My wife's son has a long history of drinking and drugs. He is a charmer. He tells his mom what she wants to hear even if it means looking her in the face and lieing. Although, he tells his mom he doesn't do it anymore he will turn around in the same conversation and brag about doing it. He has little or no morals, value, or integrety. He has no concept of responsibilty or accountability. He and his mom think that what happened in the past should stay in the past and be forgotten. I believe that you past actions defind who and what you are. But his actions don't stay in the past. He keeps doing it. His mom will not correct him or even tell him he is wrong. I get the riot act if I say anything. He floats from job to job. His mom will let him bring his girl friends over to our house and spend the night with them. I draw the line here and do not let that happen. His moms thinks I am bashing him. He is 30 years old. Am I the bad guy his mom makes me to be?
2006-11-27 03:26:54 · 6 answers · asked by ThePerfectStranger 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He doesn't actually live with us, but he visits. He has a different live in every so often and I won't let them sleep together in our house. He has ruined his credit so he can't afford a house of his own. He says he is going to marry every live in but never does. She eventually gets tired of the empty lies and kicks him out.
2006-11-27 03:36:01 · update #1
Thanks for the support guys. His mom is blind to what I trying to do. I only want him to grow up and start being a man. I tell his mom to be more of a mother than his friend. She thinks unconditional love is letting him do as he pleases. I believe love sometimes means saying "NO".
2006-11-27 03:39:30 · update #2
No I don't think your a bad guy at all.
He is 30 years old its time for him to grow up and except responsibility for himself. You are prefectly within your rights to say something if you and her are sharing a home together. You have the right to establish ground rules for your home just like any person or parent would do (doesnt even matter the age of the child). Your both being affected by this. He should find his own place to live if he can't respect or follow the house rules.
As far as drugs and drinking goes. yes they will lie and malipulate you any way they can just to get their way. You can't make a person change and telling them they need to seek help is hopeless because useless they want to change it won't work. the person has to want to quit and seek help on their own, you cant force them to. I think she needs to set him out simple thats the only way for him to grow up. As long as he has somewhere to lay and rest and eat for free he will never change his behavor. Yes he will use this to try and malipulate his mother into feeling guilty you need to be there for her for emotional support.
Bottom Line is simple Set rules you want for your home. He obey these rules and respect them. If he can not respect your rules then he needs to go. Yes it's her son but when you live with someone it's considered a shared home and you both need to seriously talk about this in order for yours relationship to work without any further stresses. Show her this if you have too. It's not just yous have gone through this.
You and her home you both need to set rules that is acceptable to both of yous. And most important stick to your rules and follow through by enforcing them in order for it to be taken seriously. Example: No ladies to brought home he must respect that rule if he can not honour your rules then he must leave. Go find somewhere else to live there are hostels he could stay in. Get a job support himself and have his own place but seriously 30 years old he needs to grow up and stop relying on mommy to do everything for him. She needs to stop letting him walk over her or he will never change for the better.
2006-11-27 03:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are definitely not the bad guy, but you are trying to shot a gun with no bullets. So all it is doing is firing blanks and keeping you aggravated about it.
Before you fix your step son you need to fix your wife. Your wife definitely loves her son a lot and the love has put a blind fold in her eyes of reasoning. You will have to open that eye first. If she doesn't want to change her son then all your efforts will only cause you aggravation as they will never bear fruits.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 03:34:17 · answer #2 · answered by GoodGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all he needs to be in a place of his own. If she doesn't feel the same way, then you might be better off getting out of there. She is only going to change if you leave(Even if temporarily) and sees that this punk needs to go. She isn't allowing you to be the man of the house. Its a no win situation for you. Good luck.
2006-11-27 03:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 30 years old. it is time for him to act likea man. You are right for setting rules about what happens in your house. You are the one to set those rules if he cannot abide by them, he should leave. As for his bahaviour, his motherhas probably caused a great deal of harm by not correctin him sooner. By 30, he is now a man and should not need maa telling him what to do. H needs to grw u fast before jail does it for him.
2006-11-27 03:34:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step son from my previous marriage was a hell of a pain. I do not think he should bring girls in to have sex with in your house. Tell him to get his own house.
2006-11-27 03:30:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sandie/Patrick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's 30 and living at home?? its your house too, you need to stand up to your wife and get that kid out of the house
2006-11-27 03:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋