Please help my daughter?

Question

Less than a month ago, her boyfriend kicked her out of the house because he was either messing around on her or thinking about it. At very least he was lying to her and she figured it out, conforted him with her doubts which he eventally told her he didn't know if he loved her or the other girl.

About a week or so ago, she moved back in and today I find out that she and him are now making wedding plans. I am mortified, I know he is a liar, and at least a mental cheater if not a cheater and I am scared she is really fixing to mess up her life.

Please post as if you were talking straight to her, she won't listen to me or her older sister and I am hoping that someone will be able to get through to her. I plan to let her read your answers and leave my mouth out of it.

Please share horror stories you have had or advise her. She really really needs some help NOW!

They were together for three and a half years. They have lived together for 3 years. She is 21 years old. She doesn't have very much self confidence at all.

The last time I saw him he was complaining that he couldn't make her happy. She wants him to spend time with her and all he wan'ts to do is work and then ride four wheelers or fish.

She has complained to most everyone else that he doesn't spend time with her and he is out of town Sunday night through Friday.

I think she is really setting herself up for a huge fall.

Answer 1

You need to talk to her. My advice would be to watch like 3 hours of Dr. Phil take notes and use some of those on your daughter. Only you can talk to her, save her from a life of pain and abuse.

Answer 2

Ok first of all an age would be great, depending on how old this girl is tells alot
First of all do you really belive in this guy do you see yourself with him for the rest of your life, if the answer is no then you might want to slow down and think about the whole marriage thing, you dont have to marry this guy, and that dosent mean you cant be with him cuz you can, i have been with my fiance' for 6 years now we have 2 wonderful children and we are still not married, why you ask because he has a lot of growing up to do and I will not marry him untill he does. It's the worst thing in the country now a days you see so many people getting married at such a young age and what happens in the end? Divorce is about 60% now a days. So really think about it you dont have to be married to be together. Good Luck

Answer 3

i know exactly the mental mind games that can be played for my husband whom i am now seperated from. If only i had not been so insecure to have married him out of desperation thinking that would make him only be with me and no one else! i even questioned his faithfullness the same day we paid for us to be married downtown where we live. He asked me if that meant we were married yet? And he then repeated that doesn't mean were married yet right? A few months before that he had cheated on me with his ex.
So we were having issues cause of that. But then i realized that he was cheating on me with a co-worker of his. She knew he had a wife (me) & she didn't care. She was Bi-sexual so you could imagine the attention she got @ work bragging about something like that. I even found a dirty explicit note that she wrote and slipped it to him @ work one day and that fell out of his pocket and i found it in my car. He totally denied it being his. Also on another occasion we had went to his work on a saturday morning where we could use the gym. Anyhow we were both feeling like being naughty and so we went into the girls bathroom and why when we walked in did i get the feeling that he had been in there before. he walked in like he knew where he was going, checked out the place cause the bathrooms were big with a extra room filled with locker's complete w/ shower's as well. i totally felt this feeling in my gut that he had been there before because of his willingness with no hesitation and because he seemed to have no fear in walking around in there scoping it out. And then i started putting things together that that's probley where him and his slut of a co-worker would go during hours of work to go have quikies! It effen sucks. i somehow knew everything without even being told. So pretty much i thought if we got married then he would abide by the rules of that and only be with me; no that's not what happened. It just put us in a whole other category of problems. The problems get even worser and worser. we were married at 22 & 23 now im going to be 26. It totally wasn't worth going through all that i did with him. Seriously it damaged my innocense of being a kind gentle woman. Now he ruined it for all the other guys that may be kind hearted and i might turn down or possibley will not have time for because guess what now i have a 2 year old from the guy who isn't even around to help support our child with love and nurishment. Not even money i ask for just fathers presence in son's life and father can't even forfill that option he could have tooken in actually becoming a man. How pitifull is that that he thinks he has a choice; doesn't even take the intiative of being a dad. In the end over all love wasn't even enough to make us stay together it didn't mean anything. Being crushed time after time again is going to get old real quick. i hope i gave you some in-sight. I have been through a whole lot more physical altercations with my ex-husband as in a result of us arguing over old affairs, once that trust was broken it was never mended back together. I always alwyas always thought and eventually found out about him cheating on me, there was a total of about 5 that i know of and just think of all the others i never knew about because when he would cheat on me he would simply ignore me. wouldn't hear from him for about 2 weeks maybe a month. So if you want to save yourself from years of bull shiat get rid of him he's not the only dude with a penis!

Answer 4

You didn't say how old your daughter was, so I am assuming she is of age. I realize you don't want her to make a big mistake but ya know what mom, they are going to do what they want no matter what ANYBODY says. It's called "Learning from HER mistakes". I know this is not what you wanted to hear but its true. My daughter is now 32 and was married twice. I tried to tell her what a mistake she was making, especially the first time, but oh no, she says, "but mom, you just don't understand, I love him and I know I can help him change". Well, needless to say, it didn't last a year, thank goodness no kids were born to them. Anyway, now my daughter is a smart independent single woman who is taking her time to find Mr. Right and she actually told me she wished she had listened to me. But she wouldn't have learned the lesson she has grown from if she hadn't experienced what she did. I know, we love them and don't want them to have to go through anything bad, but.......It's their decision. Good Luck!

Answer 5

You can't exactly make her listen to her. Only she can make her own decisions. She is a grown woman, they all think they know EVERYTHING at whatever age she is at. My brother is 20 and he's a jerk! He thinks he's invincible, which is a joke. just tell her you'll always be there for her, even when her boyfriend files divorce. She'll learn eventually, they all do.

She'll come crawling back, begging you to take her back in when her boyfriend kicks her out again.

Answer 6

Well I haven't exactly been in this type of situation, but I knew someone. Honestly if he's going to even think about getting with another girl then it's a little obvious that he has or is going to. He doesn't care about your feelings, he looks at you as the girl that he'll have no matter what he does to you. He's abusing your relationship and he doesn't care. You should leave and teach him a lesson. If you leave and he chases after you,then give it another try. But, if you leave and he doesn't even call, then it just goes to show that he doesn't care about you!!
Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 7

i was in a relationship that was much the same .it lasted for 8yrs three kids later to find out he had a hole family just out side of town it was a mess i put up with so much crap from him for nothing .....and the dumb part about it was i could have avoided the hole thing because he had told me he like this other girl before we got married and i thought i was going to be his one and only and change his mind so when we got married i felt like wow this is my man .............well my man was also her man and her babies daddy for the whole 8yrs ......he played us stupid ......while we sat back and thought we had it good ..........its not worth it if he kick you out once because you step up and told him you thought he was cheating that only shows you there that he dose not like when you have your own opinions or voice them out ............truly this can become a bigger problem ......think before you act because with marriage comes kids and its harder to watch them go through crap rather than your self ......good luck be smart

Answer 8

Baby girl. I am 43 years old. And I have a controlled history. Controlled? What I mean by that is that every situation I have been in I allowed. Other than a few. Those I will not mention here. However listen up. I have been married 4 times. Of the 4 times in every one of them I was not only mentally but physically abused. I have had all but my legs broken by those men. Only the first never broke bones. The rest did more damage than most could know. Like what is being done to you now!. Take heed.I was lucky to have lived and honestly faced the reaper twice over because of it. Do me a favor. I know you think you love him. But the first time he hits you think of me. And know I walked away.after that! I so never wanted to see that a person who supposeably loved me so could hurt me so badly. He was great at convincing me that no one else loved me more like he could. Please! Not just mentally which seems easier than physically but is so not. I live in pain every day over it. Physically you heal dependant upon how severe you were injured. Mentally it leaves something you live with for the rest of your life. . When you fear for your life in a life or death situation and or you are just afraid to go to sleep know this!. I know you have either come close or faced it! If you don't get out you will be irreperably hurt or killed before all is said and done.And know you will put your families lives at risk. Don't think for a moment that that does'nt follow! Is your responsibility to love you first. No one but you! And you will find when you do that no one can ever do that to you again. You are showing everyone that you do not love or respect yourself. You can't change anyone but yourself. He is treating you like trash. And everyone else sees that but you. Now wise up. For you and any future children you have. If you do not you and your children have a very miserable life ahead. I know you would never wish that on a defenseless baby or child! Just because you wouldn't stand up for yourself. And not the way I had to! One that you will not want to live. And when you become a mother. God help you girl. Better yet the babies. Because while you may not be empowered now. When your child comes you will be then. And I so hope that you are not a woman in prison a while from now. They not only lost their lives they lived through hell. They lost their kids for the rest of their lives. And their kids sad to say have a mother they lost. But also knew when their mother wasn't willing to stand that she was the one to blame! Yes. I lived this. I am so not proud. I don't like to admit to it. But if it helps another life then all was not lost. You can do this. And you know it. Do it. Step up to the plate and let him know you are beautiful and that he is the loser. In more ways than one! Please respect your family more than what you are. You may think this is not their business. But loving you is one of the greatest joys they have ever owned. Don't take that away from them or you. Respect! .They will be there for you when no one else will be. Especially if you put yourself at that risk. Do this girl. I would wish you luck. But you don't need that. You are headstrong. That shows. But know that others around you see what you do not. Love is blind girl. Especially your own! You have what you need. Loving family and friends. They show you this. Shut out everything in your life that does not show love toward you. There are more ways to walk the road of hell than you could know. And you do not want to see the tragedy. Not at your expense. Much less your childrens or your loved ones now. Or later! Please follow up and let us all know you where you are 6 months from now. I challenge you! It's a b**** to look for love in all the wrong places. Love will find you. After you find yourself! Post Script. I have a great life and so do my children. I will not tolerate losers like what I have been around. My children never suffered once over them. Because I walked. Even when I was afraid to breathe. And a few times silently!.Just to save my life. I did it for me. God didn't place you here to live a life of hell!. Nor those to come after you!

Answer 9

i was in the same position that you are in and i had two pretty daughters with this man.he was out cheating on me and i didn't know people was telling me and i didn't listen cause i loved him until one day i caught him and i confronted him.don't marry him cause if he is cheating on you now he will cheat on you when your married.if you marry him you are going to mess you life up.

Answer 10

No way in the world could we decide one way or another. Your daughter may just have to make her own mistakes. Maybe they got over whatever the hangup was. If YOU can't talk to her, neither can we.