My good friend is a really sweet person. She's a mom, patient & kind. My problem with her is every time we make plans to do anything, she is running 30 minutes to 1 hour late (or more). If we are taking our children to the movies, I have to lie and say meet me there at 2:00 p.m. if we want to see a 3:00 p.m. movie. Her other friends are not so accommodating and have stopped inviting her places. We took our kids on a vacation together one summer and we almost missed our planes twice because she will not take the time on the clock seriously. She waits until the last minute to start getting ready. It's driving me crazy. Our children are all best friends. It's hard to plan anything. I never know when she's going to show up. What's going on with her? When I ask her she apologizes profusely and tries to make up by buying us all lunch, dinner or other gifts. I'll say, "That's not the point. You said you would be here at x time." She says she has no good excuses!
2006-11-27 02:51:28 · 17 answers · asked by Cassia 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
She needs a crash course in time management! Next time she is late for a movie, go in and see it with your kids. If she missses it, then too bad for her! Ditto for other dates you guys might have. I myself am late on occasion but would never ever want anyone to wait an hour for me!
2006-11-27 02:59:14 · answer #1 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She may never change. But if you don't try to do something about it, I know she never will. You are enabling her to get away with it.
I would tell her you are no longer going to wait for her more than 15 minutes. If she isn't there, you will go on without her.
First, I would tell her you are going to meet at 2:30 for a 3:00 movie. Tell her you will wait till 2:45, and if she isn't there, you will go in without her. Repeat again that if she doesn't see you at 2:45, you are already sitting in the theater. Make her look for you. If you are going to lunch, wait the 15 minutes, and then go in and be seated. If she doesn't show up in another 15 minutes, go ahead and order.
And I agree with someone--don't let her buy lunch to make up for it! People like that are being inconsiderate of others. I know once in awhile something could come up that would make them late, but anyone can be someplace with a window of 15 minutes.
If she doesn't show you some respect and get there when she should, I would quit doing things with her. Maybe if everyone deserts her and she knows exactly why, she will change. If not, what have you lost? Only a lot of frustration!
2006-11-28 01:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to see a 3:00 movie say to be there at 1. When she arrives at 2 (an hour late according to what you told her), and realizes that the movie is at 3, and that you all are there an hour early, tell her that you knew she has a tendency to be late, and you wanted to be sure to be there on time. Then she's got to explain to her kids why they have to wait an hour to see the movie, as well as keep them entertained with nothing for an hour before the movie starts. Tell her that her being late all the time is hard on you, and that the only thing she can do to make it up to you is to just show up on time. She's right, there's no excuse, but make sure she knows that it's not her that you find the fault with, just her tardiness, and the only thing she can do is get her butt there on time. Go on without her if necessary.
A big DITTO to firehorsetwo.
2006-11-27 03:51:02 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same way. I have all intentions on being on time but it never works out that way. I can get up early in the morning and still be late to work. My problem is I'm a procrastinator and do everything at the last min. My friends and family do the same thing to me. If there's a gathering, I'm told 7:00 and its really at 8:00. Time really isn't a big issue for me. Now, if its something really, really important, I'm there on time.
2006-11-27 06:25:15 · answer #4 · answered by Blue Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know - this drives me out of my mind. My wife is the same way. I alert her to get ready, and plan on enough time to get somewhere on time, and she chronically waits until the last minute to get ready, etc.. I am a patient man, but I have nearly gotten ulcers over this several times in my life. Now I said that to say this-----you might try something on your friend that I tried on my wife - it works sometimes. I make sure that she really wants to go or do what we are going to do (if she is the least bit aprehensive or dreading the activity, I cannot get her to buy into a time). When I get her attention that the time is critical to prevent our looking out of place, she responds to time alerts, but I have to remind her. You might try on your next scheduled event to set a time at least 30 minutes ahead for you guys to meet. Call her and remind her about 2 hours ahead of time if possible, and then again about an hour ahead. These are the reminder frequencies that I use on my wife, and it works most of the time. If she becomes irritated about the reminders, just say to her that you are concerned about her being on time because of her previous performances. It is frustrating, but, if you care for her (and it appears that you want to keep her as a friend), then you will have to invest in her. My wife and I have been together for 35 years, so you may have to implement these short term solutions to preserve your long term friendship. Good luck.
2006-11-27 03:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by Doug R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Habitual lateness is a passive-aggressive move. Because the person forces the people waiting to accomodate the late person. It's a learned behaviour because no one ever called her on it. There is no "one" way to handle it. You have to do a few things.
Do the following:
1. At another time - when you are hanging out with the kids over coffee or drinks. Let her know that she is not respecting you or your children by being late. You will no longer tolerate it. When you say what time to meet, then you mean it. If she is not there, you will go ahead without her. Then follow through on that threat. Every time. Even if your kids get mad that they are leaving the others behind. Both sets of kids will learn that being on time is important to everyone.
2. Ask her to propose the time to meet. When you agree what time to meet - repeat it, and have her repeat it. I'll meet you at 1pm. Treat her like a child, and then ask her to repeat the time. Seriously. It will draw attention to the time, and you are being very clear. Repeat your notion that you will not tolerate being late.
3. When you are getting ready to leave, call her or have one of the kids call her. Ask if they are still ok to meet at whatever time. Yes, ok see you then.
4. Follow through on your threat. She will be late. But, she will learn quite quickly that her kids are disappointed when they are left behind. It won't happen too often after that.
Good luck
2006-11-27 03:16:43 · answer #6 · answered by firehorsetwo 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She's like this because she's passive aggressive and also has no respect for other people's time. She thinks that her schedule and her things are far more important than anyone else's.
Don't let her disrespect you anymore. When you make plans with her let her know the exact time that the thing starts. Don't fudge anymore for her. Let her know that you'll be going in to the movie theater (or whatever) at that time and you won't be waiting for he.
Also, don't depend on her for transportation. Don't let he pick you up. Plan to meet.
Don't let her make it up to you by buying lunch or whatever. That's how she makes it okay in her own mind to disrespect other people. In her mind, she's fixed it! But in reality, she hasn't.
If she asks you what the deal is, then her know that you won't be tolerating her disrespect anymore. Don't be hostile about it. But just let her know that your time is just as important as hers. And you won't be waiting for her anymore.
I don't know if this will cure her or not. But I'll ber that you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself. Take back your control, let others know that you expect to be treated with respect and you'll feel a whole lot stronger.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 03:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by mrssamikeyp 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You mentioned kids, are they able to do stuff that could assist her in getting ready. If they're old enough, they need to dress themselves. If they're much older, find the child that seems to have a pretty good head on their shoulder and assist their mother. Get clothes ready the night before, selecting, ironing.
Is your friend bewildered by the television? Show her how to record stuff on the VHS or DVD.
2006-11-27 03:30:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my boyfriend. He tells me he'll pick me up in 20 minutes and it will actually be more like 1 hour. Unless he is in his car already, you can't depend on the time he gives you. We all razz him about it, telling him that he's on Croatian standard time. He's gotten better, but he still has his moments.
I would give her the times that your suppose to meet up, and if she's not there on time, then too bad for her. Go and do what you were suppose to do.
2006-11-27 03:04:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe its because she has kids. I know plenty of people who have kids and don't do that. I also know people who don't have kids and do the same thing. I've come to the conclusion that the person who does this is simply selfish and disrespectful. They want to run on their own schedule and the hell with you and everyone else.
2006-11-27 03:21:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋