I need a proper manners question answered.?

Question

There are times I get very chatty and very talkative and dont shut up part of it is because I am manic and part of it is I am nervous and if I stop talking I feel I should always be "saying something".

This was brought to my attention and I was not even awares that I was doing this talking and talking to excess.

In a social setting like brithdays, holidays and fellowships how can I be a better listener and what can I do to moderate my talking not saying too little or in my case not saying too much.

I do like attention and I would be lying if I said I did not but to constantly expect pateince from everyone does get draining and annoying and have lost friends this way.

What are ways to be classy and ladylike, I do make a lot of people laugh at my church but I tend to overdo it.

What are good godly ways to talk less and listen more?

Thank you in advance for your answers and God bless you.

Answer 1

Break the ice with a compliment or some other positive observation. Follow up with a question.

Decide to make it all about other people, and do not make it all about yourself.

Answer questions that people ask you, but always finish with a question for them.

Listen to people without rehearsing what you will say next, or how you will respond. That way you won't miss subtle messages.

Quit worrying about being judged, what others think of you, and feeling intimidated. Replace all that with your mission to draw others out and put them at ease.

The most attractive human quality is empathy. Empathy demonstrates sincerity, respect, and acceptance. Be willing to imagine yourself in someone else's position, and let them know them you want to understand them. People want you to think that their priorities are important, so act like they are.

If you are constantly talking about yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, and things you observe, then you are not listening or giving others your attention. You are making it all about yourself.

Everyone has social anxiety to some degree or other (you know how that feels) so make it your mission to draw them out.

We all want the same things. We all want to be noticed, listened to, admired, respected, appreciated, recognition, to be likeable, impressive, needed, cared about, and valued.

Give all that to others freely without conditions or exceptions. When you give others what you want for yourself, it builds you up from the inside out, and it comes back to you. When you inspire others to feel good about themselves around you then they will want you around more. You will feel more popular and welcome.

I feel your pain. I understand your problem. You might feel a little self-conscious or even a bit ashamed, but please do not. We all do the best we can with what we know about how to cope with ourselves and our environment. When we learn more, and we accept alternative perspectives, then we allow ourselves to grow. We learn better ways to cope.

Maybe find out how others cope with their social anxiety or uncomfortable nervousness. Some people take medication, some exercise or do yoga, some hide out and become total introverts, and some let their anxiety manifest itself in OCD or self-destructive behaviors or addictions.

The point here is to focus on other people, have empathy for them, and inspire them to feel good and comfortable around you, by making it all about them.

Answer 2

I've wrestled with this too. My humble opinion is to first learn how to be silent, by yourself. Sit in your room and get out of your head by shutting down any internal dialogue, just take in your environment from different angles, using different senses. Like what does it sound like? Then go on to smell, touch, sight, etc.If you can only do it for 10 seconds it's a start.

When you get comfortable with silence by yourself you can become more comfortable with other people. I always had to fill the silence, now I think about what was just said, or I try to learn something about someone, even something little or silly like are they wearing that horseshoe necklace b/c it's lucky or they like horses? It's silly, and it doesn't matter if I ever find the answer or not, but it makes me less anxious with the silence.

The main thing is to be patient with yourself. It's obvious you care and are considerate of others and that you've recognised this hiccup in your friendships. You made the first step which was recognizing and acknowledging it, and you did that by listening to someone bringing it to your attention. Few people can take a constructive suggestion. Kudos to you.

Answer 3

Speak only when you are spoken to at gatherings once the greetings are over and always only answer what is asked, do not go off on a tangent as then you will not stop. Try breathing exercises, this helps relax the body since you are manic and nervous. I hope this helps you. God bless.

Answer 4

When talking to someone, make the focus on them. If they ask a question about you, be short and consice, and turn it back to them. People's favorite thing to talk about is themselves. Just listen to what people have to say instead of saying everything that comes into your head. Before you say something, ask yourself "is this important? do they need to know this? do I need to tell them? Is this me talking too much again?" Eventually you won't even have to stop and ask yourself anymore, you'll just know. (Advice I could stand to take too, lol)

Also remember that if people come to you with a problem, they're not necessarily asking for advice, or what you would do if you were them, or what happened to you when you were in that situation. Ask them questions that lead them to the conclusion that is best for them. It's not about you. Also be clear when listening to them, if you have to paraphrase and tell them back what they said to you to make sure you've got it right then go for it. They'll appreciate it more.

Answer 5

Do you have a trusted friend who you can discuss this with?

If so, talk to them. Ask them to help you. In social situations, ask them to be your coach. Maybe they can give you some silent signal that you'll recognize as a signal to check yourself. And then you can turn the conversation around to someone else. Segway and ask a question that opens up the conversation for others.

It may feel uncomfortable for a while. But with practice you'll do better. Just keep telling yourself that you're training yourself to behave properly in social situations. And it will be worth it.

Answer 6

Fist of all, relax when you are in these situations. Secondly, understand that others can expand your horizons, but only if you are truly open to new ways of thinking (which I am sure you are). Let them entertain you for a change and there will be lots of times when you can show your understanding with some of your own anecdotes ( bringing you closer to the center). Be a part of many instead a part of one and you will blossom out to be truly unique.

Answer 7

I agree with you. Manners are best learned at home. However, the children are not getting that education, so we better give some guidance at school. Just like safe Internet usage it needs to be taught and reinforced in the school systems because the parents are not getting the information across to the children.

Answer 8

Well, I would suggest you fight the urge to say things that are unnecessary. Before saying something, take a while to think about it and ask yourself if it is really important to say what you are thinking...or is it better to listen.

The bible mentions that a wise man knows how to spare his words...so practice that and think about that...and you'll be fine.

Hope everything works out for the best!

Answer 9

Ask other people questions and give them time to respond before jumping in. Being self aware is the first step. Just remain mindful of how much you gabbing and over time you will be able to control yourself better.

Answer 10

Try and think of what interests you about the person you are talking to and then try to find out from them. Use your next few encounters to find out as much as you can about the next person and refrain from making any value judgements about them. Above all, try not to give any advice unless they are asking for it. You will be a better friend and listener.