a size or two bigger than what she wears,she will look like the outcast instead of one of the "in" girls. I'll let you know how it works out, she has got to get it together and I am a very supportive single parent,I am open and she is not......

Answer 1

Totaly not cruel! Not quite the way i would go about it but then again im not really raising a teen. I was however a troubled one. Me and my mom battled. I failed my first classes my first year of high school and me and my mom did not get along at all. She tried many many things and i laughed at her. I took her punishments and it didnt change a thing in my behavior. I really hope this works for you though! And honeslty you might hurt her ego this week but unlike how some others feel i highly doubt she is going to be cast out of her " in crowd" (she isnt dressing like that by choice) and she wont be depressed in the future and need heavy therapy when she is older all because you took her clothes away. lol. at least your taking action! How many parents these days arent involved at all!!! So many could just care less so yay to you for being an involved and caring parent! let your daughter know how much you care though, she wont see it now but keep reinforcing it : )

Answer 2

I don't know about cruel but I don't think that is right either. When I was a teenager and my grades slipped my parents took my bedroom door off the hinges and everything out of my room except my bed and desk. I had no privacy. I hated it more than anything. As far as the clothes thing goes I wouldn't buy her anymore of the stuff she would normally buy if she needs something a plain pair of blue jeans and a plain tee shirt will do just fine. I think buying a whole new wardrobe is a bit much I would try the door thing first.

Answer 3

I understand that you are probably at your wit's end trying to get her to improve her grades. However, making her into a social outcast will definitely NOT help this situation. It will only stress her out (teenagers do not cope with social stress and embarrassment the same way adults do, they just are too hormonal and immature to handle it well), and cause her to withdrawal. I highly doubt she will decide to start concentrating on school more just because she looks like a freak.

Perhaps your daughter is struggling rather than just not trying. Maybe you could look into a tutor or some other form of after school help. I would take away privileges and such instead as a consequence. Please don't embarrass your daughter that way, it could really backfire on you and harm your relationship with her as well/

Answer 4

Your only making it worse not only are you taking away her confidence but also making her grades gonna get worse. thats a horrible punishment. If you want her to get her grades up there is a much easier solutions.

Here is a solution I have came up with
Buy her an organisor call all of her teachers have a confrence make it clear that she is to write down all of her assignments and then have the teachers sign it and make her bring it home every day with her books and homework. Have her spend an hour on homework then check it after she gets done and if she dont have all of it done and right give her two days grounding and make her redo it all over again. Then have the teachers sign it again to show she turned it in.

But whatever you do dont destroy any confidance she has because your not doing your job as a parent to make her do her homework.

HOPE THAT HELPED A BUNCH AND I HOPE YOU TAKE MY ADVISE

Answer 5

Cruel? I don't know. Do I think it is it right? No.

Whether she is an outcast or "in"--she'll continue getting poor grades if you do not step up and help her out. This means getting in contact with her teachers. Ask them all to give you a syllabus so you have an idea of what she's doing in school. This way you are aware of what's going on with school even if she doesn't talk to you. Sit down with her to do her homework--I know it's time consuming but parenting isn't about convenience. Explain to her in a calm matter your concern. Create a plan together to achieve better grades. Most students who get poor grades in school get them because they do not turn in their homework. Does she understand that? It's important that you work together now. I'm afraid if you take such drastic measures she'll end up rebelling--getting poor grades in spite of you. I know it's hard but hang in there. I know your intentions are good but please really think about all the possibilities when doing that--the positive AND the negative. Best of luck!

Answer 6

As long as her clothes are appropriate for the weather and there are enough, this punishment isn't really cruel, but she will think it is.
I think that this punishment is pointless. It doesn't seem to fit the situation. How will making her feel like a social outcast help her grades? It may make her feel depressed, making her grades drop further.
You may want to reconsider your idea for punishment. What you need to help your daughter understand is that self-discipline will help her get further in life. A more appropriate approach may be to remove all the privledges that are her biggest wastes of time, (like TV, phone time, going out on schoolnights, after-school activities, etc.) until her grades improve. Explain that you are removing those time-wasters because she needs to spend time on schoolwork, and that as grades improve, priveledges will be re-instated one at a time. Let her choose the order in which they will be re-instated so she has something to work towards. Be very clear of exactly what will be required to get that priveledge back, like "All core subjects at a C to get phone, All subjects at C to get TV, core subjects at B to get friday nights out, etc." Write it all out, like a contract, both of you sign it, and post it in the place where she does her homework. Then the hardest part-follow through, and NO EXCEPTIONS!

Answer 7

You are taking the wrong approach! She needs incentive, not discouragement. Make an appointment with the school's guidance counselor and go with your daughter. The counselor will explain how important grades are, especially when applying for college scholarships or financial aid.

Bribe her with one item of clothing or an accessory for every A she achieves, and treat her to dinner or to a movie whenever her grades improve. If education becomes a positive experience, she will thrive in school!

Answer 8

Are you sure you're not setting her up for a huge drop in confidence and emotional problems. If taking away all her clothes makes her lose her status in school and with her friends, you could be hurting her more than you think. You may look at it as the ideal way to get her to concentrate on the important things, but to her, becoming a social outast could end up just taking away her will to do anything, and could lead to depression.

Answer 9

far out, i'm sure you're really a good mom but you need to work on your teenager-disciplining skills!

you're putting too much focus on the problem and not enough on the solution. if this is how you do things in your household, she'll run away from you someday. don't make her work against you... do something that she'll work with you!

are you really 'open'? open and supportive mothers do it differently. rather than being controlling and demanding daughter to do something about her grades, open and supportive mothers LISTEN. they sit daughter down at a table for a woman-to-woman talk and allow daughter to speak what she really feels, or sit silent and let mother read her feelings. open and supportive mothers listen; they don't react or jump to conclusions or interrupt their daughters.

OPEN HER EYES! ask your daughter these 4 golden questions:
-"why do you want to go to college?"
-"why is going to college important for you?"
-"if you don't get into college, what would be the consequence?"
-"why would that worry you"
but most importantly, let HER speak the answer. never answer the question for her or correct her or put words in her mouth if she's to slow. as long you're the one making the statement, even if it's right, as far as she's concerned it's your idea and not hers and don't dream that she'll agree with you. let HER be the one doing the talking, then you can hold her accountable because it's her idea and not yours.

here's a translation of those 4 golden questions
*"why do you want to go to college?": "why must you study hard, get good grades, get disciplined and not fool around as much?"
*"why is it important for you to get into college?" : "tell me again in greater detail why it is important for you to be serious with school now."
*"what is the consequence..." : "tell me, if you don't pay it forward and study hard now, get disciplined now, what kind of a future are you going to have?"
*"why would that worry you?" : "great, why do you have to study now and get disciplined?"

then figure out why she isn't studying as hard now; why does she prefer to do things that only steer her focus away from getting good grades in school. then ask her what things would motivate her to study better and use a reward system. for example, she prefers staying up late watching movies to studying for her chemistry test. you buy her DVDs that present chemistry in creative and thrilling manner and make this deal with her: she watches half an hour of the DVD per day and read x-number of pages in her book or make x-number of flash cards to memorise formulas/terminology etc, and if she gets that done by 9 PM she gets a little treat or time for TV/internet/phone etc. If she achieves the goal 5 nights a week, she gets to go out with friends to a party, a treat at the salon, or a shopping trip. make studying fun! it's a bit more work but it's effective. WHAT IS MEASURED IMPROVES.

when you LISTEN, you pick up messages that may have been there for years but you never noticed because you were too busy talking about how things ought to be like from your point of view.

by the way, don't force your daughter to do well on ALL subjects. find out what she likes--even if it's an "unimportant" subject like music, sports, or outdoor ed--it may be the most important subject to her! and build her up on that.

finally, be patient and expect. you can't change your daughter only in a matter of weeks--as a matter of fact you can't change your daughter at all. but you can put salt in the horse's throat to make it drink. it'll only be a matter of time that she'll get her act together. also, EXPECT that she will change and let her know. Practice this line : "You will get an A for history at the end of the semester. I believe you can, and you will also come to believe that you can if you just read 10 minutes in the morning and 10 at night every day. That's not hard. You can do it, I believe in you, and you go get that A."

Answer 10

i would rate it as a 5 meaning go for it parent here ive done the same thing she needs to get into a continuation school so she can pull up her credits and grades dont know if you know this but kids can move up to their right grades but still have low credits which would mean they are in the 9th grade based on their credits but the schools put them in the 11th grade where they belong you need to check her credits out frequently put her in a school where she dont know anyone i say continuation because she can pull up her credits faster or have her do home studies its good as well then you just get stricter on her free time until she gets it together gl