in love with another man I found while he has been gone. My husband has been gone for several months now and I started seeing another man on base here due to my loneliness. I didn't mean to start anything serious but over the months I have grown to love him very much so. Our relationship has grown from basic companionship to much more. He gives me lots of attention and we really understand each other. I love my husband with all of my heart but I can't stop thinking about the man I have been dating. It is like I forgot all about my husband as he has been away for a while. I do have a small child and I worry that my relationship will go noticed. What should I do when my husband is gone and I am in love with another man?
2006-11-27 02:56:55 · 29 answers · asked by yoshi 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
honestly...if you love your husband...youd leave that other man..its not worth it...u dont want ur kid to grow up and ask you who their dad is....
2006-11-27 03:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by nawti969 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Well, you are in a spot. If you feel guilty you should but you don't feel that guilty to stop your affair. You divorce your husband and go with your lover. Or you stop seeing your lover and stay with your husband who will one day find out you had an affair. You are going to have to hurt someone now no matter what. Any answer that you get here at yahoo really does not help any choice you make. The damage is already done because as long as I been in the military and the spouse has an affair and the spouse says " I love you but I loved him(her) also" then all trust is gone. The one everybody is going to feel for more is your husband because he is going to be hurt the most no matter what. If you divorce your husband what will he get from the divorce. Him being in the military not much. If you are going to divorce your husband make sure he has a fair share or more because he is not the one who did anything wrong but the one who has to bear the brunt of the pain. You are going to say its not easy for you of... course not but everything has started and will have to be finish by you. Oh yea...what does boyfriend have to say about this? It does not matter how understanding you husband might be about all this, he is going to hurt
2006-11-27 11:32:29 · answer #2 · answered by verduneuro 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
humm... i don't even know where to start with you. first i want to say you need help , SERIOUS HELP. i am sure most military spouses have felt lonely at one point during deployments . most of us military wives get through it. SO called falling in love with another man. COME ON NOW LETS GET REAL !! do you even know what love is? cause if you did you would NOT allow yourself to be in this situation at all. being lonely is normal for people but you said you had forgot about your husband cause hes been away a while? hes only been gone in Iraq a few months. i hope your child never goes on a vacation with family members. you may forget you have a child. where is your child when you are with this man? your values SHOULD be with your family. oh i forget you are a needy and lonely person who is pathetic and does not have any common sense at all.
you asked what should you do while your husbands gone. well getting involved with another man should NOT be the answer. this man does not want you, he probably wants whats free to him and you are stupid enough to allow this to happen.
2006-11-27 13:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by virginia l 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yeah, my buddy's wife did the same thing while we were in Iraq. He ended up getting served divorce papers at the airport while on leave and meeting the new boyfriend. So he took a shotgun to his face. It is a horrible thing, but if you really don't see yourself with your husband, you need to end it, but don't go running to your new guy. Your husband is going through a rough enough time, don't pile onto it. I lost my fiance while in Iraq, and found out when i woke up in the hospital after an ambush. My unit brought me the mail and there was the letter. I was already hurting and not too excited about going back out, but that letter made me feel even worse. I eventually started volunteering for all of the dangerous missions, feeling like i had nothing to live for. You need to respect your husband, but also respect yourself. Realize that if you do divorce your husband and get with this other guy, he will deploy next time their unit goes, so what is to stop you from meeting someone else then? you just have to ask yourself what you want.
2006-11-27 11:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jon C 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Honestly Chickie, you are a poor excuse for a woman. Why is it so hard for a woman to wait for her soldier to return home? There is a Family Support Group where you can be friends with other spouses...why go out an find a "boyfriend"? If the guy you are seeing is also in the military he needs to be turned into his chain of command for disciplinary action...when I was in the Army I saw women like you every day...as soon as their husband was gone they were out in the club...that sucks...I had a friend that this happend to in OFI 1, she spent all his hard earned money on the other dude and then split...I think women like you should be charged with a crime i.e. Attempted Manslaughter...because the worst thing in the world is a soldier with nothing to live for...and if he finds out about it while he is there...and he dies...it is on you...sorry to be so blunt, but I think that what you are doing is horrible...if you can not take the criticism, do not post questions like this...and to answer your other question...probably about 35% of women cheat, but about 80% of those are young married women...and in a "War Zone" probably less than 5% of soldiers cheat...Korea is a different story...
2006-11-27 11:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say it but this is a huge mess that could've been avoided by not getting involved with another man to begin with. I understand you are lonely I spend months away from my love and it is the hardest thing to deal with esp. when there is always that fear the he may not come back. BUT this man obviously took advantage of that vulnerability and is now to be rewarded for it by receiving your love while your poor husband is working his butt off overseas ( not just slouching around) and i just really don't feel that he deserves that. Was he bad to you before he left, are you worried that he's cheating forget the reasons behind it, unless you want to start a new life over with this man then I wouldn't suggest continuing to ruin what you already have. I know you can't help who you love, but you knew you were married, you decided to pursue it bcus you were lonely, don't let it get the best of you. I'm assuming you live on a base, and I'm assuming you're not the only wife whose husband is away the perfect environment to find a new friend not lover in a woman who shares your pain and will help ease that pain. Please do the right thing. I feel bad for you, but cheating esp. on someone who loves you, and your child is the worst thing you can do to someone unless you don't love him back. So love him faithfully or let him go.
2006-11-27 11:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by LoveLeighe 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
You need to stop seeing this other guy. The feelings you have for this man is only the feelings you have for your husband. When he is gone this other guy fills the void and makes you feel like you husband does. When your husband arrives home you need to tell him the truth because if he found out by a third party it would be harder for him to deal with than if you were to tell him.
2006-11-27 12:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by srmdlr2005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a mere three months? And you are already in LOVE with somebody else?
Deployment to Iraq?
Deployment on a WESTPAC CRUISE?
TAD?
How long did you wait after husband left to start looking for companionship?
Head over to the club the evening your husband got on the plane?
Is the other guy a military person?
It's all bad.
I spent ten years USCG....two of that stationed on Navy Base.
Seen this stuff before.
Navy has a term for it.....its WESTPAC WIDOW..
It's bad for morale.
I get the sense you were not wrapped to tightly to begin with.
Article from Senator elect James Webb's web site
the article named
The military is not a social program.
http://www.jameswebb.com/articles/nytimes/nosocialprogram.htm
I wish I had kind words for you ..but I don't.
What should you do?
End the relationship.
2006-11-27 11:16:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think this is some kind of joke wind-up question. If it's true, you are either a very selfish woman or you never really loved your husband, either way he's better off without you and if you have any kind of heart you'll find a way to divorce without hurting him too much and rubbing it in his face. Then again, you might get lucky and he'll just die out there, right?
Why did you marry a solider anyway?
2006-11-27 11:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by airmonkey1001 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
decide right now. you must make a choice right now.
you are already making a choice in every moment.
but you have to decide between the two men.
if you decide for the local guy, then you MUST let your hubby know about it. If you decide for the hubby, then you must
stop seeing the new guy and concentrate on writing and
doing things for the hubby. the longer the double life goes on
the harder it will be on everyone. you chose to allow yourself
to fall in love with another man. now you have another choice.
which relationship to end. you must end one of them sooner rather than later. every day you're going deeper with the new man. one of the relationships must be stopped. lying doesn't help anyone in the long run. face up to the truth and pick one or the other. there is no "right" choice. only the choice you make.
2006-11-27 11:07:05 · answer #10 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's women like you who make loyal husbands in the military want to take desparate measures, such as suicide, or at the very least running around on their wives. In many cases this could cause abuse. If he had done nothing to you to cause this relationship with a new man except be gone on deployment, than you are truly the guilty party. Stop seeing this man immediately
2006-11-27 11:03:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋