Survival Instinct?

Question

Since the seperation from my husband of 24 years I have been having lots of problems coping with life.

I see a therapist twice a month and am on anti depressants. I have been having suicidal thoughts for two months.

I finally have the means and the time in which to implement my plan but my survival instinct is getting in my way and it's ticking me off. It feels like 95% of me wants to move on to a hopefully better place but that blasted 5% keeps me grounded here.

The fact I am posting this to strangers speaks of my distorted thought process. I have friends too which I can reach out but I can't force myself to do it. Yes, I have tried countless times.

It is within my nature to hope and this glimmer of something good coming from all of this keeps me going day to day. Combined with my ability to survive I am not able to determine EXACTLY what I want to do. I feel like a suicide reject.

Can anyone offer something that may help?

Answer 1

first off, i'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. after 24 yrs of marriage, it's only natural to feel "stuck." part of you is still looking for the day-to-day life you used to have...as in your daily routine. it's turned all upside down for the moment.
don't beat yourself up. break things down into smaller chunks that you can handle, and see results from each day...baby steps...one foot in front of the other, even if you have to do this a minute at a time. whatever you need to do to move forward, is still moving forward even if it's an inch at a time. make lists of what you want to accomplish each day, and do what you can to get them done. you might feel like joining a women's support group. it can be very helpful to hear how others' got over the "hump" of moving on.
very best of luck to you luvie, you'll get there!!

Answer 2

The only help required is a better therapist or a psychiatrist. You have your health, your home, your ability to make a better life yet you contemplate ending it because you are hitting a struggle. Wake up!

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

You think you're the only one with problems in life? Are you the only person who divorced? I suggest you visit the childrens ward at your local hospital. Talk to the children who have terminal illnesses, disfigurements, amputated and so on. What you'll realize (providing you keep an open mind and remove your self pity status for awhile) is the upbeat emotions and personalities radiating from these children. They haven't lived life, and yet, they are filled with hope and love. They may never have the chance to experience a fraction of a life you most likely had. These kids woulnd't think about ending their own lives. They would rather live it and fulfill their dreams. Dreams which can be accomplished at any age.

Then I suggest you volunteer for charitable organizations or your church or both. The key is helping others who are less fortunate than you and realizing how fortunate you really have it.

Answer 3

It's sad when a relationship ends but it also opens a window for more adventure in life. You just aren't looking through this window.

Suicide will hurt so many people. Your family, your friends. Children will never get over this, whether yours or others who know you.

If you can't reach out to a friend, only strangers, then call a suicide hotline. Call 1-800-SUICIDE or go to SuicideHotlines.com.

People go on when they lose a spouse to death. You need to go on in spite of this man leaving. Things happen for a reason, be it God/Karma/Fate. You need to give life a chance to see what this reason is. Maybe there is someone out there that needs you more than your husband ever could.

There are so many little things in life to enjoy. A snowflake, an awesome sunset, watching a child eat ice cream. Savor the little things. Get involved in other interests so you don't focus so much on yourself. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, habitat for humanity, a hospital. People with so little hope struggle to life. Please don't through your life away.

Please don't stop your adventure through life short. Run ahead through this sad part and move on to better times. Enjoy every second. But most of all, you need to talk to someone, so you can get back to being YOU!

Answer 4

I tried suicide once, I had convinced myself that it was the only solution. 35 years later, I am a happy,love every moment of every day kinda guy.
Just imagine the worst situation that you could ever possibly be in, double that,then triple it, then if you were not here how could you ever share the knowledge and wisdom that you learned of that experience.
You are gonna die, of that I have no doubts, why rush the inevitable.
I put on a happy face, I remembered what it was like as a kid on my first pony ride, and moved on. We all have a crisis in life or of life, some choose suicide, some don't. Most all have thought of it. You have to allow yourself to be happy again.

Answer 5

You can't avoid change, but you can learn to cope.

Encourage yourself. Remind yourself that you've survived many other changes and you'll make it through this one, too. Build your self-esteem to strengthen your adaptability to future changes

Stay strong. Keep your stress level under control. Try relaxation techniques, and remember the importance of proper nutrition and regular exercise. As always, check with your doctor before beginning an exercise program. Don't turn to unhealthy habits such as smoking, alcohol, drugs or overeating for comfort. You may only add guilt to your stress -- and put your health at risk

Be realistic. Take an honest look at how the change will impact your life. Put any unrealistic fears into perspective, and focus your energy on moving beyond your fears

Focus on the positive. Focusing on the negative aspects of change may prevent you from seeing the positives. Likewise, seeing yourself as a victim of change may make it more difficult to adjust. Instead, concentrate on the good that may come out of the change. Think of it as a positive challenge, and look for specific steps you can take to ease the adjustment

Read these books: Stress: Coping with everday problems." National Mental Health Association

"Stress: How to Cope Better With Life's Challenges." American Academy of Family Physicians. http://familydoctor.org/167.xml

Answer 6

The Soul, or what most call Soul, is constant in expression. What makes apparent change is the degree of ego covering that Pure Expression. As we unlearn & uncover that which has always been our True expression, what we appear to manifest in the illusion as personality will change as less & less misconceptions & illusions of Self cloud & manipulate our Innocence. The survival instinct is of the ego or world mind. Knowing it's impermanence, or even worse it's own invalidity, it fears death because in the end it knows it is the only aspect that can experience true death. LOL! Sort of that is. It becomes difficult to talk about at certain levels, as even this whole explanation is part of the illusion itself. Soul does not fear or resist change. Those are ego attributes. Many Blessings!

Answer 7

Find a support group, there are many people in your situation that don't want to reveal their problems to friends but can let go with others in their situation. You are a wonderful, precious, important caring and delicate person. Right this minute you can decide that no one and no situation is going to stop you from fulfilling your life. You have the right to be happy. You should be proud of yourself for taking control, using your medicine to help you along and asking for help. You will be amazed at how quickly things can change when you find a kindred spirit that feels your needs, there are people waiting for you to share this experience, you can help them!It is likely that your husband is not interested in helping, cut him off, Now.

Answer 8

You are doing exactly what you should,making it day to day.The fact that the 5% is overpowering the 95 shows that your thought process is not that distorted.I lost some-one once and was exactly where you are,for 3 solid years I was pretty much use-less to my-self and others.Slowly I came out of it.I still miss her and that was 20 years ago.It will get better{meaningless cliche}Stay with it.My son's friend shot him-self in the head a few months ago,and left himself where his parents would find it.not worth it.Wish I could Help more but it pretty much is on you.Really wish you the best of luck

Answer 9

Well think of your kids if you have any.What yould you think if they didnt have a mother.Go get a makeover to boost your cofidents up.Then gradeualy go out with friends.There is other men out there.

Answer 10

get over him and date some1 else or keep yourself busy
or consult a psychiatrist.