Now that I have a ring, not much effort is being shown!?

Question

My boyfriend of one year moved in together about 2 months ago. 3 weeks ago on vacation, he proposed. Now that we're engaged he seems to have stopped trying at everything...he doesn't help me clean or do anything around the house. He stopped going grocery shopping with me, etc.
We both work full-time, but he acts as if we have traditional gender roles. I'm feeling overwhelmed, and when I tried to tell him how I'm feeling or ask that he helps me a little more, he acts as if I shouldn't be complaining or that my feelings are trivial. I like taking care of the house and cooking, but it's too much with a full-time job.
I feel that now that I have an engagement ring, he acts as if he doesn't have to try anymore. Is he just taking advantage of the situation? I don't want to change him. And if thats how he is, it will be worse in 20 years. Should I try to tell him again, then if he doesn't start helping dump him? Or should I take this as a clue and run?!

I'm not ready to give up my career to stay at home without children, so that's out of the question. I'm retarded for moving in with him...because I agree: why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free. I'm only 24...we all make mistakes, I just don't want mine to end in divorce. I'll go on strike and distance myself, if after I talk to him and nothing changes I'll move out in a month. It's obvious he's not going to change, and if this is the "real" him..I'll pass and not be so easy next time.

Answer 1

As a guy, I think you should take it as a clue and run. Realize that you share part of the responsibility for this fiasco. I doubt he never gave any indication of this sort of character flaw before you started giving it up without a commitment. Cut your losses and run, and learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them. Best of luck.

Answer 2

Be thankful that you are not married and now is the time to make a break. If he is acting as if you should not be complaining, then things are not going to get any better once married; if fact, I would bet they will become worse. Part of an equal partnership is being sensitive to your partner's needs. It does not appear as if you have this quality in your partner. I think you need to tell him that if things don't change, then you will have to make some changes and move out.

Answer 3

Dont rush into any conclusion now.Just wait and watch for few more days until you are sure enough to either stay or dump him.If he continues the same episode for few more days in future,then you know what to do,just dump him.But if he shows that he still care for you in the days to come then give him a chance and stay.So just give him sometime and see what happens.If he still treats you the way he does now,then just be happy that you came to know the real person that your man is before commiting to him further.Just imagine you are lucky that you know what he truely is before marraige,otherwise you will be wasting so many years of your life by marrying this guy who is a loser.God Bless.

Answer 4

Sad to say but if you feel this way now things are not going to get better. He seems to be acting like now that he has you his part is over....He might be a guy that you never thought you knew. You have to think about this and make sure he is the one for you. If I were you I would give him back his ring and tell him that I cant marry someone who treats me this way. C-Ya!.....If he isn't willing to try to understand your feelings now what makes you think things will change once your married.....

Answer 5

definatli talk to him about it! he may not even realize he is doing it! Maybe he thinks touching you and hugging you or saying sweet things to you is showing his love and appreciation, but you'd rather him help you a little every now and then to show it...u just have to figure each other out! you definatli shouldn't just take as a hint and run...he obviousli loves u, and i'm sure u love him too, and if you care about him as a person, you'll tell him the truth! He'll want to change, u won't be forcing him to! Good luck! :]]

Answer 6

Let him know that being in a relationship is a 50/50 thing. Let him know that you feel overwhelmed and you need him to help you a bit.Be there for each other. You help him out too when he looks a Little stressed about things.Don't let this get into a yelling thing, talk it out. Make sure you let him know that you really need him to be there for you.I'm sure he'll understand. Don't let this ruin your love,e there's always a solution. good luck

Answer 7

You should tell him this and that since he isn't helping around the house you will be more then happy to quit your job to be a full time housewife, that way you won't be overwhelmed.

But I would definitely take that as an indication of how he will be in the future.

Answer 8

Try talking to him.
....If he chooses not to help, don't do it for him. for instance: If he refuses to pick up after himself or help with the laundry. don't do it for him.
If he has his own bathroom and refuses to clean it, don't do it for him. If you share a bathroom, take care of your own things.
I am sure you get the picture. Don't fight and argue about these things, just give him the opportunity to do his part. If he doesn't "get the drift" now, I'm sure that it will be the same after you marry. It's better to know now, what you will be dealing with, while you still have a choice.

Answer 9

it's pretty common for men to try harder during courtship.
then once the 'prize' is won, they don't think they have to put effort forward. it's a misconception but common among men.
you need to talk about all of this with him.
if he is no longer someone you want to marry, then you will have to end it.
of course you might also consider that he is having second thoughts about the engagement.

Answer 10

if i were you..i would run even sprint :D but yeh thats a bad thing guys do after they propose and put some shiny ring on ur finger..think again and talk this over and over but if no change then yeah just move