I'm feeling depressed. Make me laugh?

Question

I'll mail a $20 check to the person with the funniest joke.

Answer 1

There was this guy who had just died and went to hell. When he got there he was greated by the devil and told he had to find a job in hell because he could live for free, So the devil gave the man a tour. The first one was a job where he had to burn people and take off there skin, and the other one was a girl giving head. He told the devil he wanted that job. So the devil told the girl you can go now. He was the one who had to give head instead of the girl giving him head.

Answer 2

A young man is walking along the beach in California and is contemplating life and all its mysteries. He stops and looks up at the sky and asks, "God, if you truly exist show us a sign so that all men will know your greatness."

God looks down from the heavens and says to the man in his barritone voice, "What would you have me do so that man will believe I exist?"

The young man stops and thinks for a moment and retorts, "If you build a highway from this beach to Hawii no one could ever doubt your power, for no man could ever do that in ten lifetimes."

God responds "But surely there must be something easier to convince man that I am truly divine without creating such a monstosity."

The young man thinhks a moment longer and says, "Well maybe you could explain something to me. I want you to help me better understand women."

God is silent for a few minutes as the man waits patiently for a response when God finally says, "So do you want this highway to be two lanes or four?

Answer 3

That sucks. I'm not good with jokes. Oh well.... Now I'm depressed.

Answer 4

how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?...................put him in a microwave untill he's bill withers.