Should I kick my girlfriend to the curb?

Question

We met 10 months ago and hit if off right away. Everything was very promsing.

Then she told me she was returning to her religion, Jehovah's Witnesses, and that we can't have pre-marital sex. So we just fooled around alot and I was okay with that.

Then a fellow female JW moved in with her, and suddenly I wasn't allowed to stay over. Now we're fooling around less and less each month.

Now someone from her congregation saw us together and warned her that we're not supposed to be together without a chapperone. So, we've only talked on the phone for the past week.

So, in the beginning, it was just the two of us and I was happy. Then, she invited "Jehovah" into our relationship at it was okay. Then, she invited her JW friend into our relationship and it was tolerable. Now, she's invited her entire congregation into our relationship and it's unacceptable.

Should I kick her to the curb and move on, or stick around and see how much worse things get?

Answer 1

Well, it depends on why you're with her.

If you're with her for the sex, better move on, because she's made a decision, that her religious beliefs are important to her and she's going to honor them. You don't have to agree with her, but staying with her is going to mean respecting her beliefs, and her right to live by them.

If there are other reasons to be with her, then you talk to her, you tell her that you respect her right to her own beliefs, but you also have yours, and you need to find a way to make the relationship work for both of you. Calmly, you tell her what's not working for you ("I really feel the need to spend time alone with you, without a third person listening to everything we say. If we go out in public places, like movies and restaurants, would that work?").

If her religious beliefs say that, as an unmarried person, she shouldn't be around a member of the opposite sex without a chaperone, end of story, then she's probably going to stick to that - or break it, and feel guilty. In order to be with her, you'll either have to accomodate her religious beliefs, or argue constantly - so is she important enough to you to go with the flow?

If not, then you need to find someone whose beliefs are compatible with your own.

Answer 2

If you have no interest in learning and studying about JW's and thier beliefs. Then I would recommend that you break it off now and not lead this girl on.

I know first hand, I am a JW and loved a girl and it was getting serious and she knew about my high morals and no sex before marriage and she accepted that but she didn't know much about the religion. So I tried talking about it to her but she didn't want to be persuaded into a religion (she was never raised with religion) and I understood that so I didn't push. Well she looked into it and got a bunch of BS anserws from the internet and friends. Totally false answers at that and she basically dumped me for no other reason than I was a JW. I know I shouldn't have persued her being that it says to marry only in the lord but its not easy when you have known someone and have been fond of them for years.

I'm not young either I.m 32 and she was really my only true love. This happend in the last 6 months. So I would say if you have no interest don't lead her on just end it. Even though if you studid and were interested in learning about jw's it would be the best thing you ever did.

But I still think and care for the girl all the time. And worry about her future.

Answer 3

Hang in there, thats probably what she expects you to do. I dont know how the jehovah witness tradition is done but maybe she needs to seperate herself for a while to become truly dedicated and you might be the distraction. Its not your fault your the distraction, its just that your a extreme temptation to her and she feels that she has to be strong enough in religion before this relationship continues. Dont worry about her friend or congregation. People tend to lay heavy burdens on their friends or members lover, especially if he/she is not a Jehovah witness.You know how people get over-religious and tend to condemn the person that is not as dedicated as them. Maybe that's what you and her are experiencing. You just gotta be strong and show her that its ok and you agree with her decision.

Answer 4

Its up to you to decide on what is tolerable, then verbalize your feelings to your lady to see if a compromise can be made. If no compromise can be made, then it is time to move on. If you truly are in love with her and are willing to wait until marriage, and are able to accept all that she brings to the relationship, good and bad, then the relationship is worth salvaging.

If it was me, I'd probably bail. I'm not religious and don't want to get married. Thankfully I have found a partner who has the same beliefs as me and we are happy together.

Answer 5

It is very difficult for a Jw and a non JW to be together, it really is not worth it. I would suggest you leave her. However, if you really love her try to get her to see that the religion is untrue.

Visit www.jwfacts.com and jehovah-witness.com to get some ideas on what to say to her.

Answer 6

gosh!!! U must be really upset! I totally understand you trying to tolerate her religious but it's pulling to apart!!!

Don't kick her to the curb yet though. Start letting her call you, don't call her. She will eventually get tired of calling and not seeing you. This is basically letting the relationship wear off. Then when you guys become distant enough, tell her that your relationship has changed and you think it's best that you both move on....


good luck :-)

Answer 7

I'd say move on. If you're not willing to deal with the religious crap that goes along with being a Jehovah's Witness, then there's no reason to make yourself miserable.

Answer 8

The Scriptures clearly instruct a true worshipper to marry only another true worshipper.

(Exodus 23:32) You are not to conclude a [marriage or other] covenant with them or their gods.

(Deuteronomy 7:3) And you must form no marriage alliance with [unbelievers]. Your daughter you must not give to his son, and his daughter you must not take for your son.

(1 Corinthians 7:39) She is free to be married to whom she wants, only in the Lord.

(Nehemiah 13:25) You should not give your daughters to [the unbeliever's] sons, and you should not accept any of their daughters for your sons or yourselves.

(2 Corinthians 6:14) Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.


The Scriptures also warn against elevating human desires above godly teachings.

(2 Thessalonians 2:1-3) We request of you not to be quickly shaken from your reason... Let no one seduce you in any manner

(Romans 16:17-18) Keep your eye on those who cause ... stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them. ...by smooth talk and complimentary speech they seduce the hearts of guileless ones.

(2 Timothy 4:3-5) For there will be a period of time when they will not put up with the healthful teaching, but, in accord with their own desires, they will accumulate teachers for themselves to have their ears tickled... You, though, keep your senses in all things, suffer evil, do the work of an evangelizer, fully accomplish your ministry.

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/19990215/article_01.htm

Answer 9

I would say either change your ways to meet her or it will not work. I don't think that I could change so I would kick her to the curb. The sooner you do it, the better it will be. Waiting hoping thing will change will only make it harder in the long run.

Answer 10

Do you want to marry this girl? If you do, remember you'll be marrying her religion, too. If you are only interested in her for a short-term relationship, or sex alone, it might be best to move on. You can find someone who is more compatible with your morals, and so can she. You might both be happier. Good luck.